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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

If pills are too toxic to flush down the toilet, you probably shouldn’t swallow them.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

I lost my job at NASA Mission Control today. I misheard when they said, “It’s lunch time.”

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it’s only Thursday.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

It’s okay to embarrass yourself a little in the pursuit of human connection.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

I googled my symptoms and it turns out I just need this election to be over.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

“You tryna hang?” Yeah bro, myself!

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Women are like apples; I like biting them.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has shared:

It’s difficult to play hard to get when I’m already hard to want.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Accidentally became important at work and it’s ruining my life.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Welcome to your fifties. Saturday Night Fever now means lots of rest, cold medicine, and chicken noodle soup.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,544

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Twitch:

I have heard that people without dogs have to pick up dropped food themselves.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Thanks to social media, you can now meet weirdos from the comfort of your own home.

Just shared via Facebook:

Not to brag, but I finished an entire book in one sitting. I’m going to need some new crayons.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

The concept of warding off vampires with crosses is so interesting to me. I wonder if it applies to any other religion or if they’re allergic to just Catholicism.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

There’ll be a time someone will convince you to watch Game of Thrones. It is very important that you listen to them and watch.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

I hate it when I check my transactions history, and everything adds up like damn, so no one stole from me.

Making waves on Instagram:

They all cheat, lie and manipulate. Just pick the pretty one.

Broadcasted on WeChat:

The best way to get through Monday is to pretend it’s Tuesday.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

If I was an outlaw in the Wild West, my face would be on unwanted posters.

Going viral on Pinterest:

If a girl sends you selfies and you don’t compliment her, she should be allowed to electrocute you.

Life is too short, and death is too long.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, I guess I'll take the express lane through the snacks aisle! 🍕⏱️👻

contemplation, death, existential, humor, irony, life, short, too

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m at that age where I can no longer refer to other people as “elderly.”

0

2 months ago

age, elderly, humor, i, life, life stage, people, perspective, stage, where
Having sex with the same person gets freakier and nastier each time.

0

2 months ago

freaky, having, humor, intimacy, nasty, person, relationship, same, sex, time
My girlfriend treats me like a god. She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

0

2 months ago

dating, existence, girlfriend, God, humor, humorist, irony, love, me, needs, neglect, only, relationship, sarcasm, something, treats, unrequited, unrequited love
I absolutely hate being woken from a nap. There were other treadmills in the gym that dude could have used.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, being, dude, gym, hate, humor, i, nap, sleep, treadmill, used, waking, workout
I use karate strictly as a last resort, after I’ve exhausted fleeing and screaming.

0

3 months ago

after, art, exhausted, fleeing, humor, i, karate, last, last resort, martial, martial art, panic, resort, screaming, self-defense
It’s important to listen to both sides of the debate because you need to hear both the reality of the situation and also the dumbest thing anyone’s ever said.

0

2 months ago

both, both sides, conversation, debate, dumbest, dumbest thing, ever, hear, humor, important, listen, need, perspective, reality, sides, situation, thing

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

36 shares on Pinterest this month:

Welcome to your 40s: that “teenager”over there is actually 27.

48 shares on Reddit this month:

Aubrey Plaza is like an alien who went to earth to study us but accidentally got famous and can’t leave.

93 shares on Instagram this month:

I deal with my personal problems the same way I study for tests, I don’t.

66 shares on Messenger this month:

The art of staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

72 shares on X this month:

A garlic a day keeps the doctor away.

49 shares on Twitch this month:

Just blocked all the normal people, so if you see this… sup, weirdo.

54 shares on WhatsApp this month:

No one warned me that being an adult was mostly just hurrying up to get somewhere you don’t want to go in the first place.

12 shares on Reddit this month:

Probably always gonna be the weirdo that believes in magic.

77 shares on Instagram this month:

Hey, I came over because the grass seemed really green here, but now that I’m looking back that grass actually looks crazy green, so I’m gonna go.

25 shares on Twitch this month:

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you are done.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has downloaded:

A more accurate description would be ‘The Darker Web’.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Why do these women want to date Pete Davidson, a funny movie star, and not me, a guy who is whining?

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

I overthink, therefore I am.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

Walking up to any crime scene and whispering within the crowd, “It’s started again, hasn’t it?” then leaving.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

I like my job, but if I had the opportunity to become a rich housewife, I would take it.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Imagine falling in love with me then finding out I’m a slow walker.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Everyone who dramatically ‘quits’ social media is back in 48 hours like it was just a trial separation.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

I’m growing a mullet so no one will want to hangout with me.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Yeah, baby, I am an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has bookmarked:

If I would’ve known that you were going to ask me what I was thinking, I wouldn’t have been thinking what I was thinking.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via X:

All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Adulthood is basically just trying to fall asleep at night and stay awake during the day.

Going viral on Slack:

My parents often told me I would lose my own head if it wasn’t screwed on and now that I’m an adult, I want to know what tools I need to have it screwed off.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Pleasantly surprised to discover the treadmill I bought came with a remote control, so I can run it from my recliner.

Spotted on YouTube:

If onion powder is dehydrated onions blitzed into powder, how much onion powder would I need to consume to have eaten a whole onion?

Spotted on Telegram:

I hope this email keeps you awake at night.

Seen just now on Telegram:

I’m just a girl standing in front of a cat who followed me to the bathroom.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Where can one find a sugar daddy? Asking for a friend.

Going viral on X:

It’s almost impossible to talk to a girl without flirting with her.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Do you ever eat a properly salted meal and suddenly understand why the ancient Romans were willing to be paid in salt?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Life is too short, and death is too long.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’m at that age where I can no longer refer to other people as “elderly.”

Having sex with the same person gets freakier and nastier each time.

My girlfriend treats me like a god. She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.

I absolutely hate being woken from a nap. There were other treadmills in the gym that dude could have used.

I use karate strictly as a last resort, after I’ve exhausted fleeing and screaming.

It’s important to listen to both sides of the debate because you need to hear both the reality of the situation and also the dumbest thing anyone’s ever said.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨