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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Getting a boner because the Lego instructions are telling me what to do.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

It’s so hot out, I just hydroplaned off the toilet seat at work.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

Stop hating yourself for everything. Be specific.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has shared:

They’re making me get out of bed.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

You have to stay up as needlessly late as possible to make the next day as horrible and hard as possible.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has bookmarked:

Petition to lower the retirement age. I’m tired now.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

The year flies by when you’re scrolling.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

I’m disgusted by the amount of nudity on Netflix these days. There’s hardly any. What am I even paying for?

Someone from 🇬🇭 has viewed:

Once married, the woman takes over the entire closet and the man stores everything he owns in his left cargo pocket.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Born to hate people. Somehow ended up in customer service.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,499

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Threads:

If I don’t duck my head when I drive into the parking garage, what’s gonna keep my car from hitting the ceiling?

Trending via X:

Has anyone seen my invisibility cloak?

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Me at a nightclub: Where are the chairs?

Spotted on Snapchat:

That stupid look on my face is my face.

Seen just now on Twitch:

Maybe somewhere in a parallel universe, I wake up feeling refreshed and energetic each day.

Trending via TikTok:

If history is repeating itself, when can I buy a pet dinosaur?

Just shared via Telegram:

My outfit is from Gucci and the body from Ferrero.

Trending via TikTok:

I haven’t spoken to my wife in years. I didn’t want to interrupt her.

Going viral on Twitch:

Free marriage tip: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she is mowing the lawn.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Me, one week before the new year: Not to brag, but I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of the year.

Each day on Twitter, there is one main character. The goal is to never be it.

6 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to stay low-key on Twitter like a ninja in a library 📚🤫 #AvoidTheSpotlight

character, daily, day, goal, humor, identity, main, main character, media, never, social, social media, Twitter

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Fun fact: Malcolm X was not his birth name. He was originally Malcolm Twitter.

0

2 months ago

birth, birth name, change, fact, figure, fun, fun fact, historical, historical figure, humor, irony, malcolm, Malcolm X, name, name change, Twitter, x
Welcome to your 50s… you can now fall asleep sitting up on the couch at any given moment.

0

2 months ago

50s, age, age joke, aging, asleep, couch, fall, humor, joke, moment, relaxation, retirement, sitting, sleep, welcome
Two reasons you never date at work: 1. HR frowns upon it. 2. Your partner gets super pissed.

0

2 months ago

2, advice, date, hr, humor, never, office, partner, pissed, reasons, relationship, super, work
Instead of likes, we should get a little kiss.

0

2 months ago

affection, fun, humor, kiss, likes, little, media, relationship, romance, should, social, social media
You wish you had this many chins.

0

2 months ago

body, body positivity, chin, funny remark, humor, positivity, remark, self-deprecation, wish
Imagine she’s home alone, bored out of her mind, and she STILL won’t put that laundry away. She is me.

0

2 months ago

alone, away, bored, boredom, home, home alone, humor, imagine, laundry, me, mind, procrastination, put, relatable, self-reflection, still

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

62 shares on Snapchat this month:

Roses are red. Let’s get some fresh air. Make love in the moonlight. Have a pregnancy scare.

13 shares on TikTok this month:

Sometimes I think I should talk to my colleagues more often. Until I talk to my colleagues.

51 shares on TikTok this month:

If you have an old house, but you haven’t got a ghost, you should complain to the estate agent.

42 shares on Telegram this month:

It’s okay to admit you want my lips on yours.

17 shares on YouTube this month:

Disliking me is valid. I probably confronted you on your poor behavior, while everyone else just accepted it.

24 shares on Snapchat this month:

Why do fruit flies be everywhere but at the supermarket? Ain’t that like their Golden Corral?

85 shares on Discord this month:

No matter how weird things seem to get, there’s always an episode of The Twilight Zone that was eerily similar.

86 shares on Twitch this month:

My superpower is to make anyone I wanna make comfortable feel uncomfortable.

19 shares on WeChat this month:

My default setting is sexual energy.

76 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I usually start exploring the abyss around 7 p.m.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

After a lot of experience, I can conclude that one can never actually cross “washing dishes” off the to-do list.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

We should be able take jets and tanks and stuff whenever we want, we paid for them.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has downloaded:

I miss the days when our biggest argument was whether West Coast or East Coast rap was better.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has bookmarked:

Every single bad day happened because I woke up.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

Therapy? You mean birdwatching.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Dropped my skinny boyfriend between the bed and the wall like a vape or a TV remote.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Swimming is so embarrassing, everyone can see you want to be alive.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

There’s protein in foods that have never been protein before.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Just a reminder that with Die Hard, Robin Hood and Love Actually, ‘Alan Rickman ruins Christmas’ is a whole movie subgenre.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

So tonight me and my phone are playing hide and seek. So far my phone is winning.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Once I shot a man with a paintball gun, just to watch him dye.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Me: God, please stop giving me your toughest battles. God: You just have to empty the dishwasher.

Freshly posted on Discord:

“You look tired.” Yes, bro, I stayed up all night obsessing over things I have no control over.

Breaking via Messenger:

I need the youth to start reading. Even if it’s the tag on your underwear. Read it.

Live now on Snapchat:

Closing down one work tab every day until Christmas like a reverse advent calendar.

Just shared via Messenger:

Dating apps aren’t working. I’ll see ya at Home Depot, gentlemen.

Seen just now on Twitch:

You did all that terrible driving just to end up right next to me at the stop light.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I hate when you leave your phone on the side, and it brings up that red evil clock.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Sorry, I can’t today, I have to rot in bed and squander my potential.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Each day on Twitter, there is one main character. The goal is to never be it.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Fun fact: Malcolm X was not his birth name. He was originally Malcolm Twitter.

Welcome to your 50s… you can now fall asleep sitting up on the couch at any given moment.

Two reasons you never date at work: 1. HR frowns upon it. 2. Your partner gets super pissed.

Instead of likes, we should get a little kiss.

You wish you had this many chins.

Imagine she’s home alone, bored out of her mind, and she STILL won’t put that laundry away. She is me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨