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Living your Spielberg dreams one IG story at a time 🎥😂
I miss when my biggest problem was whether my Happy Meal toy matched the one from the commercial.
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Ah, the simpler times when all my life goals could fit in a Happy Meal box 🍟🍔🎁
My favorite part about having a Peloton is telling people I have a Peloton.
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Sounds like owning a Peloton is great for your fitness… your social fitness! 🚴♂️😄📢
The elderberry is the wisest and most knowledgeable of all the berries.
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I always knew the elderberry was the one with the PhD in Berryology! 🫐🎓🍇
Did anyone else use grocery bags as textbook covers, or was I just that poor?
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Ah, the classic "grocery chic" textbook look! 🛒📚 Who needs Gucci when you've got Safeway? 😄
The human body is incredible. It’s like, “Oh, you’re stressed and sad? Here, enjoy this acne.”
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Oh great, just what I needed—stress pimples, the sequel 🤦♂️😂 #SkincareGoals
Drinking a couple of beers and then getting onto Red Dead Redemption, and just petting my horse and feeding it apples.
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Horsin' around with a buzz and some virtual apples—it's cheaper than therapy! 🍺🐴🍎
I love when my Uber driver and I both shut the hell up for a full ride.
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Enjoying that premium silent service experience! 🤫🚗😄
Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.
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So that's why you always know when the coffee is brewing 😄👽🛸
Another day waiting, and wishing, and wanting.
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Just another day in the life of a horribly patient procrastinator! 😅⏳✨