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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

Do we barbecue with women or without salad?

Someone from 🇬🇼 has downloaded:

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past two years.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

People out here living double lives, and I’m barely even holding a single life together.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has copied:

Where can one find a sugar daddy? Asking for a friend.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has downloaded:

Imagine trying to ruin my day and I ignore you for the rest of my life.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Apologies about the delay to your flight. We’re just waiting for one 3D printed part, but apparently a ‘fuselage’ takes a little time.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

There should be a variant of fencing with two guys trying to kiss one another.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

It’s a good thing that our phones only convey sight and sound. No offense, but from most of you I would never want to receive a smelfie!

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

She was rare, like a shopping cart at the grocery without a wobbly wheel.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has downloaded:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to annoy the shit out of a beautiful man for the rest of my life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,345

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Source? It was revealed to me on a walk.

Making waves on Twitch:

Too many losers and not enough people telling them they’re losers.

Trending via Telegram:

Okay, new plan, I’m going to marry a Kardashian.

Freshly posted on Discord:

In case anyone hasn’t told you today, I’m beautiful.

Shared recently on WeChat:

In case you wanna quit vaping, I’d suggest using a harmonica.

Spotted on Telegram:

If a zombie and vampire bite each other, who turns who?

Making waves on YouTube:

If you think I’m annoying, give it some time. You’ll know for sure pretty soon.

Just landed via Pinterest:

One of the hardest things to do as an adult is to go back to work after a long weekend.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

Your pronouns should be get/help.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like a cat. 14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

46 Funny crime quotes

More funny crime quotes 👇

The funniest thing about Batman is that he legitimately doesn’t give a shit about crime that happens during the day.

3 weeks ago

Batman, crime, day, daytime, give, humor, indifference, shit, superhero, thing
Walking up to any crime scene and whispering within the crowd, “It’s started again, hasn’t it?” then leaving.

3 weeks ago

again, crime, crime scene, crowd, dark, dark humor, exit, humor, interaction, irony, leaving, mystery, scene, social, social interaction, unexpected, walking, whisper
Thinking of starting a true crime podcast. Gotta explain this search history somehow.

3 weeks ago

activity, crime, digital, digital footprint, explain, footprint, funny idea, history, humor, idea, online, online activity, podcast, search, search history, thinking, true, true crime
What are some fun beginner crimes for someone getting into lawlessness?

3 weeks ago

activity, beginner, crime, fun, getting, lawlessness, someone
Is it ‘My wife and I’ or ‘Me and my wife’? Anyway, we just robbed a liquor store.

3 weeks ago

couple, crime, grammar, humor, i, just, liquor, liquor store, me, robbery, store, wife
If I’m wrongly accused of a crime, I’m going to prison. I’m way too introverted to have an alibi.

3 weeks ago

accusation, alibi, anxiety, crime, going, humor, introvert, prison, social, social anxiety, too
Debugging is like being the detective in a crime where you are also the murderer. Following the clues of an idiot.

3 weeks ago

being, clues, crime, debugging, detective, humor, idiot, murderer, problem, problem-solving, programming, solving, tech, tech humor, where
My hair would never allow me to commit a crime. I really do leave my DNA everywhere.

3 weeks ago

commit, commit crime, crime, DNA, everywhere, hair, humor, i, identity, leave, me, never, personal, personal trait, trait
If I’m ever murdered, I don’t want two women with a podcast solving the case in their spare time.

3 weeks ago

case, crime, ever, humor, i, investigation, murder, podcast, solving, spare, spare time, time, want, women
Could you even imagine the crime rate if no one drank coffee or ate bacon.

3 weeks ago

bacon, breakfast, caffeine, coffee, crime, crime rate, even, humor, imagination, imagine, lifestyle, rate

For even more funny crime quotes, hit next 👇

All funny crime quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

14 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Gonna run this by my two best friends who are as insane as I am.

53 shares on Reddit this month:

Changed my bio on bumble to “I’m gonna murder ur whole family” and guys still responded.

74 shares on Reddit this month:

I have everything you could possibly ever need in my purse, except for money.

14 shares on Instagram this month:

I’m a private person except for when I’m publicly trauma dumping on social media.

33 shares on Messenger this month:

When exactly does wisdom kick in? I feel like I’m just getting older.

20 shares on Instagram this month:

“I’m just a girl!” No, you are a monster.

28 shares on YouTube this month:

The PhD student is someone who foregoes their current happiness in order to forego future happiness.

87 shares on YouTube this month:

I should have peed before I left, and other things I’ll never learn: A memoir

98 shares on X this month:

Easiest way to ragebait a finance bro is to start the ‘why can’t we print more money’ conversation.

66 shares on YouTube this month:

Therapists probably have to struggle so hard not to ask to see pictures of the people their clients are obsessing over.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

I feel like smashing my phone would be cathartic.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

This Christmas, get her the gift that’ll last a lifetime. Give her a tortoise.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

My brain doesn’t sea typos until I’ve already hit send.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

App idea: couples upload their arguments. The internet votes on who was right.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

Three wise men? I highly doubt that.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

Weight gain makes me sad. Luckily, eating cheers me right back up.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be turning you into a poem.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

I do not use AI, I use Reddit commenters’ opinions as fact because they are right.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has viewed:

It’s getting very expensive to be alive.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

I always carry a knife with me in case I run into someone with 10,000 spoons.

Shared recently on Threads:

I don’t have a yoga mat, but I have a Twister mat, and it’s the same thing.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I’m just a girl standing in front of a cat who followed me to the bathroom.

Just shared via X:

I started at the bottom, and it’s been downhill ever since.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Babe, you have to believe me. I followed that porn star because I like her political views.

Going bananas on Facebook:

I didn’t lose an hour of sleep. The hour of sleep lost me.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

People remind me everyday why I prefer being on my own.

Just shared via Messenger:

Does anyone else stare at the dead body in movies to see if you can catch them breathing?

Spotted on Instagram:

I’ve jogged with my jogging pants about as often as I’ve rolled through the kitchen with kitchen roll.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

I wish other jobs let us solve issues by releasing diss tracks. Got some sick rhymes about Debbie from accounting and her poorly structured invoicing.

Activity Log ✨

46 Funny crime quotes

More funny crime quotes 👇

All funny crime quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨