Tariff this, tariff that. When is somebody gonna tariff my clothes and kiss me?

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Too bad mosquitos are not into human fat the way they are into human blood.

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Fasted for 72 hours and gained the ability to whisper to bats.

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If your cat has ever accidentally fallen into the tub while you were taking bath, you’ve known chaos.

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I really feel like we need to have more fun in life, because literally nothing matters.

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Glory hole but for forehead kisses.

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My goal was to look good in a bikini this summer, but the call of the barbecue is stronger.

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If you ask him what he admires most about a woman and he says brains, you’ve got yourself a zombie.