Wordgag ツ

Commentary:
Why settle for an undertaker when you can have a host mortem instead? 🕵️‍♂️💀 It's the ultimate party for the dearly departed! 🎉 #DeathlyDelightful

death, host, humor, irony, mortem, undertaker, wordplay

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Underrated life skill: only doing what feels genuinely right and letting everything else go.

0

4 months ago

authenticity, care, decision, doing, else, everything, feels, humor, intuition, letting, life, life skill, mindset, only, right, self, self-care, skill, underrated
In the event of a water landing, place the life jacket over your head and swipe your credit card to inflate.

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2 months ago

airplane, airplane safety, card, credit, credit card, emergency, event, head, humor, inflate, jacket, joke, landing, life, life jacket, over, place, safety, swipe, water, water landing
Women only want one thing, and it’s the power to cast men who tell us to smile right into a pit of giant venomous serpents.

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2 months ago

cast, empowerment, gender, giant, humor, man, men, only, pit, power, right, sarcasm, serpent, smile, tell, thing, us, venomous, venomous serpent, want, woman, women
I finally used a screw from the random screw collection I’ve been accumulating for 25 years, and I’ve never felt so alive.

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2 months ago

25, accomplishment, alive, collection, feeling, hobby, humor, i, never, random, screw, time, used
Being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet.

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2 months ago

adult, adulting, being, chores, fitted, fitted sheet, folding, frustration, humor, irony, life, life skills, responsibility, sheet, skills
Therapy isn’t enough. I need to be electrocuted and get my memory erased.

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2 months ago

electrocution, enough, health, humor, i, joke, memory, mental, mental health, need, therapy

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

59 shares on Telegram this month:

Getting accused of using AI when you didn’t is like this century’s version of a witch allegation.

57 shares on Snapchat this month:

Red Bull doesn’t give me wings, it gives me gas.

21 shares on Facebook this month:

Called off work. Feeling fat and wearing jeans.

31 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I want to clarify that what I publish on social media does not define me as a person; I am worse.

45 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m tired of commercials trying to be funny. Scare me into buying something. I want to be terrified of buying the wrong toothpaste.

65 shares on Discord this month:

Back in the good old days, we didn’t have to trim our toenails, they just got wore down naturally from running from dinosaurs.

17 shares on Slack this month:

Life is basically avoiding people who have seen you naked, whilst trying to find new people to see you naked.

85 shares on Pinterest this month:

You can’t argue with me because I’ll just agree with you until you leave.

76 shares on Facebook this month:

If you can’t wow them with wisdom, baffle them with bullshit.

95 shares on Messenger this month:

Elevators frighten me. I take steps to avoid them.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

When life gives you lemons, squirt someone in the eye.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

That gap in my resume is from when I was lost at sea.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has downloaded:

Unknown numbers will call me, then expect me to talk first. Welcome to the breathing competition.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

Kinda rude when I spend money, and it actually leaves my bank account. But okay.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

We need a word for that weird feeling you get when you learn what a podcaster looks like.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Why do fruit flies be everywhere but at the supermarket? Ain’t that like their Golden Corral?

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

French is bullshit. They keep changing the translation of ‘soup du jour’ each day.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

I plan the silliest murders in my dreams because all I have to do to get away with it is wake up.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

What we need is an evil Santa who steals our children’s most annoying toys.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

I don’t jump to conclusions, I cannonball into them like a boss.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Discord:

The fact that someone looked straight at a purple onion and named it red onion really bothers me.

Live now on Slack:

When a man is a good cook, that cancels out like three red flags.

Shared recently on Threads:

Cool times create cool guys.

Going viral on Instagram:

Explain it to me like I’m 5 drinks in.

Spotted on X:

How did they get kids to pose for oil paintings? Mine won’t sit still for 4 seconds for a family photo.

Just landed via YouTube:

Netflix subtitles be like “speaking foreign language”. Bro, translate it!

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Life begins when you can afford it.

Breaking via Facebook:

I knew the date was going well when we shared a glass of gravy with two straws.

Trending via Instagram:

Jeans have the tendency of looking neat when you’re about to wash them.

Just shared via WeChat:

In a parallel universe, Mariah Carey is doing her shopping and is sick of hearing me on every store’s speaker system.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Who called it an undertaker and not a host mortem?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Underrated life skill: only doing what feels genuinely right and letting everything else go.

In the event of a water landing, place the life jacket over your head and swipe your credit card to inflate.

Women only want one thing, and it’s the power to cast men who tell us to smile right into a pit of giant venomous serpents.

I finally used a screw from the random screw collection I’ve been accumulating for 25 years, and I’ve never felt so alive.

Being an adult is like folding a fitted sheet.

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to be electrocuted and get my memory erased.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨