Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

Yeah, baby, I am an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

Reverse cowgirl is not a fair trade because, why do you get a view of my sexy back, and all I’m seeing are your toes throwing gang signs?

Someone from 🇲🇦 has viewed:

Burger King implies the existence of an entire burger based feudal system.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

The only guarantee in life is, if you run errands looking like shit, you will run into everyone you haven’t seen in months.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

Stretching my back isn’t enough; I need to take out my spine and wring it out like a towel.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Please continue to leave me out of the loop.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

One day we will tell our grandkids how far we had to scroll to get to the recipe.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

People who live in glass houses shouldn’t change clothes.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Grant me the serenity to supernaturally change the things I cannot accept.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

Every triangle is a love triangle when you love triangles.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,882

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Sometimes, I wonder what my life would be like if I had a good haircut.

Breaking via YouTube:

I feel sorry for dogs. They learnt to fetch newspapers, but newspapers are dying. Killed by an internet driven by cats.

Just landed via Discord:

I ain’t typing “X” into the URL bar, my wife is right behind me.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Before you just FaceTime me randomly, please don’t.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Waiting for my wife to approve my new year’s resolution of making independent decisions.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Sex is cool and all, but have you ever tried obsessing over a mediocre person who’s just not that into you.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Just did a seductive hair flip and an onion ring flew out.

Spotted on Messenger:

The first two drinks don’t count if you have social anxiety, they just turn you into a normal person.

Going bananas on Threads:

How am I supposed to relax when there are things?

This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Just in case of a high-noon showdown with the reflection sheriff! 🤠🔫😆"

bathroom, bathroom mirror, draw, every, finger, finger gun, gun, guns, humor, just, know, mirror, morning, never, practice, quick, quick draw, situation, unexpected, unexpected situation

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

All the stops on the bus are pointless, except the one I’m getting off at.

0

2 months ago

bus, except, getting, humor, pointless, pointlessness, stop, transportation, travel
It takes so much energy to go inside a Walmart.

0

5 days ago

energy, exhaustion, humor, inside, much, retail, shopping, store, Walmart
Thinking about taking some time off to focus on cheese.

0

5 months ago

break, cheese, focus, food, humor, relaxation, taking, thinking, time, time off
I don’t trust anyone who gets enraged over messed-up fast food orders.

0

2 months ago

anger, anyone, fast, fast food, food, food order, frustration, humor, i, order, over, personality, reaction, trust
There’s a famous ancient Chinese proverb, but it’s written in Chinese so I have no idea what it says.

0

2 months ago

ancient, Chinese, confusion, famous, humor, i, idea, language, proverb
“I’m not even close to how crazy I’m legally entitled to be.”

0

2 months ago

attitude, close, crazy, entitlement, even, health, humor, legal, legally, mental, mental health, personality

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on Instagram this month:

Whenever I’m willing to sell my soul, there’s usually food involved.

68 shares on YouTube this month:

Don’t break someone’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206 of them.

23 shares on TikTok this month:

My life plans are fading like Marty McFly’s family photo.

40 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

86 shares on Pinterest this month:

My car spider built a web across my steering wheel and now I can’t go anywhere.

48 shares on Twitch this month:

Nicknamed my iPhone Lois Lane because it doesn’t recognize me without my glasses on either.

83 shares on Instagram this month:

My soulmate is probably out there, wondering if there’s life on earth.

51 shares on YouTube this month:

A freshly cleaned bathroom triggers an irresistible urge in men to trim their beard.

100 shares on Slack this month:

People aren’t too bad if you stay away from them and don’t go outside.

77 shares on WeChat this month:

No, it’s fine. I watched some cartoons and now I feel a little more at ease with your stupidness.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Noise-canceling headphones aren’t enough, I need everyone to shut up.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has bookmarked:

A genie that does my bidding would fix me.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has downloaded:

If I like you I keep you close, if not I keep you at a distance so I can mime squishing your head between my thumb and forefinger.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has viewed:

Good morning, especially if they tried to make you go to rehab and you said “no, no, no.”

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

Whenever my hormones try to get me to reproduce after all, I go to IKEA and watch the goings-on there. After that, I’m good again.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

“You replied so quickly.” God forbid I wait like a dog to hear from you again.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

“Some things are better left unsaid,” I think to myself immediately after I hit send.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

I may not have lost all my marbles yet, but there’s a small hole in the bag somewhere.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has copied:

I went for an interview at IKEA. The manager greeted me by saying “come in, make a seat”.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

I literally just went through something, and now I’m going through something else. What’s next?

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

If you say “Excellent choice” after somebody selects a floor in an elevator, you can usually get a pity laugh.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

People have ex girlfriends, I have ex crushes.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Adding “Free HBO” to your dating profile isn’t the game changer you’d think it’d be.

Making waves on TikTok:

At therapy, saying “Don’t worry about it” to every question.

Just shared via Discord:

After I get irritated, it takes me about 2 hours to fix my face.

Just shared via Slack:

If i say “morning!” to you, it does not mean “good morning”, I am merely exclaiming in horror that it is morning.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

If I win the lottery, I’m buying four politicians and some really nice shoes.

Just landed via Discord:

Friends with consequences.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Just shared via YouTube:

Imagine if all the money spent on AI was spent on trains.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

All the stops on the bus are pointless, except the one I’m getting off at.

It takes so much energy to go inside a Walmart.

Thinking about taking some time off to focus on cheese.

I don’t trust anyone who gets enraged over messed-up fast food orders.

There’s a famous ancient Chinese proverb, but it’s written in Chinese so I have no idea what it says.

“I’m not even close to how crazy I’m legally entitled to be.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨