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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

I once hated my job so much that I would come home from work and watch vlogs of people quitting their jobs, wishing it was me.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

Does anyone know how to lower the difficulty setting on my life?

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

The only reason I insist on returning to the office is because my cat needs a break from me staring at him all day.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

The most embarrassing thing in the world is when you make a fool of yourself in front of a baby and it doesn’t laugh.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

People aren’t too bad if you stay away from them and don’t go outside.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

The day I start waking up early it’s over for you all.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

My son was praying for “everybody in the world.” If you suddenly start experiencing good fortune, you’re welcome.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,812

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Gonna start using “with all dude respect”.

Live now on Twitch:

Not a fan of frozen pizza. Too cold, in my opinion.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I think everyone should get $500 deposited into their accounts every day, just for waking up.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I named my wifi “The Promised LAN” because it always connects, but occasionally leaves you wandering in the desert looking for a better signal.

Freshly posted on Discord:

There must be an invisible mechanism on my book. Every time I open it, my husband starts trying to talk to me.

Going bananas on Telegram:

The dragon with the girl tattoo.

Spotted on Snapchat:

When I dance, people say it reminds them of a wild dog chasing its tail.

Life is too short, and death is too long.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, I guess I'll take the express lane through the snacks aisle! 🍕⏱️👻

contemplation, death, existential, humor, irony, life, short, too

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I didn’t go to the Carribean, my tan is from standing in front of the rotisserie chicken at Costco.

2 months ago
Caribbean, chicken, Costco, food, humor, i, joke, rotisserie, rotisserie chicken, shopping, standing, sunbathing, tan
When your stomach is really mad at you, and you’re not sure which one of your 13 unhealthy lifestyle choices is causing it.

3 months ago
causing, choice, choices, diet, health, humor, lifestyle, mad, stomach, stomachache, sure, unhealthy, unhealthy lifestyle, upset, upset stomach
Establish dominance at work by drinking iced tea in a wine glass.

1 month ago
beverage, confidence, dominance, drinking, glass, humor, iced, iced tea, office, tea, wine, wine glass, work
If you’re reading a book in public, you better be on at least page 140 or something.

1 month ago
better, book, engagement, expectation, humor, least, page, public, reading, social, something
“Communism sounds good in theory, but doesn’t work in practice.” Capitalism doesn’t even sound good in theory.

1 month ago
capitalism, communism, even, good, humor, ideology, political, political ideology, practice, satire, sound, sounds, theory, work
Your first non-broke girlfriend will change your whole perspective about relationships.

1 month ago
change, dating, girlfriend, money, perspective, relationship, relationships, whole

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Spent most of the day making sure my couch still works. So far so good.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

It’s so hot out, I just hydroplaned off the toilet seat at work.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has bookmarked:

At this point of my celibacy, I can see the same colors as mantis shrimp. What do you know about blorange and gurple?

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

I will not hesitate to use dark magic on you.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Ain’t no girls in my messages, just a bunch of verification codes.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

If you’re in first class on a flight, sometimes they upgrade you to captain.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Apologies about the delay to your flight. We’re just waiting for one 3D printed part, but apparently a ‘fuselage’ takes a little time.

Spotted on Reddit:

Dear men, my ‘biological clock’ isn’t my weakness. It’s your final deadline to prove you’re worthy.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Once you love wide-leg pants, there is no going back from that.

Just shared via Instagram:

Autumn and winter are coming. The time when I make myself tea and always forget that I’ve made myself tea.

Spotted on Twitch:

I’m putting free wifi on my gravestone, so people will come visit me.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

“Are you getting your period?” God forbid I’m just evil.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Life is too short, and death is too long.

I didn’t go to the Carribean, my tan is from standing in front of the rotisserie chicken at Costco.

When your stomach is really mad at you, and you’re not sure which one of your 13 unhealthy lifestyle choices is causing it.

Establish dominance at work by drinking iced tea in a wine glass.

“Communism sounds good in theory, but doesn’t work in practice.” Capitalism doesn’t even sound good in theory.

Your first non-broke girlfriend will change your whole perspective about relationships.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Why do boys never buy the Pro Max iPhones? I swear it’s only girls with big phones.

Before I die, I’m going to arrange for a friend to take my phone, and after the funeral, text everybody to say “thanks for coming” and other assorted messages of appreciation.

I love when I can smell my perfume on myself, like damn girl, you smell delicious.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I miss the old days back in 1955, when I didn’t exist.

I want someone to look at me the way I look at a travel booking website.

Handsome, you better get to the point, my beer buzz is starting to wear off.

Guilty pleasure? Why would I ever feel guilty about pleasure.

Went to the gym two days in a row. This is a fitness account now.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Why is there so much day left at the end of my energy?

Looking forward to eight hours of trying to get four hours of sleep tonight.

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

This too shall pass… It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

If you pick a movie that’s longer than the flight, the pilot gets a notification to fly around for a bit.

I’m trying to cut back on how much sense I make.

I know it hurts like hell, and you don’t think you can do it, but it’s just one push-up.

Zelda was easier as a kid because if you hit a hard puzzle, you could just wait a few days for more brain matter to come in, but now it’s the opposite.

Your card declining when you know you have money is a very funny experience.

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Life is too short, and death is too long.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I didn’t go to the Carribean, my tan is from standing in front of the rotisserie chicken at Costco.

When your stomach is really mad at you, and you’re not sure which one of your 13 unhealthy lifestyle choices is causing it.

Establish dominance at work by drinking iced tea in a wine glass.

If you’re reading a book in public, you better be on at least page 140 or something.

“Communism sounds good in theory, but doesn’t work in practice.” Capitalism doesn’t even sound good in theory.

Your first non-broke girlfriend will change your whole perspective about relationships.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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