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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

I feel like we’re on like the 50th or 60th horseman of the apocalypse by now.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has viewed:

Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

Hello, my voicemail is currently unavailable. To leave a message please speak slowly and clearly into the nearest toaster.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Chickens only make one sound, because they can’t think outside the bawks.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Hey, man, we’re worshiping a false god later. If you wanna pull up.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has bookmarked:

You can’t scare me; you’re not my credit card bill.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Twitter is the only place where well-articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes,” and somebody will say, “So you hate waffles?”

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

Elevators frighten me. I take steps to avoid them.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Aliens, robots, mutant ladybugs — whoever takes over will be better than this.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

God: “I genuinely don’t remember making you all this stupid.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,652

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WeChat:

Who decided that skeletons are scary? Because honestly, I’d be more scared if the muscular system suddenly walked into my room.

Making waves on Reddit:

Dress for the demons you want, not the demons you have.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

You’d seriously think I was wanted for murder by the way I react when someone knocks on the door.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I lied, there’s no sex. I just need you to change the batteries in my smoke detectors.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Best tips for saving money: lay down and don’t move.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I’m not a fan of camping, if I wanted to sleep outside I wouldn’t pay my mortgage.

Shared recently on Slack:

Applying lip balm when you know someone’s watching you is a power move.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I found out my wife was cheating on me at a Red Hot Chili Peppers concert, and I don’t ever wanna feel like I did that day.

Freshly posted on X:

I’m a big believer in not going to work on your birthday!

508 Funny dating quotes

More funny dating quotes 👇

Don’t rush into a relationship. Be friends first. Maybe they have hotter friends. Thank me later.

1 week ago

advice, dating, dating advice, friend, friends, friendship, gratitude, hot, hot friend, hotter, humor, later, me, relationship, rush, thank
Shoutout to all ladies dating silently without making noise on social media. May God give you another man as a bonus.

1 week ago

bonus, dating, God, humor, lady, making, man, media, noise, relationship, silence, social, social media
Perks of being ugly: phone battery lasts longer.

1 week ago

appearance, battery, dating, humor, joke, perks, phone, self-deprecation, ugly
Girls know how to flirt until it’s with someone they actually like.

1 week ago

attraction, dating, flirt, girl, humor, relationship, someone
Tested positive for being single af

1 week ago

af, dating, humor, positive, relationship, single, single af, status, tested, tested positive
Your reply guys are like Pooh Bear. They wear no pants and are relentlessly trying to get in your honeypot.

1 week ago

bear, dating, honeypot, humor, metaphor, pants, playful, pooh, Pooh Bear, reply, trying
Every app is a dating app if you are creepy enough.

1 week ago

app, creepy, dating, humor, interaction, relationship, social, social interaction, technology
Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.

1 week ago

beauty, dating, failure, humor, love, make-up, makeup, relationship, waste
Every girl keeps an extra boyfriend and calls him ‘best friend’.

1 week ago

best, best friend, boyfriend, dating, friend, friendship, girl, humor, relationship, secret
Don’t hate me, date me!

1 week ago

advice, date, dating, dating advice, flirting, hate, humor, love, me, playful, relationship

For even more funny dating quotes, hit next 👇

All funny dating quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

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Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on YouTube this month:

Me, adding fuel to the fire: I’m just here to help.

35 shares on Pinterest this month:

Due to personal reasons, I’ll be using humor to hide pain.

19 shares on Threads this month:

“You’re like cherry lip gloss. I just can’t get enough.”

85 shares on Facebook this month:

For this Halloween I’ve trained my eyebrows to leap off my face and destroy those who’ve angered me.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I assume fish have beautiful names for eachother, unpronounceable by human tongues.

97 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s okay to run away from the cops if you’re shy.

21 shares on Threads this month:

Dear Black Friday… We all have big TVs now, put the groceries on sale.

42 shares on Telegram this month:

Well, it took several decades, but I might have finally run out of things to say.

34 shares on X this month:

“I’m going to get more sleep tonight” is always the first lie I tell myself in the morning.

32 shares on Discord this month:

How can people lift weights? My arms get tired just by putting my hair up in a ponytail.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

Turning regret into ulcers since the day I was born.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

If I ever had to fight a bear, I hope it’s a gummy bear.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Sometimes, before bedtime, I fall asleep on the couch. It’s my little sleep appetizer… my nappetizer.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has copied:

No, babe, I love your prefrontal cortex. The fully developed ones scare me.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Might put on a bikini and run through your DMs.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

A fabric tomato filled with needles. Don’t see that much anymore.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has downloaded:

In a parallel universe, Mariah Carey is doing her shopping and is sick of hearing me on every store’s speaker system.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

Does the HDMI cord have the most dominant run of any cord ever?

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

Get in loser, we’re going overthinking.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

The way turkeys feel about November is probably how treadmills feel about January.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

What I’ve learned in all these years of marriage is how to open a bottle of beer silently.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Carefully choosing which wine to pair with a McRib.

Trending via Reddit:

They should make a separate airport for people who know how to act like they’ve been out in public before.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

The difference between us is that people can peck you and I’m impeccable.

Going bananas on YouTube:

The subtle art of letting yourself go crazy once in a while.

Trending via Telegram:

That depressing moment when you start your car to go to work and it doesn’t explode.

Spotted on Twitch:

I thought I wanted a career. Turns out all I wanted is paychecks.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I like my men like I like my coffee, secretly alcoholic.

Making waves on Facebook:

Bursting into a million bats the second I see you.

Seen just now on X:

So grateful for pillows. My head works hard, it deserves its own bed.

Activity Log ✨

508 Funny dating quotes

More funny dating quotes 👇

All funny dating quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨