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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New funny quotes: 6 this month

15,831 funny quotes and pics

17,824 funny quotes topics

Updated: Jun 2, 2026

 

 

 

 

 

322 Funny comedy quotes

Funny comedy quotes are the perfect way to celebrate the lighter side of life! 🎤😂 Whether it’s a quick punchline, a witty observation, or a ridiculous scenario, these quotes remind us that laughter is the best form of comedy. Get ready to laugh out loud — because comedy is all about finding humor in the everyday! 😆🎭✨

I deserve an Oscar for telling my dentist I don’t eat candy.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Bruce Lee had a faster older brother named Sudden Lee.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Imagine Pinocchio roasting you for 5 mins straight and his nose didn’t move an inch.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Lately I have the attention span of wait what?

Posted onMay 26, 2026

I am so tired ever my tiredness is tired.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

My train of thought derailed. There were no survivors.

Posted onMay 26, 2026

Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper “Nobody cares!”

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I was just viciously body shamed by my mirror.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Fries, not lies.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of emergency notify”, I put “Doctor.”

Posted onMay 25, 2026

People found guilty of not using punctuation deserve the longest sentence possible.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I’m hilarious.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I got all my marriage skills from watching Al Bundy.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

We go together like Drunk and Disorderly.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

In a job interview, you can always respond to an awkward question with a deep gaze and parted lips, followed by “You complete me.”

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I’m equally comfortable holding a guitar as I am holding a baby, I just hold them both by the neck.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Chuck Norris can rub two fires together to get a piece of wood.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Armed robbers are so weird. Why are you beating me when I don’t have money?

Posted onMay 25, 2026

My secret talent is turning any situation into a considerably more awkward one.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Roman soldiers are all like “I’m going to fight you in this short yet tasteful leather skirt.”

Posted onMay 25, 2026

That uncontrollable urge to hurt myself and others when a film’s subtitles are slightly out of sync.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Jump to recipe is the closest thing we have to teleportation.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Why is it called the Super Bowl if no one is bowling?

Posted onMay 25, 2026

A bird just flew into our glass door. Іt’s not dead. Just really embarrassed.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Just did my best horse impression and the doctor still won’t give me ketamine.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be using humor to hide pain.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

My favorite part of parenting is being exhausted all the time and losing the will to live.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Whoever is writing my Rom-Com, can you maybe, I don’t know, START IT?

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Two people had sex and now I’m fighting for my life everyday.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

British people be like “It’s Chewsday, innit?”

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I hate it when I gain 20 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

Another Netflix price increase? Guess we’re only chilling now.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

If you can’t laugh at yourself, I will.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I need a horror movie where a kidnapper abducts a possessed child and finds out.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I hate how what would have been a parody is now reality.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

First responders? You mean reply guys?

Posted onMay 25, 2026

I hate when I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actor.

Posted onMay 25, 2026

The secret ingredient to being really funny is childhood trauma.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

Robert De Niro always looks like he just smelled a nasty fart.

Posted onMay 24, 2026

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