My mom didn’t raise a fool. Possibly a psycho, but never a fool.

Commentary:
When the family tree shakes, only the coconuts fall 🍌😜🍍

For those who don’t want Alexa listening in on your conversations, they’re making a male version that doesn’t listen to anything.

Commentary:
Alexa's cousin: the ultimate selective hearing expert! 🤐👂😂

I be like, “Awwwww cows,” and then go and eat two double cheeseburgers, lol.

Commentary:
Cows: 1 point for cuteness, 2 points for cheesiness 😂🐮🍔

If I’m too much, go find less. I’m not running a clearance sale.

Commentary:
When your personality is priced like a designer purse, not a bargain bin! 👜😎✨

Strange new trend at the office. People putting names on food in the company fridge. Today I had a tuna sandwich named Linda.

Commentary:
Sounds like Linda made a great lunch companion, but she was a little hard to digest! 🥪😂🙈

Have nothing to say, I just wanted to appear in your newsfeed.

Commentary:
Sliding into your newsfeed like a ninja with nothing but good vibes and a bad sense of direction 😂🤷‍♂️📩

That second wave of sleep after waking up too early.

Commentary:
Riding the sleepy surf back to Snoozeville! 🌊😴🌙

When did making sense stop making sense?

Commentary:
Life's been glitching like my Wi-Fi 🌀🤪📡

One day you’re young and carefree, and the next you have a favorite stove burner.

Commentary:
Adulting Level 100: Picking the VIP burner like it's a reality show 🌟🔥 #BurnerBonanza

Being shy is so annoying. Why is my chest hurting me, because I need to speak in public?

Commentary:
When you accidentally become a mime because your social anxiety is like, "Nah, we’re good." 🤐😂