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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Humans are just chaos wrapped in meat, going bananas on caffeine.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

My therapist said this to me, and it hit me like a brick: “They’re not your friends if they disagree with you or try to challenge you.”

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Being old is basically trying to figure out what part of the body the noise is coming from, and why.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Sleeping is nice, because you’re not actually dead and you’re not awake, so its a win-win situation.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Leaving your house and returning back safely is such an underrated blessing.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

The PhD student is someone who foregoes their current happiness in order to forego future happiness.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

The question I ask myself most often is, “What would a jury think about this?”

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

My wallet is like an onion; opening it makes me cry.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

One week of daily crunches and I have abs…urdly underestimated how long it will take to see results.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,377

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Chip bags should be clear, show me what you want me to pay $6 for, cowards.

Just shared via Reddit:

Pinky promises are still a legit foundation of trust.

Seen just now on X:

Tornados are just a bunch of ghosts fighting over a cow.

Going viral on Facebook:

So much anger in this small little body. I feel like a chihuahua.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I should have peed before I left, and other things I’ll never learn: A memoir

Just landed via Discord:

If you say “awesome sauce” on a first date, you’ll still have that lucky condom in your wallet tomorrow.

Shared recently on Slack:

If you ever feel like something’s missing in your life, it’s probably me.

Going viral on Pinterest:

I am convinced that size matters, especially when it comes to the heart.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

70% of marriage is yelling “What” from a different room.

Just landed via Instagram:

Remember when we had to smack the TV cause it wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about too many people.

Whenever I close an app and immediately open it back up, I really feel how dire it all is.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When my app is like "pick a card, any card" and I stubbornly choose the same card 💼🔄😅

app, back, close, digital, digital life, dire, feel, frustration, humor, i, life, open, procrastination, reopening, technology, whenever

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My child has entered the “Why?” stage of linguistic development, and I’ve realized I know absolutely nothing.

0

2 months ago

absolutely, child, development, humor, i, know, knowledge, linguistic, linguistic development, nothing, parenting, stage, why, why stage
I’ve done the math: If the month had 10 days, I would get by with my money.

0

2 months ago

budgeting, days, done, finance, get by, humor, i, management, math, money, month, time, time management
I’m going to a karaoke bar tomorrow, where I’ll sing every song in the style of Yoko Ono.

0

2 months ago

activity, bar, entertainment, every, fun, fun activity, going, humor, karaoke, music, ono, parody, performance, sing, singing, song, style, tomorrow, where, yoko, Yoko Ono
The first person to ever throw up was probably like, “Ok, what the hell.”

0

2 months ago

curiosity, early, early human, ever, hell, human, humor, ok, person, reaction, surprise, throw, vomiting
All my favorite activities involve a mattress.

0

3 months ago

activity, favorite, favorite activity, humor, laziness, mattress, relaxation, sleep
Returning to Twitter is like coming back to a dysfunctional family.

0

2 months ago

back, coming, comparison, dysfunctional, dysfunctional family, family, humor, media, return, returning, social, social media, Twitter

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on Twitch this month:

Do u guys also have a story in your head, and when you’re bored, you just add more to it and continue from where you left off?

85 shares on Threads this month:

I just want someone who can see through all my bullshit and hate me for who I really am.

34 shares on X this month:

Some people have goals based on a summer body. Mine revolve entirely around the weight limit of my beach chairs.

26 shares on Instagram this month:

Later is the best time to do anything.

79 shares on WeChat this month:

There’s no one I respect more than duck hunters. You spent $15,000 on a camouflage boat to outsmart a duck.

89 shares on X this month:

No thank you, I only like men who have no interest in me.

28 shares on Discord this month:

Reading for pleasure implies the existence of reading for pain. They’re calling it a PhD.

82 shares on Facebook this month:

“Nothing beats in-person interaction”. Yeah, with someone I know and love, not Denise from finance.

28 shares on Reddit this month:

But babe, that’s my emotional support Lord of the Rings Extended Edition.

34 shares on Instagram this month:

Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is you’re stupid and you make bad decisions.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Stop avoiding your banking app. Go look at what you’ve done.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Having a crush on a girl makes you think things like, yes, let me make more money.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

My dad wasn’t absent or present; he was a secret third thing.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so make sure you tell bad people they’re bad.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

When I say “I’m open to feedback” I mean “I accept compliments.”

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Having a sore throat as a giraffe must really suck.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

People who lie all the time really think that we don’t know.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

The word “misread” can be misread as “misread.”

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

Parents be like, “I gave you everything I had,” and by everything, they meant the collector’s edition boxed set of mental illness.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

You can’t hurt me. You’re not how I look first thing in the morning.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

When phones were tied with wires, people were free. Now that phones are wireless, people are tied.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not too sure any more.

Spotted on Discord:

The answer is a cabin in the woods, by the way.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

The funniest thing about 28 Years Later is that the rest of the world just went “Uhm, anyway!” and carried on as normal, while the Brits live in hell.

Freshly posted on X:

I hate interviewing. Just hire me. I stand on business, for real.

Breaking via Twitch:

I’m the friend who shows up with a shovel and an alibi.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Hold on, let me overthink this.

Shared recently on Reddit:

If I had a dollar for every time I didn’t know what was going on, I’d be like, why am I always getting all this money?

Spotted on Reddit:

Nobody cleans better than somebody that’s pissed off.

Just shared via Slack:

Sometimes I wish I had a speed bump between my brain and my mouth.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Whenever I close an app and immediately open it back up, I really feel how dire it all is.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

My child has entered the “Why?” stage of linguistic development, and I’ve realized I know absolutely nothing.

I’ve done the math: If the month had 10 days, I would get by with my money.

I’m going to a karaoke bar tomorrow, where I’ll sing every song in the style of Yoko Ono.

The first person to ever throw up was probably like, “Ok, what the hell.”

All my favorite activities involve a mattress.

Returning to Twitter is like coming back to a dysfunctional family.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨