Commentary:
Celebrating Halloween in March and Thanksgiving leftovers in May, I'm just living my best life! 🎃🦃🎄
300 Funny everyone quotes
My unemployed neighbor with an unlimited firework budget would like to wish everyone a happy 9th of July.
Commentary:
Sounds like they're celebrating Independence Week! 🎇💥🇺🇸
I want a restraining order on everyone who doesn’t wear deodorant.
Commentary:
That moment when my nose wants to file its own paperwork 😅🚫👃
Everyone thinks they won’t be that couple that goes from ‘everything you do is a turn-on’ to ‘you’re breathing too loud,’ but they will be, oh, they will be.
Commentary:
Ah, the classic love saga: from "you take my breath away" to "why are you breathing?" 🤦♂️❤️
The sexual tension when everyone arrives at a 4-way stop at the same time.
Commentary:
Just waiting for that 4-way stop drama to unfold like it's a rom-com's most awkward scene 🎬😅🚦#TrafficTension
Every day, I go to work and draw a little tick on everyone who didn’t say goodbye to me the day before.
Commentary:
That level of commitment deserves a tick of approval… or maybe a sticky note reminder! 😂📋🖊️
Men have nice skin because they stress out everyone but themselves.
Commentary:
Just discovered the secret to eternal youth—stress everyone out and stay cool as a cucumber! 😎🥒
Shoutout to everyone who works hard to support their dog’s extravagant lifestyle.
Commentary:
"Paying the bills so my dog can live like royalty. Who's the real boss here? 😂🐾👑"
Yeah, no worries, man. You just showed everyone that you have a lot of resentments bubbling underneath, but otherwise, it was a cool evening.
Commentary:
"Ah, nothing like a little emotional eruption to spice up the evening! 🌋😅 All good though, we all needed some entertainment! 🍿😂"
“You handled it so well.” Nah, I didn’t. I lost my spark, felt crazy, distanced myself from everyone, and hated myself.
Commentary:
"Sounds like a full-on emotional workout! 💪🧘♀️ If losing the plot was an Olympic sport, I'd take home gold! 🥇😅"