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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Not sure how to flirt, but I can make things awkward if you’re into that.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

I always take responsibility for my actions when there is no one else around to blame.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has copied:

Clueless but committed – that’s my vibe.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Why are plane tickets so expensive? You’re going that way anyway, just give me a ride.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here making love.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

I forgot to get milk, so Santa has a cup of Pepsi Max.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

I miss you when I wake up before you.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

I suppose someone has to do all the consuming and obeying.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

I’m old enough to remember when regular websites were usable.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

Adulting means growing hair in places you’re not supposed to and losing hair in places you don’t want to.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Girl to girl: Please have at least two boyfriends.

Trending via Facebook:

So sad. Elvis died before he could see the Lego movie. He woulda been like, ‘Mama, those blocks are movin’ and shakin.’

Live now on Snapchat:

Blowing over it is also dusting.

Live now on Instagram:

I do believe TikTok saves the funniest videos for late at night. There’s no way.

Just landed via Discord:

How late is too late to still be lying in bed, naked, drinking coffee?

Going viral on Discord:

Getting so tangled in the sex shop bead curtain that they have to put me down like a horse with a broken leg.

Just shared via Threads:

Watching a movie and subtitles not syncing is low-key pain.

Freshly posted on X:

In my 20s: I’m gonna live forever! In my 40s: uh oh!

Just landed via YouTube:

Me attempting to flirt: So do you like doing things?

Live now on X:

Can’t. Typing a password into a TV.

What are some beginner bad habits for someone just getting into ruining their life?

1 day ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text highlighting funny beginner mistakes for life's chaos, with a playful, humorous tone.

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Commentary:
Starting your mornings with a triple espresso and existential dread! ☕😅📉

bad, bad habit, beginner, funny question, getting, habit, habits, humor, just, life, question, ruin, ruining, sabotage, self, self sabotage, someone

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81 shares on Instagram this month:

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

43 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Walking around the art museum and verbally saying, “Banger,” after inspecting a painting.

11 shares on Twitch this month:

Just gonna drink light beers today, because I don’t wanna get drunk but I do enjoy peeing 30 times.

82 shares on Reddit this month:

Very disappointed by the symbolism of last night’s dream. Just really obvious, derivative stuff.

35 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Wish my metabolism worked as fast as my anxiety.

36 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t need therapy, I need a bagel with cream cheese.

58 shares on Snapchat this month:

Whenever І wake up and see that someone has wrіtten a bunch of funny posts before noon, І assume they are a mornіng drіnker.

73 shares on WeChat this month:

I don’t want to adult anymore. Don’t even want to be human. I want to be a goat. Jump around randomly, eat what I want, and head-butt anyone who annoys me.

18 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I like that blood pressure kits come with a free, handy zip-up bag that your stuff will never fit in again once you take it out.

47 shares on Threads this month:

Some people get a bit strange as they get older. Not me. I’ve always been like that!

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

Do you ever think about how many people squeezed the avocado that you’re eating?

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

I was telling my sister that I’ve been going to the gym recently, and my nephew said, “You should go inside when you get there,” and I don’t think I’ll ever recover from that.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Scams used to be like “free money!” and now they’re like “hello, we have a job for you”, which seems to be a bad sign.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

Most people prefer lies. The truth just hits them like a WiFi outage, and then they just stand there, confused and buffering.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

I don’t get it when people say they are only a “little” angry, I am either not mad or will kill you.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

Come on, brain, release the happy chemicals.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

My ex is somewhere telling his new girlfriend how bad I was, and she’s smiling, thinking she made it in life. Two idiots.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Hello! I’m Britain’s greatest spy and my catchphrase is: I tell you my real surname, then my real forename, then my real surname again, in case you missed it.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Bro to bro: Never get your haircut on the day of a special event.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

Food gives you energy to nap more.

Shared recently on Reddit:

There’s no filter on my pics or my thoughts. I’m just out here raw-dogging it.

Live now on Messenger:

Rom-com idea: Gozilla +1. Godzilla gets invited to a wedding but struggles to convince anyone to go with him.

Going bananas on Instagram:

Men be like, “That’s my dream girl,” then ruin her perspective of love forever.

Going bananas on Messenger:

I’ve spent years struggling to prove that the sunk-cost fallacy isn’t actually a fallacy. No sense in giving up now, though.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Not only is it not Friday, but it’s not even Thursday.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Shampoo companies need to be clearer when they say “repairs damage”. I cancelled my therapy for nothing.

Spotted on YouTube:

I would love to go back to the days when the biggest stress was finding the best hiding place when playing hide and seek.

Trending via Snapchat:

Kind of miraculous how much love can be summoned and how much your day can be improved by just looking at an animal and saying stuff in a weird voice.

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Activity Log ✨

What are some beginner bad habits for someone just getting into ruining their life?

If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

The older I get, the more I hate making extra stops after work. I drive home like I’m late for the house.

My name is Bob but my friends don’t call me.

You can use an egg timer to tell you when your egg is cooked perfectly. For brown rice you can use a calendar.

Cleaning out your camera roll is like the biggest chore ever.

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Trending Topics 📁

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

What are some beginner bad habits for someone just getting into ruining their life?

Keep the laugh going 😂

If McDonald’s sold hot dogs, would you be able to, with a straight face, order a McWiener and tell them to supersize it?

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

The older I get, the more I hate making extra stops after work. I drive home like I’m late for the house.

My name is Bob but my friends don’t call me.

You can use an egg timer to tell you when your egg is cooked perfectly. For brown rice you can use a calendar.

Cleaning out your camera roll is like the biggest chore ever.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨