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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

When the Beatles say, “Come together, right now, over me,” what was that about? Why did they say that?

Someone from 🇿🇲 has copied:

A fitness trainer showed me the proper way to inhale and exhale and then got pissed when I told her she had nice breaths.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

This can’t be the same body that used to be able to pull all nighters.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

She was rare. Like a parking spot in the front row on a rainy day.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

Imagine trying to ruin my day and I ignore you for the rest of my life.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has downloaded:

How lazy are you?” I greet people by raising my eyebrows.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

The main reason I got divorced was cause I got married.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

The best cuddles are the ones where you don’t have to deflate her when you’re done.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

My washing machine is over here taking load after load, like Bonnie Blue.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

I love when my grandma texts me — because I know it took her an hour.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,357

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I’m not fat. I’m just easy to see.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I forgot how weird November is. There’s no afternoon; it’s just night after 3 p.m.

Spotted on WeChat:

There’s no-one who can get more drunk on power than the admin of a village Facebook group.

Going viral on Messenger:

I’m in a comfy dress today, but I look like a potato in floral. Call me Nelly Flortato.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Don’t feel bad if you don’t succeed on your first try. It took Michael Angelo sixteen chapels.

Making waves on Instagram:

Signatures are so unserious, just “pinky promise” for adults. Write your name in a silly little way on this very important piece of paper so we that we can send you to jail if you do anything wrong.

Making waves on Twitch:

My bank assures me my money is safe with them, yet they keep their pens chained to desks and most of them are missing.

Just shared via Pinterest:

The best part about filling out doctor appointment forms online is when you get there and they say “hello, please fill out these forms!”

Going viral on Instagram:

Spring is what we call the time in between complaining about the cold and complaining about the heat.

Just shared via Slack:

Sharing wired earphones is a forgotten form of intimacy.

This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

7 days ago

Funny Quotes

Playful quote about morning routine and imaginary quick-draw finger guns in the mirror.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Just in case of a high-noon showdown with the reflection sheriff! 🤠🔫😆"

bathroom, bathroom mirror, draw, every, finger, finger gun, gun, guns, humor, just, know, mirror, morning, never, practice, quick, quick draw, situation, unexpected, unexpected situation

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Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on X this month:

They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit.

40 shares on Facebook this month:

At the dispensary asking which strain will stop the yearning.

10 shares on Discord this month:

I hope the next time you’re stressed, it’s because you’re choosing between Japan, Bali, Switzerland, or the Maldives.

66 shares on Threads this month:

My teen believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left, and oh, how I laughed and laughed.

85 shares on Instagram this month:

We’ve been talking about eating the rich for so long, they got over-ripe.

51 shares on Telegram this month:

My dog pisses on every election sign regardless of political party so I have no idea who he is voting for.

65 shares on Facebook this month:

How was the word “Wife” invented? They took the first two and last two letters of wildlife.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Why is there so much day left at the end of my energy?

90 shares on Slack this month:

They say sugar can’t fix your problems. Yeah, well, neither can broccoli. At least cake puts in the effort.

17 shares on WhatsApp this month:

They should make you watch a training video and pass a little test before you’re allowed to touch the office coffee maker.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

The best part about being single is sleeping around. You can sleep all over that bed of yours – left, right, middle.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

An internship is only unpaid if you don’t steal enough.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

Sleep is a free trial of death but with ads.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

I need to know the brand of toothbrush my neighbor has. I hear it buzzing sometimes an hour at a time and she’s clearly enjoying it.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

I’m uncomfortable around tall people. What if they pick me up and put me on their shoulders?

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Every room can be a room with a view when I’m in it.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

When someone touches my phone, I automatically turn into a ninja.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Half of all the problems in life can be solved by duct tape. For the rest, you’re gonna have to reboot that computer.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Therapy should be free and accessible because getting traumatized is free and accessible.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I was having a great day, and then, people.

Live now on Pinterest:

The leading cause for injury in old men is them thinking they are still young men.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.

Seen just now on Threads:

Why do we say ‘slept like a baby’? Babies wake up every two hours crying. I want to sleep like my cat—14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Spotted on Twitch:

You’re never too old to shout, “Mooooo,” when you drive past some cows.

Just landed via Twitch:

Well, that’s not very in love with me of you.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

My body is a machine that turns traumatic experiences into 10 likes on X.

Making waves on X:

Years of personal growth can be unraveled in 2 days at your parents’ house.

Going viral on Instagram:

Standing on a scale and thinking: so much wisdom and inner beauty can’t be light.

Seen just now on Discord:

No thanks, social media influencers. I prefer making decisions the old-fashioned way: under the influence of alcohol.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

Professor, set the time machine for right now. I’m trying to be more present.

Your car antlers tell me everything I need to know about you.

One day you’ll find someone who’s obsessed with you. It’ll probably be a demon but that’s what it is.

The most avoided species of shark is the Loan.

I hate when I have dreams about work. I’m not getting paid to interact with these people on my time off!

When you realize your punishments as a kid (stay home, take a nap, no junk food, go to bed early) are now your goals as an adult.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Professor, set the time machine for right now. I’m trying to be more present.

Your car antlers tell me everything I need to know about you.

One day you’ll find someone who’s obsessed with you. It’ll probably be a demon but that’s what it is.

The most avoided species of shark is the Loan.

I hate when I have dreams about work. I’m not getting paid to interact with these people on my time off!

When you realize your punishments as a kid (stay home, take a nap, no junk food, go to bed early) are now your goals as an adult.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨