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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Don’t donate your plasma. It’s a big scam, and they’re just using it to make TVs.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

Tons of names in my phones are “Kenny Landlord,” “Mike Electric,” or “Pete Do Not Answer,” and I just realized this is how Anglo surnames have always worked.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Everyone’s a gangster until it’s time to pronounce Worcestershire Sauce.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has copied:

Daffodil totally sounds like an insult, you blooming daffodil.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

Not to brag but I always pick the slowest moving checkout line at the grocery store.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

Got a scam email full of mistakes like they’re not even trying. It won’t be long before AI takes their jobs.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

My life is simple, I see a queue of more than 6 people, I go home.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Sometime you meet such a prince that you’d rather marry the horse.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

Just bought a new umbrella for the person that finds it tomorrow.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Not all people have bad neighbors. The ones next door have a great one.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,786

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WeChat:

Life is just resetting your password until you die.

Making waves on TikTok:

I get unreasonably happy when a YouTube video has subtitles that aren’t auto-generated.

Just shared via TikTok:

The most important thing I learned in life, and I can’t stress enough, it doesn’t matter where you went to college. The only thing that matters is that you’re really hot.

Making waves on WeChat:

Prison pen pal doesn’t want us to write each other anymore. Finds my life too depressing.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Maybe the real American dream is the debt we collected along the way.

Breaking via Twitch:

If I say, “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared peer-reviewed research, data, and charts, and I will destroy you.

Just shared via Slack:

He had the nerve to call me pretty. I’m gorgeous.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

If a stranger starts talking to me in an elevator I say “I don’t want to talk in case we get stuck and I have to eat you” that usually shuts them up.

Going viral on Discord:

Sometimes all you need is a Saturday to sleep, eat, and do absolutely nothing else all day.

Trending via Reddit:

The term “bisexual” is so confusing. Are you sexual twice a week or once every other week?

Home » Funny Dating Quotes » Page 35

491 Funny dating quotes

More funny dating quotes 👇

Girls these days are like a box of chocolates. Some have nuts.

0

2 months ago

box, chocolate, comparison, dating, days, girl, girls, humor, nut, nuts, relationship
Having to choose between an old guy or a convicted felon is a perfect depiction of what dating apps are Iike.

0

2 months ago

apps, choice, convicted, convicted felon, dating, dating life, felon, guy, having, humor, life, old, old guy, perfect, relationships
I just came across my wife’s Tinder profile and I’m so angry about her lies. She is not “fun to be around”.

0

2 months ago

across, angry, around, came, dating, fun, humor, i, just, ly, profile, relationship, Tinder, wife
I met my wife at a singles night. I was surprised as I thought she was at home with the kids.

0

2 months ago

activity, dating, fun, fun activity, home, i, kids, marriage, night, relationship, singles, singles night, surprise, thought, wife
Nice thing about dating a doctor is if you wanna stop seeing them, you can just eat an apple.

0

2 months ago

apple, date, dating, doctor, eat, health, humor, joke, just, nice, pun, relationship, seeing, stop, thing
The list of women who haven’t slept with me is really impressive.

0

2 months ago

confidence, dating, humor, impressive, list, me, relationships, sleep, women
Applying for jobs feels like auditioning to be enthusiastic about a blind date you haven’t even met yet.

0

2 months ago

application, audition, blind, blind date, date, dating, employment, enthusiasm, even, expectations, humor, job, jobs, pressure
Damn boy, are you a horoscope? Because I’m selectively focusing on the parts of you that make sense for me.

0

2 months ago

attraction, boy, compliment, dating, focus, horoscope, humor, me, parts, relationship, sense
The most important thing I learned in life, and I can’t stress enough, it doesn’t matter where you went to college. The only thing that matters is that you’re really hot.

0

2 months ago

appearance, college, dating, hot, humor, i, importance, important, lesson, life, life lesson, matter, matters, priorities, self-esteem, stress, thing, where
A dating app for people who are way too into cookies, called Crumble.

0

2 months ago

app, cooky, Crumble, dating, dating app, dessert, dessert dating, food, food love, funny idea, humor, idea, love, people, too

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🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

70 shares on Threads this month:

Don’t forget to set your clocks back to seasonal depression this weekend.

72 shares on Twitch this month:

I came up with my passwords when I was 12, and never looked back.

74 shares on Instagram this month:

People say opposites attract, but I say find a partner who’s deranged in the same ways you are and double your capacity to be annoying.

75 shares on Telegram this month:

Pleasing everyone, that’s impossible. Making everyone angry, piece of cake!

16 shares on YouTube this month:

If you’re a man and don’t feel well or are going through something tough, just remember no one cares.

99 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Make your salad taste better by putting it between bread, meat, cheese, and Big Mac sauce.

76 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Imagine playing Truth or Dare and they dare you to go home.

86 shares on Facebook this month:

I can’t believe that it’s our turn to give money to our nephews and nieces.

15 shares on YouTube this month:

I either text back right away or never, because I saw your text, replied in my head but forgot to actually type it.

95 shares on Instagram this month:

Okay, that’s enough todaying for today.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇨 has shared:

This too shall pass. It might pass like a kidney stone. But it will pass.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has downloaded:

Sure, my internet service is overpriced and spotty but you can’t put a price on unintentionally being dropped from every Zoom meeting.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has downloaded:

Aliens probably have group chats called Don’t Stop on Earth.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

You’re always bitching about your alarm clock, but put yourself in his shoes. The first thing he sees in the morning is your face.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

In honor of the fall equinox, I will also be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

What would boomers do without their paper shredder?

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

The time I spend, just thinking about food, is kind of embarrassing.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

“Never let someone else destroy your stuff when you can destroy it yourself”, every kid I ever.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has shared:

If I would’ve known that you were going to ask me what I was thinking, I wouldn’t have been thinking what I was thinking.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Trying to spend less time on my phone so I can get back to something I’ve loved since childhood: watching TV.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

There’s an app for the people who say they’re not seeking some form of validation here. It’s called a diary.

Making waves on Slack:

Nobody ever talks about how Sodom and Gomorrah were walkable cities.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

They should invent a type of situation that improves.

Making waves on Discord:

I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.

Shared recently on Instagram:

His palm trees are Serengeti, destination wedding, luggage is heavy. There’s vomit on his tux already, Dollar store confetti.

Just landed via Pinterest:

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

Broadcasted on Telegram:

I pray this boy wins in life. I wanna see him on top of me.

Just shared via Threads:

We are all monsters searching for someone to share our lives with.

Spotted on Twitch:

Applying for jobs feels like auditioning to be enthusiastic about a blind date you haven’t even met yet.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

I started at the bottom and worked my way down.

Activity Log ✨

491 Funny dating quotes

More funny dating quotes 👇

All funny dating quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨