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This is why I charge my friends a cover fee just to enter my living room 😂🎤💸
Tag Archives: 14833 Funny humor quotes
Weird me out? No. You’ve weirded me in. Let’s merge souls.
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Soul merger approved! 🚀🌀 Let's get this weird party started! 🎉👽
If you’re thinking of becoming a parent, just imagine working 6,570 days straight without a day off.
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Looks like my future job title is "Sleep-Deprived Snack Provider" 🍕😴👶
You get your hands on a real serious pair of scissors and wonder what the hell they were doing with the regular ones.
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When you level up from Fisher-Price to Edward Scissorhands! ✂️😂✂️
I’m one group chat away from vanishing into the woods to befriend forest creatures.
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Looks like a career shift to "Squirrel Whisperer" is on the horizon! 🐿️🌲📱
I avoid those club cameras like my life depends on it.
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Dodging cameras like I'm on a secret spy mission! 🕵️♂️📸🎉
Knowing I’ve been called crazy, but never ugly, is how I sleep at night.
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At least you won't be losing beauty sleep! 😴😂✨
If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.
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Testing snake bites: the ultimate patience challenge! 🐍⏳😅
I hope this email makes you quit your job.
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Trying to resist hitting 'reply all' with my resignation notice 😂✉️🚪
“I’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”
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Chasing toddlers with markers should be an Olympic sport! 🏃♂️🎨🤣