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Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

When I don’t have money, I stop talking to women out of respect.

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I’m sorry for inventing the universe.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

Keep scrolling, I’ve got nothing.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has downloaded:

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can get sleep paralysis.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Thought you guys should know this was only Monday. It’s also still Monday.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

Home is where the tap water doesn’t taste funny.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

My retirement plan is time travel to the 80s.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

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15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

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Just landed via Pinterest:

I think more people would actually heal from their trauma if they got revenge.

Live now on TikTok:

“What’s wrong with you?” Right now or in general?

Spotted on Facebook:

Gonna vibe recklessly and call it “character development”

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

It’s called a “sports car” because getting out of one after 40 is a physical event.

Live now on Slack:

If a beer is 8 bucks, it’s a show. If a beer is 14 bucks, it’s a concert.

Going bananas on X:

I hate when I get ready too quickly and have to sit on the couch, fully dressed, and wait like an idiot.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Imagine hearing the ice cream truck music, but at night.

My husband clearly believes that chairs just magically push themselves back in.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like your chairs are on an invisible workout program! 🪑💪✨

back, chair, chairs, household, humor, husband, just, laziness, magic, marriage, push, relationship

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

If I found E.T., I would’ve developed his jump shot.

1 month ago

alien, basketball, E.T., ET, found, humor, i, jump, jump shot, shot, sports
Life hack: Confuse your doctor by putting on gloves at the same time he does.

1 month ago

activity, confuse, confusion, doctor, funny activity, glof, hack, humor, life, life hack, prank, putting, same, time
Sometimes all you need is a Saturday to sleep, eat, and do absolutely nothing else all day.

1 month ago

absolutely, chill, chill day, day, doing, doing nothing, eat, else, laziness, need, nothing, relaxation, rest, Saturday, sleep, sometimes, weekend
When I try to figure out rows vs. columns, I just row away in my boat of confusion!

1 month ago

analogy, away, boat, columns, confusion, data, figure, humor, i, joke, just, math, row, rowing, rows, try, vs
Juggling screen time is the ultimate multitasking Olympics.

1 month ago

balance, humor, juggling, multitasking, Olympics, screen, screen time, technology, time
Girls actually do love nice guys. It’s just that you’re not as nice a guy as you think you are…

5 months ago

actually, dating, girl, girls, guy, guys, honesty, humor, just, love, nice, nice guy, personality, relationship, think

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

No, I’m not stressed. I just constantly grind my teeth and clench my jaw for fun.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has downloaded:

Please go out, have fun, have friends, make connections. That mysterious lifestyle won’t save you.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

I kind of miss when people stood 6 feet away.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

The Masters would be a lot more interesting if there were starving alligators roaming throughout the golf course.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Getting tired without doing anything is an art form.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

I love sleeping. You don’t spend any money and you don’t miss anyone.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

“You’re a psychopath!” At least I’m on a path, babe, sort your life out.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I know I’m mad when I start talking to myself about it.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

All arguments are solvable. The trick? Get naked.

Spotted on X:

You ever wake up in the morning and your first thought is ‘I can’t wait to go to bed tonight’?

Freshly posted on Slack:

Playing dumb for five minutes often saves a lot of work.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

We all got a little Barbie in us (the microplastics).

Making waves on WeChat:

I keep my mind active by worrying.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Warning: People who need to leave their homes today are advised that it is extremely Monday outside this morning.

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My husband clearly believes that chairs just magically push themselves back in.

If I found E.T., I would’ve developed his jump shot.

Life hack: Confuse your doctor by putting on gloves at the same time he does.

Sometimes all you need is a Saturday to sleep, eat, and do absolutely nothing else all day.

When I try to figure out rows vs. columns, I just row away in my boat of confusion!

Juggling screen time is the ultimate multitasking Olympics.

Girls actually do love nice guys. It’s just that you’re not as nice a guy as you think you are…

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Trying to carry a pet to bed is like moving a dense liquid that’s annoyed by you.

“I asked Grok. I asked ChatGPT.” Yeah, well, I asked my mom. She said no.

Wolves should really raise more people.

I wish I could join, but I’m busy plotting revenge because my kids laughed when I showed them I can shake it better than Shakira.

I bought a “How to Be Spontaneous” course… it starts in six months.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

When someone yells stop, I don’t know if it’s in the name of love, it’s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.

I love chatty cats like, yeah, bro, meow meow, you’re so right.

No more looking back in anger. It’s time to look forward in anger.

Got a botched circumcision, now my willy wonka.

When you split a dessert, the waiter should bring two forks and one of those chess clocks you smack to let the other person know it’s their turn.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

“Pre” means before, and “post” means after. Using both at the same time would be preposterous.

Somebody somewhere today don’t know it’s their last day with all 10 fingers.

I like when the rain is misty and you get to feel like a grocery store broccoli for a little while.

“This was on sale!” is why I’m always broke.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

How do you text “okay” but in the rudest way possible?

House sitting for friends while they’re out of town. Never knew my buddy kept a diary.

I don’t even know who’s famous anymore.

Today I started gardening. I planted myself in front of the TV and I sat there the entire day.

I think some of you are faking your sarcasms.

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My husband clearly believes that chairs just magically push themselves back in.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

If I found E.T., I would’ve developed his jump shot.

Life hack: Confuse your doctor by putting on gloves at the same time he does.

Sometimes all you need is a Saturday to sleep, eat, and do absolutely nothing else all day.

When I try to figure out rows vs. columns, I just row away in my boat of confusion!

Juggling screen time is the ultimate multitasking Olympics.

Girls actually do love nice guys. It’s just that you’re not as nice a guy as you think you are…

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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