Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

I don’t know what kind of sex makes y’all want a joint bank account, but I ain’t had it yet.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

The most embarrassing thing in the world is when you make a fool of yourself in front of a baby and it doesn’t laugh.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has copied:

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Which one are you, the liar or the loser?

Someone from 🇪🇷 has downloaded:

Just got emotional imagining a worm emerging from its cocoon as a dragonfly and then got even more emotional remembering that’s not what they do.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

This wouldn’t happen to me if I were a huge dragon.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Netflix had enough cash to buy Warner Bros., but cried poor when we shared passwords with our mom.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Oh, lord. I brought my mouth with me to work today and it’s all sass. Prayers, please.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

The only running I do is to chase the ice cream truck.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,441

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Threads:

Home is where you can walk around like a bum.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Feeling like a bug without his rug.

Going viral on YouTube:

My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I ordered mushrooms on my pizza. When do they kick in?

Making waves on Facebook:

The only exercise I’ve done this month is running… out of money!

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Don’t let the fact that I’m deeply unserious distract you from the fact that you’re in the presence of a genius.

Just landed via Facebook:

I’m single because of everyone else’s shortcomings.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Hopefully it won’t be as bad as it already is.

Live now on X:

Whoever removed the 30th and 31st from February, come get the 14th too.

Freshly posted on X:

One day I’ll have a sassy, know-it-all daughter, and my husband will say, “She got that from you,” and I can’t wait.

You know you’re getting old when the radio stations and bars play music you don’t like, but the supermarket is throwing out banger after banger.

0
You know you’re getting old when the radio stations and bars play music you don’t like, but the supermarket is throwing out banger after banger.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
When even your grocery list starts grooving to the beats, you know it's time to embrace your inner supermarket DJ! 🛒🎶🕺

, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes
🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

10 shares on Instagram this month:

Trying to be cute today but my face isn’t cooperating.

58 shares on Slack this month:

Wake me when AI does housework.

56 shares on Pinterest this month:

Roadtripping with my family has taught me that my marriage can withstand anything except roadtripping with my family.

65 shares on Snapchat this month:

I wish I had a pair of skinny genes.

21 shares on Snapchat this month:

My dad must pay my monthly cell phone bill as atonement for his original sin of creating my consciousness.

83 shares on Twitch this month:

Some people stay longer in a toilet than in a relationship.

20 shares on Instagram this month:

My anti-theft device in my car is that it’s manual.

92 shares on Twitch this month:

Twitter is fun. You kinda just talk to yourself and sometimes someone replies.

49 shares on Facebook this month:

Money talks, and also waves goodbye.

19 shares on LinkedIn this month:

All my passwords are protected by short term memory loss.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I have friends in high places (birds).

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I said it was my favorite show, I didn’t say it was good.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing more humiliating than sending a text message with a picture and the picture doesn’t send for ages and now you’ve said something sooo odd out of context.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

When you’re young, weekends are for fun. When you’re older, they’re for recovery.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Normalize saying “better you than me” to people who keep complaining about everything.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

It sucks that brainwashing is a bad thing, because generally speaking the idea of washing my brain sounds so nice.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate it when my body decides to get sick. I gave you a vegetable last week, how dare you.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I put my bathroom scale in the corner, and that’s where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Having an empty laundry basket is the best 5 seconds of my life.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Perfume is key, but deodorant is keyer and showering is keyest.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

219 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,488

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,488

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,247

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

The older I get, the more I lose my looks. But I’m also losing my eyesight, so it’s not my problem.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

If I block you and you email me, you’re getting another chance.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

You stop moving your mouse for 5 seconds, and Microsoft Teams will say you never showed up for work.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

Little do my friends know they’re healing me every time we hang out.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

“I’m currently not accepting new items on my to-do list.”

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Told my girlfriend that Mum is deaf, so speak loud and slow. Also told Mum that my girlfriend has special needs.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, so eat that cake today.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

The worst part about borrowing money is having to pay it back or move to a new city.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

I’m at the age where using the wrong pillow makes you feel like you broke your neck.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

Someone just honked to get me out of my parking spot faster… so now I have to sit here until both of us are dead.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

Trending via TikTok:

Forget my browser history, when I finally pass from this earth, please delete my calculator history because it’s way more embarrassing.

Making waves on Twitch:

All I want for Christmas this year is the housing market to crash, so I could buy a 5-bedroom, 4-bathroom house for $3.

Making waves on TikTok:

You want me to pay attention to the details? The thing the devil is in?

Spotted on WhatsApp:

All I think about is death and sex.

Trending via Twitch:

How is every author the #1 New York Times bestseller?

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Being completely ignored on Twitter is associated with higher IQ.

Just shared via YouTube:

Marriage! Because your shitty day doesn’t have to end at work.

Going bananas on Instagram:

To my beloved wife, I leave my circus and my monkeys.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

A credit card is kind of like a gift card to every store.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴