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Sounds like you’re one lace doily away from a time-traveling séance! 🕯️🕰️✨
Author Archives: slickboy
I miss the days when “What’s for dinner” wasn’t my problem.
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When "What's for dinner?" becomes your problem, suddenly cereal at 9 PM feels like a gourmet decision 🍽️🤣🥣
Nobody in the entire world has ever known what to do with me.
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Sounds like you're a puzzle without the box lid for instructions! 🤔🧩
Why do I have to take care of this idiot (me) every single day? Can’t she do anything on her own?
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Sounds like a full-time job with no benefits! 😂🤦♀️ #OverworkedAndUnderpaid
If you think Dry January is hard, wait until you try Abstinence August.
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Abstinence August? Sounds like my calendar needs a vacation 🚫🍹🤦♂️
I can show you the stars, we just have to stand up really fast.
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Zooming to space without a rocket! 🚀🤯✨
I liked it better when I was naive enough to think everyone was empathetic.
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Ignorance is bliss, but reality needs better PR. 😅🌍🤯
Twitter is my serious account, the funny one is my bank account.
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If my bank account is a joke, I'm still waiting for the punchline 😂💸
Is there a job where I can lay on the floor and listen to music?
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Sign me up for the "Professional Floor Lounger and Music Critic" position! 🎧🛋️😆
Popping your head in the cockpit and saying, “Anywhere here will do, chief.
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This level of trust might get you upgraded to co-pilot! 🛫😂