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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

There are no laws against pineapples on pizza.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

Caffeine: the adult version of fairy dust.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has viewed:

I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Good morning to everyone who still believes what they see with their own two eyes.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has copied:

Took a bunch of Ibuprofen to keep my posts from being too inflammatory.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

I respect the moon because it controls three of our most precious entities: oceans, wolves & women.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

Love it when my brain is like, “You forgot something,” and then refuses to elaborate.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

My husband is the do-it-yourself type. I asked him to take out the garbage and he said, “do it yourself.”

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

The Scream movies were believable in the ’90s, but no one with any common sense answers unknown numbers on their phones anymore.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Getting tipsy at a dimly lit restaurant with good conversation would heal me right now.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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3,742

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via X:

Your woman will take 2 hours to get ready, but if you don’t have your shoes on when she is ready, you’re the problem.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Every McDonald’s should have a flag they fly at half mast when the ice cream machine is down.

Making waves on YouTube:

Is there a word for FOMO but it’s already happened and you didn’t know about it when it was happening?

Just shared via YouTube:

I slept for 11 hours last night, just wanted everyone with kids to know that.

Just shared via YouTube:

Red Bull doesn’t give me wings, it gives me gas.

Spotted on Messenger:

Surround yourself with people who google the menu of the restaurant beforehand.

Going viral on Reddit:

I want whatever the people who run at 6 a.m. have.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I asked R2D2, and he said you’re a loser.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Sometimes it feels better not to talk. At all. About anything. To anyone.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Just once I wanna slide down a dinosaur at the end of my workday, is that too much to ask for?

What are some beginner bad habits for someone just getting into ruining their life?

3 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Witty text highlighting funny beginner mistakes for life's chaos, with a playful, humorous tone.

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Commentary:
Starting your mornings with a triple espresso and existential dread! ☕😅📉

bad, bad habit, beginner, funny question, getting, habit, habits, humor, just, life, question, ruin, ruining, sabotage, self, self sabotage, someone

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18 shares on Messenger this month:

Just because it’s a bad idea doesn’t mean it won’t be a good time.

39 shares on Slack this month:

“Home Alone” is a holiday reminder that peace begins the moment everyone leaves the house.

95 shares on TikTok this month:

Don’t blame a clown for acting like a clown. Ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

85 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m at the stage in life where I stay out of arguments. Even if you say 1+1=5, you’re right. Have fun.

28 shares on Instagram this month:

Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

66 shares on Threads this month:

Politics top tip: Gain people’s trust by telling them that everyone is lying to them.

20 shares on Pinterest this month:

Trying is the first step toward failure.

94 shares on Facebook this month:

For my birthday, I want everyone to tell me how much they love me and why in immense detail.

53 shares on Facebook this month:

Glad I didn’t really waste any time studying international law, seeing as how it is fake and meaningless.

44 shares on LinkedIn this month:

That awkward moment when someone is doing the dishes, and you slowly put your dish in the sink.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

A thing I never realized about being an adult is that you will always be cleaning your kitchen. No matter if you get takeout, no matter if you’re gone all day, you will be cleaning the kitchen.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Not really interested in anything that isn’t everything.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Having a kid is so fun when you’re childish, like yeah, it’s my turn with the slime, boo.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has shared:

I have never seen an alcohol company using a drunk person for any advertising, are they ashamed of their customers?

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

God, never seen San Francisco this bad. Spiderwebs completely covering entire business, skeletons just strewn about sidewalks in every neighborhood. Things have got to change!

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Roses are red, my name is not Dave, this makes no sense, microwave.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has shared:

Going from summer clothes to winter clothes: “Okay!” Going from winter clothes to summer clothes: “I AM NOT READY!”

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

I only obey the traffic rules to get on other peoples’ nerves.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Thank you, moon, for staying awake so late.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

The fastest mammal on earth is the smartass on the web.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

“Listen to your body!” Okay, well, my body wants to lay down and eat snacks all day.

Shared recently on X:

When is a robot gonna take over my job? Please?

Spotted on Pinterest:

It’s amazing how music can transport you to another place. For example, this coffee shop is playing Justin Bieber, so I’m going to another restaurant.

Breaking via Pinterest:

After cooking show a dishwashing show with same host but kind of drunk.

Going viral on Instagram:

I wonder if it’s possible to swim from one end to the other in a pool filled with mashed potatoes.

Spotted on Facebook:

My greatest joy in life is when a friend reads a book I recommend. My greatest frustration in life is when they don’t read it fast enough.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Shy with a mean resting face is a crazy combo.

Trending via YouTube:

When I was a little kid, I used to think, “This little pig went to market,” meant it was going shopping!

Shared recently on X:

How can vampires enjoy drinking our hot blood in the summer and other thoughts that keep me up at night.

Just shared via TikTok:

I have never “lit up a room” unless you count arson.

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Activity Log ✨

What are some beginner bad habits for someone just getting into ruining their life?

Was that meant to be a joke or did you just accidentally spill a bunch of words you were carrying around?

I did some exercise in 2010, I should be good for another few years.

Not enough rap songs about stores suddenly changing their layout.

Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, and if that doesn’t accurately describe my life, I don’t know what does.

I can’t really explain it but cereal at night tastes better than cereal in the morning.

My mom always used to tell me that I look cute when I sleep. My boss has a different opinion.

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Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

What are some beginner bad habits for someone just getting into ruining their life?

Keep the laugh going 😂

Was that meant to be a joke or did you just accidentally spill a bunch of words you were carrying around?

I did some exercise in 2010, I should be good for another few years.

Not enough rap songs about stores suddenly changing their layout.

Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, and if that doesn’t accurately describe my life, I don’t know what does.

I can’t really explain it but cereal at night tastes better than cereal in the morning.

My mom always used to tell me that I look cute when I sleep. My boss has a different opinion.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨