Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

I mostly keep friendships going because they have my good Tupperware.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

I like my bacon like I like my men, slightly burnt and crispy, and probably killing me slowly.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Parenting is yelling ‘you just had a snack!’ over and over until you give in and throw them another snack.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Going to IKEA if anyone needs some meatballs.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

My friends put their kid to bed and then made us ice cream sundaes, which is exactly what I assumed was happening when my parents put me to bed.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has downloaded:

Dry January is out. Sopping Wet February is in.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

My problem with Christmas shopping is that I keep seeing things that I like… for me.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

Have kids so you can live in a house full of people who can’t find anything.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Twitter is like a psych ward with no staff.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,381

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

Those security guards at the Samsung store are Guardians of the Galaxy.

Shared recently on YouTube:

“She’s so self-centered”—who’s supposed to be the center of my life? You?

Freshly posted on Instagram:

And then there are those dates after which you think: “Have I really shaved my legs for this?”

Shared recently on Discord:

Turns out, “unc” is short for unconstitutional.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Feel like if a bunch of gays were stranded on a desert island, they’d all drop that voice thing in, like, a day.

Seen just now on Instagram:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI get absolutely no work done and then throw their coworker under the bus as soon as their boss asks about it.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I like you so much, I’d actually learn your phone number.

Live now on Pinterest:

I lied, I’m jealous. I hope every girl who looks at you gets clipped by a meteor.

Shared recently on Messenger:

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Handsome, you better get to the point, my beer buzz is starting to wear off.

My husband clearly believes that chairs just magically push themselves back in.

6 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like your chairs are on an invisible workout program! 🪑💪✨

back, chair, chairs, household, humor, husband, just, laziness, magic, marriage, push, relationship

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Note to self: No more bitching about ugly furniture with people at IKEA whose home you haven’t been to yet.

2 months ago

bitching, furniture, home, IKEA, note, people, self, ugly
Sorry I’m late. Had to scroll back to my birth year.

2 months ago

back, birth, humor, late, media, procrastination, scroll, social, social media, sorry, time, year
Can somebody explain to me why it’s bad if immigrants take our jobs, but it’s good if AI does?

3 months ago

AI, automation, bad, employment, explain, good, humor, immigrant, irony, job, jobs, me, somebody, take, technology, why
A pessimist is just an optimist playing hard to get.

6 months ago

attitude, hard, humor, just, optimist, personality, perspective, pessimist, playing, playing hard to get
If, I, want to, put, a comma, there, then, I will put, the comma, there.

2 months ago

assertiveness, comma, control, grammar, humor, i, punctuation, put, want, writing
When you have the money, you can go a whole day without eating. But when you’re broke, the dizziness starts at 6 a.m.

2 months ago

6, am, broke, daily, daily life, day, dizziness, eating, finances, financial, financial struggle, humor, hunger, life, money, poverty, struggle, whole

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on X this month:

Relationship status: my sex robot filed a restraining order.

53 shares on Telegram this month:

“Real Housewives” is a great oxymoron because nothing about them is real.

70 shares on Reddit this month:

Only people who grew up before the internet will remember these: spelling, grammar and punctuation.

14 shares on Telegram this month:

I received a DM telling me that I’ve offended some of you. I’m truly sorry; I meant to offend all of you.

19 shares on X this month:

Need a dimly lit cocktail date with a gaze so lustful it causes God to draft up another sin.

24 shares on Messenger this month:

That place is so crowded; nobody goes there anymore.

53 shares on TikTok this month:

Ginger ale is the champagne of soda.

28 shares on WhatsApp this month:

To save money in this economy, I’ve tried eating out and I’ve tried cooking at home. The answer is starvation.

50 shares on WeChat this month:

Here’s your daily reminder to not forget about Dre.

30 shares on X this month:

I’ll be honest. I can’t solve your problems. What I can do is create new, bigger problems that will make your current problems seem quaint by comparison.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

The void screams into me.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

Being a writer means canceling your plans so you have time to write, and then spending hours avoiding writing.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

You don’t get to comment on the world until you’ve made your bed.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Divorce is so weird. Why do I have an ex-aunt?

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Don’t be part of the problem. Be all of it.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Where do you see yourself five beers from now? What’s your five-beer plan?

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

I’m not athletic, but I’m good at jumping to conclusions.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

Don’t bother telling me where you’re from, I have no geographical knowledge and no sense of direction.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

The ugliest version of me is the version that comes out when I play board games. I don’t know who she is, but she is a monster. She is not fit for human interaction.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

No Botox. I need to furrow my brow when people say dumb things.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

British people be like “I’m Bri ish” cause they drank the “T”

Shared recently on Messenger:

Bruce Lee had a faster older brother named Sudden Lee.

Trending via TikTok:

Getting an entry-level job before the release of ChatGPT in 2022 was like taking the last chopper out of Vietnam. Few realize this yet.

Making waves on Threads:

I’m trying to be awesome today, but I’m too exhausted from being so awesome yesterday.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

My signature move is me looking for my phone that I’m currently holding in my hand.

Live now on Telegram:

The older I get, the more I lose my looks. But I’m also losing my eyesight, so it’s not my problem.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Can you turn your swag off for one second and listen?

Just landed via Instagram:

There’s just one legitimate synonym for Friday: boom shakalaka.

Going bananas on Slack:

Witnessing karma is awesome . . . witnessing instant karma is more awesome.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

I hate everyone in front of me at this checkout line, everyone behind me is cool.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My husband clearly believes that chairs just magically push themselves back in.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Note to self: No more bitching about ugly furniture with people at IKEA whose home you haven’t been to yet.

Sorry I’m late. Had to scroll back to my birth year.

Can somebody explain to me why it’s bad if immigrants take our jobs, but it’s good if AI does?

A pessimist is just an optimist playing hard to get.

If, I, want to, put, a comma, there, then, I will put, the comma, there.

When you have the money, you can go a whole day without eating. But when you’re broke, the dizziness starts at 6 a.m.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨