Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed over their chest because of the belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed over their chest because of the belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

Commentary:
"Seems like even ancient rulers couldn't resist the allure of a good water slide! 🌊👑 Just imagine the Pharaohs slipping and sliding their way into eternity, ready for a splash-tacular afterlife adventure! 💦 Who knew the pyramids were actually ancient water parks in disguise? 🏰🌈 #WaterslidesOfTheNile"

My sneeze is the reason people in the middle ages believed sneezing was caused by demon possession.

My sneeze is the reason people in the middle ages believed sneezing was caused by demon possession.

Commentary:
Ah-choo! 😈 Beware my sneezes, for they are so powerful that they could summon demons from the depths of the Middle Ages! 👻 Who knew my nasal exorcism skills were so legendary? 🤧 #SneezeGoals #PossessedByDemons

And no thanking Jesus unless he actually shows up at the ceremony.

And no thanking Jesus unless he actually shows up at the ceremony.

Commentary:
"Looks like Jesus is not RSVP-ing to this event! He must be too busy turning water into wine or parting the seas 🍷🌊 Let's keep the thank-yous Earth-bound for now 😉🌍"

Dear deodorant manufacturers, please stop writing "72h" on your products. There are people who believe that. And they sit next to me on the bus. Always. All of them!

Dear deodorant manufacturers, please stop writing “72h” on your products. There are people who believe that. And they sit next to me on the bus. Always. All of them!

Commentary:
"Dear deodorant manufacturers, if your product really lasts 72 hours, does that mean I can hibernate for 3 days and still smell fresh? 🤔 Meanwhile, my bus ride feels like a never-ending aroma adventure thanks to your 'long-lasting' promise! 🚌🤢 #PublicTransportStruggles"

Engagement photo shoots are so funny as a concept. Like girl, we believed you.

Engagement photo shoots are so funny as a concept. Like girl, we believed you.

Commentary:
📸💍 When engagement photo shoots have you wondering if the ring's bling is compensating for something, honey! 😂💁‍♀️ Who needs a photo to prove they found love when they've already posted a million relationship updates?! 🤳🤣 Just remember, diamonds may be forever, but a great sense of humor is priceless! 💎😜 #SorryNotSorry

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

If your god commands you to kill others, find another god.

Commentary:
"🙏🚫 When your god has a 'delete' button rather than a 'love thy neighbor' one, it might be time to switch deities! 🔪⛔️ #ChooseLoveNotViolence"

All dogs go to heaven, but I never see them in church.

All dogs go to heaven, but I never see them in church.

Commentary:
"Well, maybe they're just not into the paw-fect attendance policy 🐾🐕 Who can blame them though? With all that unconditional love and tail-wagging joy, they've probably already secured a spot in doggy heaven anyway!"

You’re an atheist? Well, I don’t believe you. See how you like it.

You’re an atheist? Well, I don’t believe you. See how you like it.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'I don't believe you don't believe' move. It's like a philosophical mind twister! 🤯🤔 Who knew doubting beliefs could be so meta? 😄 #AtheistMindGames"

I’m not religious but I know there’s a hell because Monopoly exists.

I’m not religious but I know there’s a hell because Monopoly exists.

Commentary:
"Who needs faith when you've experienced the eternal torment of Monopoly? 😈 Board games can be a real test of friendships and sanity! 🎲💸 #MonopolyHell"

I’m not superstitious because it brings bad luck.

I’m not superstitious because it brings bad luck.

Commentary:
"I'm not superstitious because it brings bad luck. Or at least that's what my lucky rabbit's foot told me after breaking a mirror under a ladder while spilling salt! 🐇🪞🪜 #JustMyLuck"