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Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Being on Twitter right now is like playing the violin on the Titanic, except we are also making fun of the iceberg and the iceberg is getting genuinely mad.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has shared:

A Twitter swear jar could end world hunger.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

Back in my day, if you were 14 on the internet, you kept that to yourself.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has bookmarked:

When I find it, I don’t need it. When I need it, I can’t find it.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

May he drop his phone on his face while he’s texting other girls.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

The only joke my mom ever made was me.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

I firmly believe that at this point my guardian angel is just eating popcorn and watching the drama.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Going back on a dating app is the new walk of shame.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Suicide is never the answer, you gotta outlive your enemies.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

It’s always annoying to be woken up by some guy mowing his lawn. Just go around me, man.

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Shared recently on LinkedIn:

At my age, a trail of clothes leading to the bedroom, means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I was dropped as an adult.

Live now on Messenger:

Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.

Breaking via Messenger:

I’m developing a new fragrance for introverts. It’s called: “Leave me the fuh cologne”.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

The thing about sleep is that I’d like to get some of it.

Spotted on Messenger:

My morning routine is basically just me convincing myself not to go back to bed.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Taking a walk: The most effective debugging tool.

Seen just now on Messenger:

People who can fall asleep quickly freak me out… I mean, don’t they have thoughts?

Just landed via Reddit:

What have I done to deserve this? Oh yeah, right, I remember.

Live now on WeChat:

You get your hands on a real serious pair of scissors and wonder what the hell they were doing with the regular ones.

What are some beginner bad habits for someone just getting into ruining their life?

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text highlighting funny beginner mistakes for life's chaos, with a playful, humorous tone.

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Starting your mornings with a triple espresso and existential dread! ☕😅📉

bad, bad habit, beginner, funny question, getting, habit, habits, humor, just, life, question, ruin, ruining, sabotage, self, self sabotage, someone

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96 shares on Facebook this month:

Why are they called “grammar Nazis” and not “the Gestypo”?

70 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Do mens sneezes get louder and louder as they age until they explode?

54 shares on WhatsApp this month:

So apparently they don’t count as sit-ups if you’re just trying to get out of bed.

89 shares on Instagram this month:

When I was a kid I thought shrimp cocktails had alcohol in them and I thought it was such a weird way to get drunk.

88 shares on Facebook this month:

I read somewhere on the internet that 87% of what you read on the internet isn’t true, and I believe it.

87 shares on Slack this month:

Whenever I go down the stairs next to an escalator, I always move faster than the escalator to prove to the people I made the better decision.

56 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Why do people always assume it’s a compliment when I tell them their baby looks just like them?

77 shares on Reddit this month:

He’s making a list, he’s checking it twice, he’s leaving the store, he still forgot milk.

11 shares on Reddit this month:

Nobody ever talks about how Sodom and Gomorrah were walkable cities.

12 shares on Reddit this month:

The fine art of sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Hey, so this Mercury retrograde is actually really demonic and soul-crippling. Let’s wrap this up by midnight.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

Most of my job is making things idiot proof, but they keep making better idiots.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Can anyone recommend some basic intrusive thoughts for someone looking to get into anxiety?

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

At my funeral, sit me up so I can see who’s talking to my man.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

Taking a phone to school in primary was like smuggling drugs.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth. Then it becomes a soap opera.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

Long story short, I survived.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

My therapist is fluffy and walks on four paws.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Got the zoomies at work, and now HR is chasing me around with a butterfly net.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

You give my middle finger an erection.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

How do I tell someone respectfully to die in a fire?

Spotted on Reddit:

There’s no need to put a little umbrella in my drink. It’s already wet.

Live now on Messenger:

Girls will be like “it’s fine” and then go and curse your whole bloodline.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Somewhere on our planet, there is someone who doesn’t care about you at this moment. It could be billions.

Seen just now on Facebook:

People who leave the blinds closed the entire plane ride: who hurt you?

Just landed via Instagram:

Can we start the weekend again? I wasn’t ready.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Signatures are so unserious, just “pinky promise” for adults. Write your name in a silly little way on this very important piece of paper so we that we can send you to jail if you do anything wrong.

Breaking via TikTok:

I highly recommend having hobbies, it distracts you from falling in love unnecessarily.

Live now on Twitch:

I love being a pretty woman because it widens the threshold for cringe-worthy things I can say.

Just landed via WeChat:

I only obey the traffic rules to get on other peoples’ nerves.

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Activity Log ✨

What are some beginner bad habits for someone just getting into ruining their life?

There’s an app for the people who say they’re not seeking some form of validation here. It’s called a diary.

My kids have been joking for weeks about a new Pokémon called Puke-Achu and then they got the stomach flu and brought it to life.

Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout, touchscreens, or money before.

It’s okay to feed your car a curb, as a little treat sometimes.

If there is a God and He “loves” us, then explain snakes.

Those 8 hours at work go by quickly when you call off.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

What are some beginner bad habits for someone just getting into ruining their life?

Keep the laugh going 😂

There’s an app for the people who say they’re not seeking some form of validation here. It’s called a diary.

My kids have been joking for weeks about a new Pokémon called Puke-Achu and then they got the stomach flu and brought it to life.

Every time I use self-checkout, the person in front of me has never used self-checkout, touchscreens, or money before.

It’s okay to feed your car a curb, as a little treat sometimes.

If there is a God and He “loves” us, then explain snakes.

Those 8 hours at work go by quickly when you call off.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

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