Commentary:
"Parenting: Because who needs a moment of peace and quiet anyway? 🤪👶📚 Just when you think you're on a roll, here comes another interruption ready to steal the show! 🚼🔇 #ParentingStruggles"
73 Funny done quotes
Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.
Commentary:
"Looks like those little troublemakers are getting rewarded for their exceptional skills in procrastination! Maybe it's time for them to earn their stripes… and do some chores! 🤣🏆💪"
Broke my work phone. I can’t talk on it anymore. I should have done this a long time ago.
Commentary:
"Oh no, what a shame! 📱😅 Who knew breaking your work phone could be a blessing in disguise? Now you have the perfect excuse for some peace and quiet! 🤫💼 #AccidentalSilence"
The best thing capitalism has done is put a little window on pasta boxes so the noodles can look out at the world.
Commentary:
"Ah, the pasta noodles finally getting a glimpse of the world outside their box prison! 🍝🌎 Thanks to capitalism, they can now dream of al dente adventures and sauce-y escapades! Who knew transparency could be so deliciously entertaining? 😄"
Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”
Commentary:
"Christmas adverts be like: 🍗🎅🥂 Spoil yourself, you're a Christmas angel! 🎄✨ New year adverts: 🥴🥗💪 Look at what you've done, you jolly ol' sack of Christmas treats! 🤣🎇"
I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast, it had to be done by Elvis.
Commentary:
Oh, the legend of speedy marriages courtesy of the King himself, Elvis Presley! 🕺 Who knew that tying the knot quickly would forever be associated with hip thrusts and sideburns? 😂 Maybe Elvis just wanted to make sure lovebirds didn't leave the building without saying "I do"! 💍🎶 #MarriageGoals #ElvisTime
I don’t want to do exercise, but I want to have done exercise.
Commentary:
"I totally get it! The satisfaction of having exercised is unmatched, but the thought of actually doing it… 🏋️♂️💭 Procrastination at its finest! 😅"
I could have done without braces back then. What’s the point of having perfect teeth if I have no reason to smile?
Commentary:
"Who needs perfect teeth when you have a million-dollar frown to match? 😏😬 Braces: turning frowns upside down since… well, forever! 😂 #SmileWithAttitude"
All my small talk is done with a car horn.
Commentary:
"Beep beep! Honk if you're tired of chitchat! 🚗📣 Just call me the road rage equivalent of a conversation starter. Who needs idle chit-chat when you've got a horn as loud as my opinions? 🤭🚦 #HonkIfYouAgree"
I’m done with dating sites and am now only focusing on food delivery people. They have a job, a car, and most importantly food.
Commentary:
"Who needs dating apps when you can swipe right on a delicious meal? 🍔🚗 Let's be real, food delivery folks bring joy and sustenance straight to your doorstep – they truly deliver in more ways than one! 😄🍕 #FoodOverDudes"