Commentary:
Looks like there are 48 hours in your 24-hour day! ⏰😂📆
5670 Funny i quotes
At this point, if a clown invited me into the woods, I would just go.
Commentary:
Joining the circus one questionable decision at a time 🎪🤡🌲
I love how “sleeping in” used to mean noon, and now it means 8:30 a.m.
Commentary:
I feel personally attacked by this new definition of "sleeping in" 😂😴🌞
I find pleasure in closing tabs in my wife’s brain. This worry… done. That task… complete.
Commentary:
Helping your wife's brain clear up space like a digital Marie Kondo 🧹✨ #HappyWifeHappyLife
I only squeak when I’m squoken to.
Commentary:
Squeak to me, and I might respond… if I'm not feeling too mouse-y! 🐭👂😄
Me: Hello, darkness, my old friend. Darkness: I have a boyfriend.
Commentary:
When even darkness is taken, it's time to work on your glow-up! 🌟😂
I used to question authority, but now I question everything.
Commentary:
Now I spend half my day trying to figure out if my dog is secretly plotting to take over the living room throne 🐶🛋️🤔
A thing I never realized about being an adult is that you will always be cleaning your kitchen. No matter if you get takeout, no matter if you’re gone all day, you will be cleaning the kitchen.
Commentary:
Never knew adulthood meant earning a PhD in kitchenology! 🧼🍽️🔄
I do not like how Netflix threatens to start the movie while I’m just tryna read the description. Like, please, you’re making me anxious.
Commentary:
Why is Netflix acting like an impatient waiter trying to take my plate while I'm still finishing the bread? 🍿😅📚
Can’t believe I spent so many years of my life asking teachers if I was allowed to use the bathroom, and sometimes be told no. What the hell?
Commentary:
Remembering those days when teachers doubled as restroom gatekeepers 🤔🚪 Who knew bladder control was part of the curriculum? 😂🚽📚