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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

The most productive species of beaver is the Eager.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has shared:

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can die.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

My problem is I always think I can get ready in 15 minutes when I have repeatedly proven that I can’t.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has shared:

How dare you? I’m literally the sweetest most rage filled person on earth.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Some people buy shoes to feel alive. I buy boarding passes.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

“How would you describe yourself.” Me: I absolutely would not.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, phone, temper, and my mind.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,793

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Pinterest:

Petition to allow customer service employees to fight at least one customer per day.

Breaking via Instagram:

Anyone else who tells their pets every time they leave the house that they’ll be back soon?

Trending via YouTube:

I don’t know what kind of sex makes y’all want a joint bank account, but I ain’t had it yet.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Sleeping in is the most efficient way to find out which morning rituals you can actually do without.

Shared recently on X:

I unload the dishwasher backwards… just to feel something.

Just shared via X:

I fear one day I’ll see one of my posts marked as an “Exhibit A”

Making waves on Reddit:

Why can’t periods just last for an hour? Like, you made your point, I’m not pregnant, you can leave now.

My bed has a stronger influence on me than my ambitions.

3 months ago

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Commentary:
Looks like my bed holds a PhD in attraction, while my ambitions are still in preschool. 🛏️😴🎓

ambition, bed, humor, influence, laziness, me, motivation, procrastination, relatable, sleep

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.

2 months ago
advice, coping, dog, eat, handle, humor, just, pee, play, situation, stress, walk
Being a dog must be wild, everyone you meet is your masseuse.

1 month ago
being, companionship, dog, everyone, humor, masseuse, meet, pet, relaxation, wild
Like many men my age, my biggest regret is hiring the inexpensive hitman.

1 month ago
age, hiring, hitman, men, regret
Whoever named it overthinking didn’t think hard enough, cause overthinking is never over.

7 hours ago
activity, cause, enough, frustration, hard, humor, irony, mental, mental activity, never, over, overthinking, think, thinking
Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

1 month ago
age, around, candy, childhood, cigarettes, humor, innocence, memory, nostalgia, smokers, thing, used
Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by saying they look tired.

1 month ago
advice, battle, empathy, everyone, fighting, humor, interaction, know, meet, nothing, sarcasm, saying, social, social interaction, tired, understanding, worse

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Sometimes I worry that avoiding all human interaction isn’t a real hobby.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

You should be allowed to speed if good music is playing.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

I can’t believe I was arrested for impersonating a politician. I was just sitting there doing nothing.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has copied:

Narcissus fell in love with his own image, but was immediately annoyed at how it always tried to talk while he was talking.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

I think some outfits just aren’t meant to be worn unless you’re getting straight into a car.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

A babysitter is a teenager who acts like an adult while the adults go out to act like teenagers.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Just give your kids the iPad. They’re the ones who’ll be fighting cyborgs in the future.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Twitch:

Misses Claus only married Santa because of his big sack.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Getting an extra 20 minutes in the day when someone cancels a meeting is like finding a penny on the ground. Not gonna use it for anything, but wow, am I excited.

Making waves on Messenger:

Not a religious man but I do say a short prayer whenever I open a gas station restroom door.

Just shared via Telegram:

I am a person who wants to get a lot done, trapped in the body of a person who wants to sleep in and take naps at times.

Seen just now on Slack:

If we breakup because you “wanna focus on school,” I better see you in Harvard.

Trending via Threads:

Worst fears: 1. being infertile 2. being pregnant.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

My friends put their kid to bed and then made us ice cream sundaes, which is exactly what I assumed was happening when my parents put me to bed.

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Activity Log ✨

My bed has a stronger influence on me than my ambitions.

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.

Being a dog must be wild, everyone you meet is your masseuse.

Like many men my age, my biggest regret is hiring the inexpensive hitman.

Whoever named it overthinking didn’t think hard enough, cause overthinking is never over.

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

So annoying that in order to meet new people you need to go out and meet new people. Ideally, I would have known you in a past life.

I couldn’t work at a zoo. I’d have a penguin in my car by the end of the shift.

Welcome to adulthood: 9pm is midnight now.

Love how Batman: The Animated Series seems to take place in the 40s and the 50s and the 70s and the 90s all at once.

Diarrhea awareness week starts today. Runs through Sunday.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

“In a galaxy far, far away” is starting to sound quite enticing.

I changed my password to ‘incorrect’ so whenever I forget it, the computer tells me it’s incorrect, and I’m like, ‘Wow, you didn’t have to be so rude about it.’

Nothing is complicated when you’re simple-minded like me.

Witnessing karma is awesome . . . witnessing instant karma is more awesome.

Stop dating if you have no car.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

This year felt like being awake during surgery.

Airports are so funny. Like, “Oh, you’re flying across the country? Would you like to hang out in a mall first?”

Welcome to your 40s. Your bra wins the Oscar for the best actor in a supportive role.

I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a poorly timed joke that makes everyone feel weird.

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re excited about your organized fridge.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

‘Blinded by the Light’ is really just a song about turning the bathroom light on in the middle of the night.

I watched a woman clean her whole house on YouTube today, in case you thought I lacked ambition.

I have entirely too many new bruises for someone who isn’t getting laid.

I don’t know why “you made your bed now lie in it” is a bad thing. It sounds great! I’ll even lie in a bed I didn’t make.

It’s nice to have a moment to breathe before reality knocks the wind out of you again.

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My bed has a stronger influence on me than my ambitions.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can’t eat or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.

Being a dog must be wild, everyone you meet is your masseuse.

Like many men my age, my biggest regret is hiring the inexpensive hitman.

Whoever named it overthinking didn’t think hard enough, cause overthinking is never over.

Candy cigarettes really used to be a thing and we really bought them and walked around like we were smokers at the tender age of 6.

Everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by saying they look tired.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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