Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has copied:

Not much is worse than that feeling of going back to work after a lunch, or a vacation, or just going to work in general.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

Hey, sorry I can’t go out tonight. I already showered and got into bed, and now I’m busy rubbing my feet together like a little grasshopper.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

I’m a “I have an appointment later, so I can’t do anything else for the rest of the day” kind of person.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has shared:

I’m going to write a book about all the things I should have done with my life. l’ll call it my oughtabiography.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

I’m chronically online in a different and more sophisticated way than you are.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

All of my passwords are protected by short-term memory loss.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has viewed:

Take your days off, these jobs don’t care about you.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Screen time on your computer feels like healthy screen time, screen time on your phone feels like evil screen time.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

I’m a big believer in not going to work on your birthday!

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,666

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Returning to Twitter is like coming back to a dysfunctional family.

Just shared via Twitch:

I’m not accepting the bare minimum; I need you to shake it to the max.

Trending via Threads:

Some people’s laughs are funnier than the joke.

Spotted on Threads:

Sorry, can’t. Waiting for my clothes to come back into style again.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I am not the person I thought I was when I cut that donut in half.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Lies I tell myself: Just one more cookie. Just one more movie. Just one more minute.

Spotted on Slack:

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Why are there people outside at the same time as me? It’s my turn.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Sorry you thought I I was flirting with you; I had something in my eye.

Seen just now on Telegram:

People are too judgmental these days… I can tell just by looking at them.

We work all week to work some more around the house all weekend long. Isn’t life grand?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal cycle of 'relaxing' by doing chores! Who needs rest when you've got a lawn to mow? 😅🏡🛠️"

around, chores, house, humor, irony, labor, life, satire, week, weekend, work

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I keep myself humble by messing up all the time.

0

2 months ago

humble, humor, i, keep, lessons, life, life lessons, mess, mess up, myself, self-deprecation, time
People who don’t talk to themselves are the weird ones.

0

2 months ago

humor, people, self-talk, talk, weird
No, I won’t be attending your seance, I barely want to talk to the living.

0

2 months ago

avoidance, ghost, humor, i, interaction, living, remark, seance, social, social interaction, talk, want, witty, witty remark
My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.

0

2 months ago

afford, alcohol, caring, drug, employer, humor, i, pay, poorly, problem, salary, work
This entire month could’ve been an email.

0

2 months ago

communication, email, humor, month, productivity, time, work
Demi Lovato is short for demilitarized love potato.

0

2 months ago

demi, Demi Lovato, humor, joke, lovato, love, potato, short, wordplay

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on WhatsApp this month:

A toddler can do more in one unsupervised minute than most people can do all day.

25 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Twitter is the only place where well-articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes,” and somebody will say, “So you hate waffles?”

21 shares on Messenger this month:

The first thing you learn to draw in art school is money from your parents bank account.

14 shares on Discord this month:

I kinda want a boyfriend but then where will I put my purse when I drive?

97 shares on Discord this month:

Combining breakfast and lunch: Brunch. Combining wine and dinner: Winner.

54 shares on Reddit this month:

Nice tots you got there. Be a shame if someone tatered em.

18 shares on Facebook this month:

Processed food was literally designed for you to eat. Organic is just some crap they found on the ground somewhere.

65 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Don’t listen to them, little password. You are strong.

83 shares on Telegram this month:

Calling someone a “tough cookie” is not a compliment, tough cookies are literally the worst cookies.

55 shares on Facebook this month:

Eating cold ravioli counts as breakfast if you’re still wearing yesterday’s clothes.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has shared:

Twitter is where the broken, the used, the fighters, and the lovers gather to appreciate the twisted beauty in one another.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has bookmarked:

I avoid drama by being unpopular.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Whoever’s been in charge of the weather for the last few weeks seems to have fallen asleep on the couch with the remote control in their hand.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

Sorry, I don’t think I can hang out this weekend, my 4-year-old is still telling a joke.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Brains are funny. I can remember every word to a song I haven’t heard in 20 years, but I’ve got no clue what my email password is.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

This Monday could have been an email.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

I wish more modern politics were about trying to stop the fulfillment of an ancient prophecy.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

Spring is what we call the time in between complaining about the cold and complaining about the heat.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Those security guards at the Samsung store are Guardians of the Galaxy.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

Asking people their favorite color and then calling them liars.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Slack:

One of the most disappointing things is when you get a severe thunderstorm warning, and there is no severe thunderstorm.

Freshly posted on Threads:

When I was a kid, we weren’t allowed to use our phones in school. Mainly because the cords wouldn’t reach.

Spotted on Threads:

Good news: I set an all time high today! Bad news: It’s my cholesterol.

Just landed via Snapchat:

This gingerbread house isn’t even close to fire safety codes.

Shared recently on X:

To quote Hamlet Act III, Scene III, Line 92 “No.”

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Too shy for influencing. Too dumb for crypto. Too honest for a scam. Too lazy for 9-5. How can I make money?

Just landed via Twitch:

Thanks for your email! Unfortunately, I have filled my pockets with stones and am making my way to the sea.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I hate porn that starts off with sex. I need to know why they have sex.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Don’t buy roses for her, buy chicken nuggets. Show her you really care.

Live now on TikTok:

75% of being a divorce lawyer is just answering emails from clients saying, “No. No. No. You absolutely cannot do that, no.”

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

We work all week to work some more around the house all weekend long. Isn’t life grand?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I keep myself humble by messing up all the time.

People who don’t talk to themselves are the weird ones.

No, I won’t be attending your seance, I barely want to talk to the living.

My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.

This entire month could’ve been an email.

Demi Lovato is short for demilitarized love potato.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨