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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

I got called “pretty” today! Well, the full sentence was “You’re pretty annoying,” but I only focus on the positive things.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

I’ve never seen a Cybertruck with anyone in the passenger seat.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

You’re all using your crystals wrong. Put them in a sock and start swinging.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

Just saw a bird run across the street if you were wondering if anyone else is wasting their gifts.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

People used to fly kites. Glad that’s over with.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

I really miss my family… sized bag of crisps.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

Sorry, I’m late. I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

A true friend is someone who thinks you’re a good egg, even though they know you’re slightly cracked.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Told my boss I was going to the bathroom but didn’t say which one. Now I’m at home.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has shared:

I don’t always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,622

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Reddit:

Current state of politics: The circus is on fire but the monkey is fine.

Going viral on WeChat:

Ironically, the Internet was invented to save time.

Just landed via Slack:

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” I asked God to strike me dead with lightning.

Trending via TikTok:

I’m the type of husband that helps his wife look for her missing chocolate that I ate.

Breaking via Slack:

Establish dominance at work by drinking iced tea in a wine glass.

Seen just now on Threads:

Dear phone, if you didn’t light up so many times to tell me you had a low battery, you wouldn’t have died so quickly!

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Don’t believe in yourself, you can’t do it.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

There is always enough for the needy, there is never enough for the greedy.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

God forbid a girl uses shopping as her coping mechanism.

Spotted on Telegram:

I accidentally bought a pair of nose-cancelling headphones and now my glasses keep falling off.

47 Funny belief quotes

More funny belief quotes 👇

Contrary to what we currently believe, we don’t choose afternoon naps. Afternoon naps choose us.

0

2 months ago

afternoon, belief, believe, choice, choose, humor, irony, nap, naps, relaxation, sleep, us
I believe in annoyed at first sight.

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2 months ago

annoyed, belief, believe, first sight, humor, i, love, relationship, sight
I can’t believe I’m supposed to obey ALL the traffic laws ALL the time.

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2 months ago

belief, believe, compliance, driving, humor, i, irony, law, obey, rule, time, traffic, traffic law
I’m not religious, but if someone is turning water into wine, let’s take a second look.

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2 months ago

belief, humor, miracle, observation, religion, skepticism, someone, water, wine
TV lead me to believe grave digging would be a lot easier.

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2 months ago

belief, digging, expectation, grave, grave digging, humor, irony, misperception, TV
People always ask me “Do you believe in God?” and I say of course it’s important to have self-belief.

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2 months ago

always, ask, belief, believe, confidence, course, faith, God, humor, i, important, irony, me, people, say, self-belief, spirituality
The belief that software engineers are uniquely intelligent has done unimaginable damage on society.

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2 months ago

belief, damage, done, engineer, humor, intelligence, intelligent, irony, society, software, software engineer
Pharaohs were buried with their hands crossed their chest because of their belief there would be countless water slides in the after life.

0

2 months ago

after, afterlife, ancient, ancient Egypt, belief, burial, buried, chest, egypt, fun, hands, humor, life, Pharaoh, slide, water, water slide
With all the fake information out there, I refuse to believe scales or mirrors.

0

2 months ago

belief, believe, body, body image, fake, fake information, humor, i, image, information, mirrors, refuse, scales, self-perception
The only thing Flat Earthers have to fear is sphere itself.

0

2 months ago

belief, earther, fear, flat, flat earth, Flat Earther, humor, irony, joke, only, pun, science, sphere, thing

For even more funny belief quotes, hit next 👇

All funny belief quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

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Social Media Stars ⭐

82 shares on YouTube this month:

Bro, you will never rewatch that 7-minute video you took of fireworks. Just live in the moment.

62 shares on Messenger this month:

In my experience, bowling and pancakes have the same energy. High hopes at the beginning, lowered self-esteem at the end.

70 shares on YouTube this month:

“Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” Yeah, because I won’t be leaving my bed.

29 shares on Messenger this month:

I don’t even know what I’d do if a sailor called me a landlubber. I’d probably lose my cool.

55 shares on Twitch this month:

Men, it’s really simple. We want everything, but nothing, at the same time or different times, sometimes but not always.

41 shares on WeChat this month:

I noticed you haven’t posted in a few weeks, and just wanted to thank you.

75 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m like the Temu version of a well-functioning adult.

21 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Hey bartender, can you turn down the music, please? This guy I just met is trying to explain how baseball works.

38 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Hilarious when peoples outgoing voicemail message says they “can’t make it to the phone right now.” You carry the phone with you. It’s the only constant in your life.

30 shares on TikTok this month:

Marriage is scary, what if he doesn’t want our house to look like my Pinterest board.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

It’s only a family vacation if you think “We’re never doing this again” at least once.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

I don’t need Halloween. I have strange characters around me all year round.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

I’m living in a parallel universe where I suck at parking.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

All the things I like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

Unfortunately, I do love being the only person who knows exactly what I mean and the hidden meaning behind everything I do.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

Some people are so fake, their lock screens don’t recognize them.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Whatever y’all heard about me, I’m way worse.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

“So if I had kids, my kids would never…” Spoiler: Yes, they would.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has copied:

When I say I’m Christmas shopping the “for myself” is silent.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

The best way to enjoy your tea while the world is falling apart around you is to remember that the world has always been falling apart around you.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Apparently, “I just don’t want to” is not a valid reason when your boss asks you why you’re not coming in today.

Making waves on Slack:

I actually think it’s quite beautiful that you have to be the one to save yourself.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I heard a mouse yesterday. So now I loudly announce myself whenever I enter a dark room. In case you’re wondering how brave I am.

Making waves on Snapchat:

You can’t have everything… where would you put it?”

Trending via Snapchat:

My husband has entered the “fun socks” years.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I always figure it out on my own, I just need to panic first.

Just shared via Telegram:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re not exhausted, you’re just awake. Have a nice day.

Spotted on TikTok:

Took my car to the mechanic because it was making a terrible noise. He removed the Mariah Carey Christmas CD, and now it’s fine.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Refusing to make eye contact with anyone while I eat my banana.

Just landed via Discord:

I told my GPS I needed direction in life, and now it insists on recalculating every hour.

Activity Log ✨

47 Funny belief quotes

More funny belief quotes 👇

All funny belief quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨