My signature move is waving at someone who is waving at the person behind me.

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I’m bored, but not “read a book for fun” bored.

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My main takeaway from ‘The Walking Dead’ is that you can still eat the expired canned goods in your pantry.

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It’s nice to have a moment to breathe before reality knocks the wind out of you again.

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Turns out the honeymoon phase lasts forever when you pick the right partner.

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Lazy is such an ugly word. I prefer to call it selective participation.

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My neighbor said he heard me having sex today but it was just me standing in front of my air conditioner.

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If anyone has any experience with anything or knows anything about something, please let me know.

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I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges I’m holding onto are.

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Uh oh, said somethin’ weird. Better fix it by saying something even weirder.

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Gonna go walk the beach and stare annoyingly at couples. May even growl as I pass by.