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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

I’ve already sent Santa a short letter this week to say hello. Not that he thinks I only get in touch if I want something.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Humans can accomplish so much, unless it’s parking at a shopping center during the holidays.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has bookmarked:

It’s officially Christmas shopping season, and I can’t even afford my own life.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has copied:

I will never understand people who don’t gasp dramatically at rainbows.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

First date idea: Couples Colonoscopies.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

Tweeting with no audience feels like screaming jokes into a cornfield.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

“Communism sounds good in theory, but doesn’t work in practice.” Capitalism doesn’t even sound good in theory.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Even a broken shrimp fries rice twice a day.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has downloaded:

Due to inflation and tariffs, my love now costs a thing.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has shared:

Nobody declines a call faster than a 3-year-old watching YouTube.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,539

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I’m a single issue voter. I’m single and it’s an issue.

Trending via Messenger:

It’s really important to stay hydrated at work, so you can take as many 10-minute-long bathroom breaks as possible.

Going viral on Instagram:

Studies show people who like my posts are happier, smarter, and better looking than those who don’t.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Trying is the first step toward failure.

Trending via Facebook:

Moment of silence for those who received mugs that aren’t microwave- and dishwasher-safe.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Gotta find someone you’re thermostatically compatible with. You can’t be a 74 dating a 62.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

How do I get my glasses prescription placed in my windshield?

Just shared via Snapchat:

Party rock is in the mouse tonighttt, piece of cheese I’m gonna take a big biteee.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I love replying “Need him” when someone posts their boyfriend on their Instagram story.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I use karate strictly as a last resort, after I’ve exhausted fleeing and screaming.

The gym gives you energy, but you need energy to get to the gym. Feels like a pyramid scheme, if you ask me.

1 month ago

Witty quote about gym motivation, highlighting the hilarious catch-22 of exercise routines.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Definitely a multi-level workout program 😂🏋️‍♀️🛑

ask, energy, feels, gym, me, need, pyramid, scheme

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

52 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Crashed my car reading a billboard that said, “Don’t text and drive.”

51 shares on TikTok this month:

He’s an everything bagel… I’m just a nothing burger…

84 shares on Instagram this month:

One minute you’re young and carefree. The next minute you can feel in your knee when it starts to rain.

81 shares on Messenger this month:

Americans are funny, man. “It’s 72 degrees outside.” Bro, I don’t speak oven.

98 shares on Pinterest this month:

What’s my net worth? Buddy, I don’t own a net.

21 shares on X this month:

Do people exist who manage to wash, dry, fold, and put away their laundry in the same day?

32 shares on Telegram this month:

Can’t say “I’m tired” without my mom making it a competition of who is the most tired and who has more reason to be.

61 shares on Messenger this month:

Outside letting mosquitoes get some of this.

96 shares on X this month:

Unless I ask, I genuinely don’t care to hear other people’s opinions on my life. It’s almost a pet peeve, really.

95 shares on Threads this month:

Everyone is a genius until they try to use someone else’s microwave.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Wonder if I should do something with my life, or kind of just continue to hang out.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

If you relate to me, get some help!

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

I am not old. I am in the prime of my decay.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

I’m full of rage, but in a very chill and nonchalant way.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

If I ever say “with all due respect”, please understand that there is none.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

The most important thing to remember when driving is that not everyone is smart.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

I hate when the iPhone corrects ‘Omw’ to ‘On my way!’. Man, I am not that excited.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has shared:

He thinks I’m so smart because I read books. Baby, they is FAWKING in these books.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Every email sent to me should end with ‘but if your tummy is hurting, don’t worry about it.’

Someone from 🇪🇸 has viewed:

Light is faster than sound. That’s why people seem so bright until you hear them talk.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on YouTube:

Everyone is a genius until they try to use someone else’s microwave.

Live now on WeChat:

Body: Okay, sleepy time. Brain: Okay, thinky time.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Only difference between me and someone in a psych ward is I’m outside.

Spotted on Telegram:

Just had a fight with every item in my closet. They started it.

Trending via TikTok:

Sometimes I wonder what happened to the people who asked me for directions.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Don’t forget to make everything about you today.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

To-do list: bite the hand that feeds me, put all my eggs in one basket, kill two birds with one stone, let the cat out of the bag, think inside the box, burn bridges, walk on thin ice, play with fire.

Just landed via YouTube:

There’s a fat man inside me dying to get out.

Going viral on X:

Someone called me strict today, and that means a lot to me because I’m a recovering people pleaser.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

On one hand, it’s terrible to not have access to the Internet, but on the other hand, it’s terrible to have access to the Internet.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The gym gives you energy, but you need energy to get to the gym. Feels like a pyramid scheme, if you ask me.

The older I get, the more I love my morning coffee and no one speaking to me.

I was guest-starring on The Love Boat when you woke me up. You’re dead to me.

Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The gym gives you energy, but you need energy to get to the gym. Feels like a pyramid scheme, if you ask me.

Keep the laugh going 😂

The older I get, the more I love my morning coffee and no one speaking to me.

Having a girlfriend who doesn’t post herself on social media is an underrated blessing.

I was guest-starring on The Love Boat when you woke me up. You’re dead to me.

Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

Don’t interrupt me while I’m embarrassing myself.

Welcome to Elephant in the Room club, no one talks about it.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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