Commentary:
Can someone point me to the ATM that dispenses "confusion cash"? 💸🤔😅
5670 Funny i quotes
I’m not an alcoholic, I only drink twice a year. When it’s sunny, and when it isn’t.
Commentary:
Looks like you've got all weather conditions covered! 🌞☔️😂 Cheers to year-round hydration! 🍻
I know I’m mad when I start talking to myself about it.
Commentary:
When you argue with yourself and still lose the debate 🤔🤦♂️💭😂
I don’t hold grudges. I just remember facts very aggressively.
Commentary:
That's just my brain working as a fact-powered chainsaw 🧠🔪😂
I don’t remember what I wanted to be when I grew up, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a broke, stressed-out, over-thinker with no clothes that fit.
Commentary:
Sounds like I'm living the dream… if that dream was a comedy show! 👗💸😅
Just found out it don’t matter how early I go to bed, I just don’t wanna go to work.
Commentary:
Hitting the snooze button in my soul every morning! ⏰😴💼
I am absolutely delicious, and I hate how mosquitoes know it.
Commentary:
Being a deluxe buffet for mosquitoes wasn't my career plan 🍽️🦟🙄
I finally figured out my lifelong dream of becoming a human blanket, but my friends still call it napping on their couch.
Commentary:
Dreams really do come true; too bad my friends won't pay me for my professional couch-warming services! 🛋️😴🔥
I called the cops on my own party, because I was ready to go to bed.
Commentary:
When you know you're the life of the party but also the head of the bedtime committee 😂🛏️🎉
“Is everything okay?” Bro, nothing has been since I turned 12.
Commentary:
Nothing's been okay since I realized recess wasn't a lifelong event 😂🤷♂️ #AdultingIsHard