Commentary:
When your "Hey" really means "fry-napping in progress" 🍟😂
Unfortunately for the haters, I will continue to keep being me.
Commentary:
Embracing my awesomeness just to annoy the haters. 😂✨ #SorryNotSorry
Nothing hits harder than opening the fridge for the fifth time, hoping new food magically appeared.
Commentary:
Fridge or portal to Narnia? Either way, I'm still waiting for a snack surprise! 😅🥪✨
Not now, I’m befriending a crow and teaching it how to deliver handwritten love notes.
Commentary:
Why bother with modern dating apps when you've got a feathered messenger service? 🐦💌🤔
Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can die.
Commentary:
Sounds like someone is trying to secure some extra pillow space tonight! 😴😂❤️
Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here hating myself more.
Commentary:
When you realize you're so good at self-roasting, others don't stand a chance! 😂🔥 #SelfBurnChampion 🌟
Thinking of starting a club for people who don’t like to leave their house. There are no meetings.
Commentary:
Sounds like a "sit down and stay home" kind of club! Count me in! 🏠😴✌️
They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away?
Commentary:
Ever tried garlic for breakfast? Guaranteed social distancing 😂🧄🚶♂️
The night terrors don’t scare me half as much as the day terrors.
Commentary:
Who needs horror movies when daylight has its own fright fest? 🌞👻😱
French is bullshit. They keep changing the translation of ‘soup du jour’ each day.
Commentary:
Soup-du-jour: the menu item with commitment issues 🍲🔄😄