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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

That beeping of the parking assistant when you get too close to other cars. I’d like that for people.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Relationship status: I love my bed.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has shared:

If I were in charge of Nike, I’d change the slogan to “Just Say You Did It. Nobody Ever Checks.”

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

Scratching the mosquito bite on my foot? Literally orgasmic. This is the kind of stuff that the government doesn’t want you to know.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

The reason I don’t trust polls is because the people being polled are people who willingly answer the phone when an unknown number is calling them.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

I try to find the good in every situation. Wait, no – that was a typo. Food. I try to find the food in every situation.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Hotel towels are always the worst. So thick and fluffy that I can’t even close my suitcase.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

I get all the cardio I need by running out of patience.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has shared:

Establish dominance at work by drinking iced tea in a wine glass.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has shared:

I did a little research on why weekends are only two days long and it turns out people made that up. WTF, people?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,598

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Slack:

I talk to myself mostly because I am an excellent listener.

Trending via YouTube:

Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved staying up really late, hanging out with myself, and thinking about stuff and things.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

I know there are bigger problems in the world right now, but I’ve just realized I’ve never seen a baby seagull.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Most divorces are caused by a spouse eating potato chips while you try to watch TV.

Making waves on Instagram:

Dear razor commercials, please stop shaving hairless legs. If you want to impress someone, shave a gorilla.

Breaking via Twitch:

Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?

Shared recently on WeChat:

Santa: “Don’t leave me milk. Leave me whiskey.”

Just shared via Telegram:

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Having a teenager is fun because the voice in my head that questions everything I do now has a friend.

We work all week to work some more around the house all weekend long. Isn’t life grand?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal cycle of 'relaxing' by doing chores! Who needs rest when you've got a lawn to mow? 😅🏡🛠️"

around, chores, house, humor, irony, labor, life, satire, week, weekend, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

It’s cool how seeing a less flattering photo of an attractive friend does not change my perception of them at all, but seeing one of myself makes me want to jump off a bridge.

0

3 weeks ago

attractive, attractiveness, bridge, change, comparison, cool, flattering, friend, humor, image, insecurity, jump, less, me, myself, perception, photo, seeing, self, self-image, want
My kids acting shocked there’s ants in my car like they’re not Hansel and Gretel leaving bloody crumb trails.

0

2 months ago

acting, ants, car, crumb, Gretel, Hansel, kids, leaving, parenting, shocked, trails
Applying for jobs feels like auditioning to be enthusiastic about a blind date you haven’t even met yet.

0

2 months ago

application, audition, blind, blind date, date, dating, employment, enthusiasm, even, expectations, humor, job, jobs, pressure
Where does everyone go to get kisses? I haven’t figured this out yet.

0

5 months ago

confusion, everyone, humor, i, kiss, kisses, love, question, relationship, where
A job interview is basically a conversation between two liars.

0

4 months ago

conversation, humor, interaction, interview, job, job interview, liar, social, social interaction, workplace
Toilets are not a crime scene, traces may be removed!

0

2 months ago

bathroom, cleanliness, crime, crime scene, humor, joke, scene, toilet, toilets, traces

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Just had a crazy revelation: you can eat in the airport after your flight, too.

89 shares on Slack this month:

You are why Superman costumes have warning labels telling you the costume won’t make you fly.

80 shares on Pinterest this month:

It’s scary when the washing machine spins really fast.

42 shares on Facebook this month:

Telemarketer: “Hello, am I speaking to the head of the household?” Me, handing the phone to my cat: “It’s for you.”

29 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Before I die, I’m going to arrange for a friend to take my phone, and after the funeral, text everybody to say “thanks for coming” and other assorted messages of appreciation.

59 shares on Instagram this month:

Adulthood these days is just bills and running out of memory on devices.

92 shares on YouTube this month:

Was already at my breaking point, and then had to use the authenticator app.

83 shares on Slack this month:

Being a people pleaser that no one is pleased with is the main cause of my anxiety.

72 shares on Slack this month:

They give smokers all those breaks to make up for the time taken off their lifespan.

42 shares on Instagram this month:

When butterflies fall in love, do they feel humans in their stomachs?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has shared:

Having Christmas off in the middle of the work week and then forcing us to go back to work the next day feels so illegal.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

The lioness does not concern herself with the pile of clothes she moves between bed and chair every day.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

My mama didn’t raise a quitter, she raised a burnt out perfectionist who is sometimes bludgeoned into settling for mediocrity.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Turning in bad essays to professors you have a personal relationship with is the most humiliating thing ever.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

Sex so good, my left hand is making my right hand a sandwich.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Like me, the weather is getting cooler around here.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Maybe somewhere in a parallel universe, I wake up feeling refreshed and energetic each day.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

I said “cool tattoo” to be nice not because I wanted to hear the 45 minute origin story.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Marriage! Because your shitty day doesn’t have to end at work.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Your honor, I have a role to play as the black sheep of the family.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

What I want for dinner hasn’t been invented yet.

Freshly posted on X:

I thought my mixed signals were perfectly clear.

Trending via Discord:

Pretty sure the guy in front of me at McDonald’s ordered the rest of the food.

Spotted on X:

This is an awful time to be an educated person.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

What did people do before eyeglasses, like half the world just walked around not being able to see?

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Me, when someone’s obsessed with me: Yikes! Me, when someone’s not obsessed with me: WTF?

Shared recently on Discord:

We’ve been talking about eating the rich for so long, they got over-ripe.

Going viral on Discord:

Well, well, well, if it isn’t that thing I’ve been ignoring until it became a giant problem.

Spotted on WeChat:

Here’s a question for all the mind readers out there.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

That moment your alarm clock goes off in the morning and you don’t know whether to get dressed or fake an illness.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

We work all week to work some more around the house all weekend long. Isn’t life grand?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

It’s cool how seeing a less flattering photo of an attractive friend does not change my perception of them at all, but seeing one of myself makes me want to jump off a bridge.

My kids acting shocked there’s ants in my car like they’re not Hansel and Gretel leaving bloody crumb trails.

Applying for jobs feels like auditioning to be enthusiastic about a blind date you haven’t even met yet.

Where does everyone go to get kisses? I haven’t figured this out yet.

A job interview is basically a conversation between two liars.

Toilets are not a crime scene, traces may be removed!

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨