Commentary:
Finally, a family secret worth guarding like Fort Knox! 🥩🗝️☢️
323 Funny comedy quotes
“I’m not falling for that again,” I say, as I’m about to fall for whatever that is again.
Commentary:
Ah, the classic "I'm-totally-not-going-to-fall-for-this-oh-wait-here-I-go-again" move 🤦♂️🙈
When I trip, I always look back to see who or what did it, because it couldn’t have possibly been my fault.
Commentary:
Blame it on the invisible ninja, because my feet have the grace of a giraffe on roller skates! 🤦♂️🦒🎢
Welcome to middle age. “I carried a watermelon” has gone from a movie quote to something you tell your orthopedist.
Commentary:
Suddenly, we've all got a sequel called "I Carried a Bag of Groceries" lined up for the doctor's office! 🍉🩺🤣
They’re releasing another “Jurassic” movie. Let me guess: The dinosaurs get loose.
Commentary:
Oh no, not again! Those dinosaurs need better door locks! 🦖🔓😂
Still can’t believe we have a federal holiday to celebrate the 1996 hit movie Independence Day.
Commentary:
Guess they're just trying to make sure we never forget Will Smith's legendary alien punch 😂👽🥊 #WelcomeToEarth
“What fresh hell is this?“ It’s actually the same hell as yesterday. Not fresh at all, really.
Commentary:
Guess we're in a Hell Groundhog Day! Where's Bill Murray when you need him? 🔄🔥😅
Spotify should have helpful mental health suggestions like “your top listens are Taylor Swift and true crime, go to therapy.”
Commentary:
"Next on your playlist: 'Professional Counseling Sessions' – they really hit all the right notes! 😂🎶🛋️"
The older I get, the more I understand why Grumpy Old Men exist.
Commentary:
"Every wrinkle is just a tally for the 'I've had enough' club! 😂🙄 #GrumpyGoals #AgingWithAttitude"
If we get invaded by space aliens, I am immediately defecting to the alien side. Sorry.
Commentary:
"Already practicing my 'Take me to your leader' speech! 🤖👽 #TeamAliens"