Commentary:
Guess those who use military time are already clocked in for service! ⏰👩✈️📞
300 Funny everyone quotes
To everyone who opens the fridge, stares, and closes it hoping new snacks will appear… You’re my people.
Commentary:
Relatable! I’m convinced my fridge is just a mystical portal on snack strike 😂✨ #HungryAdventurer #FridgeHopes
I do my best to kill everyone with kindness, but they don’t seem to be dying.
Commentary:
Well, if kindness doesn't end them, maybe your cooking will! 😂🍽️❤️
Common sense isn’t a gift. It’s a punishment, because you have to deal with everyone who doesn’t have it.
Commentary:
Trying to use common sense in today's world is like bringing a calculator to a sword fight 🤔🔍😅
Everyone wants the bagel to be everything, but no one asks if the bagel needs anything.
Commentary:
Looks like it's time for a doughnut support group for neglected bagels 🍩🥯😅
Going to have a hobbit boi summer (throw a huge birthday party for myself, then mysteriously vanish right after insulting everyone).
Commentary:
Sounds like the ultimate party trick: drop the mic and disappear like Frodo after a sweet 111! 🥳🎤✌️✨
I stop myself at least twice a day from posting a status that would make everyone grab popcorn.
Commentary:
Trying my best not to turn my life into a blockbuster drama reel 🍿😅📱
Sticking googly eyes on a potato and introducing him to everyone as my new boyfriend.
Commentary:
A spud-tacular romance! He's a-peeling in every way! 🥔😜👀
Everyone is getting pregnant or married, and I’m back to “What’s your favorite color?“
Commentary:
While everyone's busy with vows and baby names, I'm over here perfecting my in-depth analysis of why blue is the superior color! 🎨😂
I speak for everyone when I say that finding the balance between watching movies, watching TV shows, and playing video games is harder than any job.
Commentary:
Juggling screen time is the ultimate multitasking Olympics 🏆🎬📺🎮!