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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

The secret to work life balance is generational wealth.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

People in their 20s be like, “This is my emotional support master’s degree.”

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

Dogs can’t talk and everyone loves them. Coincidence? I think not.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Money does not buy happiness, but it’s better to cry in a sports car than on a bicycle.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “yeah, but not to you”.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has viewed:

I just sneezed my wife awake from a nap so any discussion about renewing vows is on hold for a bit.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Being smart is a curse. You see the game, the lies, the patterns, but you still gotta play dumb to survive.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

I had a hard time coping with the divorce. I’m fine now, but at first I was almost crazy with joy.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Being a little freak is my love language.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

I swear, one more minor inconvenience and I’m running away to join the circus.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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Updated

Jan 19, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

As a dad, you’re required to ask your neighbor “You gonna do mine next?” when you see them raking leaves.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Duolingo does everything except actually teach you the language.

Seen just now on Reddit:

So much anger in this small little body. I feel like a chihuahua.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I’m at the age where unnecessary noise be pissing me off.

Seen just now on Discord:

I can relate to God because it also takes me a full week to finish something that still kind of sucks.

Trending via WhatsApp:

My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.

Making waves on Messenger:

I told the trees what you did. Be wary when you enter the forest next.

Just shared via X:

I’m not shaking hands anymore. You may bow or kneel down.

Live now on Snapchat:

My favorite game is to guess if my headache is due to dehydration, migraine, malnutrition, stress, lack of sleep, poor position, or a brain tumor.

Broadcasted on Slack:

We’d all look younger if we just avoided young people.

This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

2 months ago

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"Just in case of a high-noon showdown with the reflection sheriff! 🤠🔫😆"

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62 shares on Snapchat this month:

Lowkey wanna fall in love, but Monday to Friday is work, Saturday is laundry, Sunday is mental prep for Monday. The butterflies in my stomach are actually decomposing.

78 shares on Telegram this month:

“I’m just a girl!” No, you are a monster.

88 shares on Snapchat this month:

Of course babies cry when flying, their entire understanding of planes centers around them being eaten.

36 shares on Twitch this month:

My teen believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left, and oh, how I laughed and laughed.

20 shares on Snapchat this month:

I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.

13 shares on Slack this month:

Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.

35 shares on Twitch this month:

I have more photos of food on my phone than I do of my children.

65 shares on TikTok this month:

No longer praying on your downfall. I will be directly involved.

55 shares on WeChat this month:

If you wear enough cardigans, people will assume you’re smart and you can stop reading entirely.

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t want your hoodie, I want your still-beating heart presented to me in a box.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇿 has viewed:

This summer I’m going cicada mode: emerging briefly from my house and being really loud until I find a mate.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

In your 20s, you’ll meet a short man. It’s very important you jump over him.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

I don’t need a recipe for disaster. I usually just eyeball it.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has viewed:

If a tree falls on your ex in the woods and no one’s around to hear it, you should probably still get rid of the chainsaw.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

Handsome, you better get to the point, my beer buzz is starting to wear off.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

I was very disappointed when I found out drinking alcohol doesn’t actually kill brain cells, I was hoping to join a political party one day.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

I think it’s clear that companies making medicine have no idea what fruits taste like.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

The first pyramid scheme was when the Egyptians took credit for the pyramids that were clearly built by aliens.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Feeling lonely? Just glue a coffee cup to the roof of your car. Everyone will wave to you.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

So heartbreaking to do laundry and realize you can’t wash the clothes you’re literally wearing right now… you will never have a completely fresh start.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

You ever go to a baseball game and hear a guy yelling, “hot dogs! hot dogs!” over and over again? That’s me, looking for hot dogs.

Making waves on YouTube:

Never wrestle with a pig. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it.

Trending via Pinterest:

Tonight, my poor liver has to pay again for what went wrong during the week.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Why am I scrolling? What am I searching for?

Just landed via YouTube:

It’s amazing how music can transport you to another place. For example, this coffee shop is playing Justin Bieber, so I’m going to another restaurant.

Making waves on TikTok:

I decided to be me and now we have a problem.

Spotted on Slack:

Went for a walk. Very pleasant evening. The squirrels and rabbits kept running away from me. That stung a little. I will remember their faces.

Trending via Facebook:

Everyone thinks they’re a badass until seaweed brushes their leg.

Trending via Discord:

I would be very interested to hear from someone who is ILLEGALLY blind.

Going viral on Pinterest:

No matter how messed up your situation is, someone on Reddit’s already lived it, cried about it, and made a 3-part update with screenshots and farmed 12k upvotes.

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Activity Log ✨

This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

One of the great things about being a dad is how easy it is to launder my own desire for ice cream through my children.

Sex is cool, but have you ever made peace with the horror of being alive.

Microdosing Christmas by being present.

“At your big age” is one of my favorite insults.

Imagine hating me, and I’m over here with one hand in my pocket, and the other one giving a high five.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

Keep the laugh going 😂

A delivery driver just asked for my date of birth. I said, “94.” He replied, “Is that 1994?” Oh, sorry mate, no. My bad, that was 1794. Right around the French Revolution.

One of the great things about being a dad is how easy it is to launder my own desire for ice cream through my children.

Sex is cool, but have you ever made peace with the horror of being alive.

Microdosing Christmas by being present.

“At your big age” is one of my favorite insults.

Imagine hating me, and I’m over here with one hand in my pocket, and the other one giving a high five.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨