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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has viewed:

Holding this fart in feels like I’m pregnant with a dinosaur.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

I talk to one guy, and he wants to break my heart. I talk to five guys, and they all wanna take me seriously.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

It’s a little ironic when you consider that the Internet was invented to save time.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

None of the parenting books say what to do when your kids start calling you ‘Bruh.’

Someone from 🇮🇱 has downloaded:

A driver that delivers Indian food is called a curryer.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

I hope this email finds you in the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

If the number 666 is considered evil, then technically, 25.8069758 is the root of all evil.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Everyone hates drama, yet somehow the tabloids remain in business.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

Nobody ever talks about how Sodom and Gomorrah were walkable cities.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

I respectfully ignore DMs because I promise you, I am not your soulmate.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,312

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

Let’s lay on the couch together, play on our phones, and ignore each other, babe.

Seen just now on Messenger:

This summer I’m going cicada mode: emerging briefly from my house and being really loud until I find a mate.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Can’t wait to get past this phase of my life. I need to see what all of this was for.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Coolest part about starting a new job is the immunity to disease you get for 3 months till you get sick days.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Friendship is when you don’t tidy up before visitors arrive.

Freshly posted on X:

Being annoying is the most beautiful thing a woman could be.

Going viral on TikTok:

I hate when I grab a live wire and everyone sees my damn skeleton.

Just shared via Discord:

Croutons feel like an apology. “Sorry we gave you salad. Have some consolation toast.”

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Putting a hot frying pan into a sink running with cold water makes me feel like a blacksmith.

Going viral on WeChat:

I’m so high at Home Depot right now, and I have to ask where the hose at. And I know I’mma laugh when I do.

The Sunday struggle is wanting to relax and wanting a clean house, but also not wanting to clean or move.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Sounds like my kind of workout: a mental marathon where I cheer myself on from the couch! 🛋️💪😴

chores, clean, clean house, cleaning, conflict, house, laziness, motivation, move, procrastination, relax, struggle, Sunday, wanting

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Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Yeah, I can explain that gap on my resume, I tried to move a picture in Word.

40 shares on Discord this month:

Ever think vampires just lied about hating garlic, now we’re just out here seasoning ourselves for them?

22 shares on Messenger this month:

Another beautiful day, ruined by responsibility.

44 shares on Twitch this month:

Socialism is like polio, it comes back when people forget about the horrible damage it did last time.

73 shares on WeChat this month:

I was waiting on the universe but the universe was actually waiting on me.

99 shares on Telegram this month:

Another customer getting a haircut started talking to my barber. Please don’t talk to my barber. You have your own.

15 shares on YouTube this month:

I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

78 shares on Facebook this month:

How do I become a billionaire by 9 a.m. Monday? Please, it’s urgent.

73 shares on Snapchat this month:

You have 8 hours remaining to create shareholder value.

76 shares on Slack this month:

I love eating fast food and getting big and fat. It’s amazing.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

When you’re sad, find two equally sad friends and form a cryangle.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Of course I stay hydrated. Carbohydrated.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

Just washed my windows and not a single bloke came out and said ‘You can do mine next!’ This used to be a real country.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

How do I get recruited by a cult? I need some direction in my life.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Your suitcase just texted. It’s getting bored.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

They say “Time heals.” No, it doesn’t. I’m still mad.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

At a certain age, all you really want is a good mattress.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

A general rule of parenting: if you’re having a great day, the day isn’t old enough yet.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Scams used to be like “free money!” and now they’re like “hello, we have a job for you”, which seems to be a bad sign.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

I birthed my kid faster than she can put on shoes.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

“Twister 3” should be told from a cow’s POV.

Going viral on Slack:

Oh my God, “unc” means uncool. I thought it meant uncle. Like you’re carrying the energy of someone’s weird uncle.

Just landed via Reddit:

A moment of silence for those who hate us but can’t unfriend us because they’re afraid of not knowing what’s happening in our lives.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Girls be like, “I hate this man,” then have sex with him.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Age is just a number… that now takes a really long time to scroll to.

Spotted on Twitch:

My summer body has been pending for about ten years.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Totally unrealistic movie title: “The Postman Always Rings Twice”. We all know that these guys only ring once and then leave.

Just landed via Instagram:

My kids wanted a spooky story from the olden days so I told them the internet used to scream when you turned it on.

Shared recently on Reddit:

When buying presents I like to think, what would Jesus have got you? So yeah, enjoy your fish sandwich.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Let’s skip the getting-to-know-you phase. Just block me.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The Sunday struggle is wanting to relax and wanting a clean house, but also not wanting to clean or move.

There’s nothing more satisfying than the little nap you have after hitting snooze on your alarm.

If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you are holding the taser wrong.

If you say something while exhaling smoke, it is 10 times more profound.

A narcissist wants the authority of a king while having the accountability of a toddler.

People who take two steps on the stairs are both active and lazy at the same time.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The Sunday struggle is wanting to relax and wanting a clean house, but also not wanting to clean or move.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I’m developing a new fragrance for introverts. It’s called: “Leave me the fuh cologne”.

There’s nothing more satisfying than the little nap you have after hitting snooze on your alarm.

If it hurts you more than it hurts them, you are holding the taser wrong.

If you say something while exhaling smoke, it is 10 times more profound.

A narcissist wants the authority of a king while having the accountability of a toddler.

People who take two steps on the stairs are both active and lazy at the same time.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨