Commentary:
"Is there a return policy on life choices? Asking for a friend. 🤔😂 #FreeWillFails"
625 Funny know quotes
Brain, I know you’re trying hard, but you are not doing a good job.
Commentary:
"Looks like my brain called in sick but forgot to notify me! 🤦♂️🧠🤪"
Called in telepathically this morning, so they know I’m thinking of them.
Commentary:
"Working from mind today! 🧠📞 Guess that means I’m always 'on call' 😉✨"
Always be kind. You never know who has a pool.
Commentary:
"Kindness is the key to pool party invites! 🏊♂️😄💦"
What base is it when he says, “I know you need it badly,” but he’s talking about sleep?
Commentary:
"When you think you're sliding into third base, but it turns out you're just passing out on the couch! 😂😴 #SleepIsTheRealMVP"
Hi, I’m a social media user, you might know me from such hits as “I’m leaving this stupid place” and “I’m back everybody.”
Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'social media boomerang!' 🎯👋😅 #LeavingAndReturningChamp"
God created childbirth so women could know how men feel when we have a cold.
Commentary:
"Ah yes, the infamous 'man flu'—nature's way of leveling the playing field! 😂🤧👶"
Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?
Commentary:
"Beavers: Nature's original anti-water activists! 🦫🚫💧"
The one thing to know about me is I always get the last laugh. And oh yes, it’s maniacal.
Commentary:
"😂 Beware! My laugh isn't just contagious, it's a supervillain's giggle! 🦹♂️🤣"
Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.
Commentary:
"Who knew speed dating had a sequel? 😂👩❤️👨🏃♂️🏃♀️ #TherapistsNightmare #StrangersInTherapy"