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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Behind every great tweet is a person rolling their eyes.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

I’m a pocket full of sunshine, not your dumping ground for grumpiness.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has downloaded:

Spotify should have helpful mental health suggestions like “your top listens are Taylor Swift and true crime, go to therapy.”

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Not trying to brag but this cop says my rear end is smoking.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has shared:

The idea of a relationship is so much better than the reality, bruh. I used to be angry at 7 a.m.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

“Don’t take this the wrong way!” Translation: Prepare for insult.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has shared:

Hear me out: agenda reveal parties for people we don’t trust.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

My worst fear is dating someone who loves their ex like my exes love me.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

So I used to wonder about people that paid a fortune for those little bottles of Evian water, until I read it backwards.

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New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,531

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Discord:

I hate when people ask me: “Why are you so quiet?” Because I am. That’s how I function. I don’t ask others, “Why do you talk so much?” It’s rude.

Going bananas on Discord:

Stop checking up on your friends, and check up on me.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I don’t know much, but I know this: the older you get, the faster the number of things you’re willing to wait in line for approaches zero.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I, unfortunately, was born without any interest in Avatar.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

My sweatpants sat me down and said they want me to get an office job again.

Live now on Discord:

I would go out more if there weren’t any humans out there.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The only men you can trust is ramen.

Seen just now on X:

I’m not superstitious because it brings bad luck.

Going bananas on Slack:

I may be ugly, but I used to be uglier.

Spotted on Telegram:

Going to the gym for my health and wellbeing? No, I just wanna look good naked.

A toddler in their “why” phase makes you realize how little you know.

6 days ago

Humorous quote about toddlers' endless curiosity revealing our own ignorance.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Oh, the endless string of 'whys' from a toddler – a surefire way to test your knowledge and patience! 🤔👶 Embracing the 'why' phase is like staring into the vast abyss of curiosity, with only your wits and Google to guide you! 😂🔍 #EndlessInquiries #ToddlerWisdom"

curiosity, humor, know, knowledge, little, little knowledge, parenting, phase, realization, realize, toddler, why, why phase

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on X this month:

Dear unsuccessful applicant, we ultimately decided to split the role between existing staff without paying any of them extra.

18 shares on Threads this month:

Imagine hearing the ice cream truck music, but at night.

33 shares on Discord this month:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how quiet your bathroom exhaust fan was.

32 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s curious how kids are always really hungry right before dinner and right after dinner, but never during actual dinner.

27 shares on Telegram this month:

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

76 shares on Facebook this month:

I tried to scream into the abyss today but got a busy signal.

77 shares on Messenger this month:

I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.

19 shares on Discord this month:

“You replied so quickly.” God forbid I wait like a dog to hear from you again.

17 shares on Twitch this month:

To be blocked is to be seen and to be seen is to be loved.

64 shares on Twitch this month:

You’re so vain. You probably think me being in this tree outside your house is about you.

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Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

For someone who is afraid of failure, I’m very unmotivated.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Only difference between me and someone in a psych ward is I’m outside.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I feel like everyone who has ever had a hamster has some kind of traumatic experience with it.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Halloween is cool, but nothing is spookier than my previous choices in men.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

An adventure and a dragon would cure me.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you’ll get if you’re able to ‘fall asleep right now.’

9 folks are currently checking 👀

If you can’t tell which family member is coming up the stairs by the speed and weight of their footsteps, are you even family?

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve already broken all my resolutions and like four commandments.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Since I’ve stayed away from most people, I get on much better with people.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

A girl was coming over till she wasn’t—that’s what happened.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,264

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Polar lights: when the sky forgets it’s supposed to be boring.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

Not to brag, but I drove and found a place I was looking for without turning down my music today.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Embattled politicians resign saying they want to spend more time with their families. Do their families get a say in this?

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

Filling my PEZ dispenser with Ibuprofen for whimsical pain relief.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

How about hold me as tight as you’re holding onto that grudge?

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

One day I’ll have a sassy, know-it-all daughter, and my husband will say, “She got that from you,” and I can’t wait.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

God, on inventing the tiger: “Okay, so this is going to be some kind of cat that likes to eat Frosted Flakes.”

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Never underestimate the healing power of a grilled cheese sandwich.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Mr. Mixed Signals decided he likes me today.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Discord:

The children seemed disappointed when I told them the best part about being an adult is going to bed early.

Just shared via Twitch:

My love language is deader than Latin.

Freshly posted on Slack:

And today, just like every day, I learned something new . . . but I’m old, so I forgot what it was already.

Trending via Instagram:

First date idea: we walk around a graveyard and guess how people died.

Going bananas on TikTok:

College core: you sit in the class for attendance, then go home and teach yourself.

Going viral on Telegram:

I’m already sick of tomorrow.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If you see me looking zoned out, it’s because I’m having a therapy session with myself in my head.

Trending via YouTube:

The most romantic minds of our time are being subjected to situationships.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

I can’t believe I’m supposed to obey ALL the traffic laws ALL the time.

Shared recently on Facebook:

They should list at least one alien “as himself” in the Star Wars credits.

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