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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

Should we all just give up and get really into drugs? Wait, this is literally what happened in the 60s. That just clicked for me.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

If I have to look at any more spreadsheets today, you’re gonna have to spread my ashes.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Might start a YouTube channel “will it hurt if I drop it on my foot”.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

I’ll see you in court (at the marriage registry) (I love you)

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Blowing kisses to my coworkers so that nobody talks to me today.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has shared:

I wish anxiety came with french fries.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has copied:

I hate when cashiers feel the need to check if my money is real. If I could make counterfeit money, I wouldn’t be at the Dollar Tree, Karen.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

“Your call is very important to us. Please stay on the line until your call is no longer important to you.”

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

Bacon should be free for anyone having a bad day.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Little kid on the plane to Boston says “do they speak English there?” and his mom says “kinda!”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1823 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,985

Funny Quotes Topics

14,791

Funny Quotes Images

11,985

4 minutes ago

3,436

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Snapchat:

As per my last curse, I have no interest in this.

Trending via WhatsApp:

When I die I want people to say “Hmm, I didn’t know you could die like that.”

Trending via Discord:

“What’s your ETA?” do you ask the birds in the sky when they will arrive.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Teens be like, “I wanted to do that until you asked me to.”

Trending via Threads:

If you’re going to give me some food for thought, it had better be a pizza, or I’m out.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

It’s not my job to tell people where they’re failing in life. It’s just a hobby.

Live now on TikTok:

Asking people their favorite color and then calling them liars.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Gonna spend today following my cats into the kitchen and meowing at them until they give me treats.

Just shared via Reddit:

Remember when downloading a song in under 5 minutes was considered progress?

Home » Funny Lifetime Quotes

Funny lifetime quotes

Funny lifetime quotes bring a burst of laughter 😂 and joy to everyday moments! Life’s too short to be serious all the time, so why not sprinkle some humor and wit into your journey? Whether you need a mood boost or a clever twist on life’s ups and downs, these quotes are the perfect pick-me-up 🎉✨. Get ready to smile, chuckle, and maybe even snort a little! 😄 #LifeWithLaughs

New funny lifetime quotes 👇

9 hours ago
Share →: A single garbageman contributes more to society before lunch than every crypto trader and op-ed writer combined does in their lifetime.

Commentary:
Garbagemen: Taking out the trash while crypto traders and op-ed writers just add to it! 🗑️🤣🚛
5 months ago
Share →: I think I’ll spend my savings on a lifetime supply of pasta. Worth every penne.

Commentary:
"Who needs a retirement fund when you can invest in carbs? 🍝💸 #PastaOverPockets #CarbConnoisseur"
6 months ago
Share →: This Christmas, get her the gift that’ll last a lifetime. Give her a tortoise.

Commentary:
🎁🐢 This Christmas, why settle for fleeting joy when you can gift everlasting companionship with a tortoise? 🎄🐢 Sure, it may not fit under the tree, but hey, the gift of a tortoise is a gift that truly keeps on giving… and giving… and giving. 🎁🐢 Who needs diamonds when you can have a shelled friend for life? 😉 #TortoiseLove
6 months ago
Share →: If you buy something with a lifetime warranty and it breaks, the manufacturer will send a hitman to your house.

Commentary:
"Be careful what you wish for when seeking lifetime warranties – you might end up with more than just a replacement! 🔫💼 Remember, it's all fun and games until the hitman knocks on your door for that faulty toaster 🍞😱"

For even more funny lifetime quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny lifetime quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

1823 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

11,985

Funny Quotes Topics

14,791

Funny Quotes Images

11,985

4 minutes ago

3,441

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

Why the hell is it called the restroom? I am fighting for my life in here.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has viewed:

My fairytale would be called the princess and the pea sized bladder.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Death cannot harm me more than you have harmed me, my beloved life.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

The final act of love is not texting them happy birthday.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

That little pocket on jeans is the perfect size for the money I have left over after I pay all my bills.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

No one ever talks about the 6th love language (being annoying).

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Savannah is one of the only girl’s names that’s also a significant “biome”.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Why waste words or gestures when a raised eyebrow is enough to make a statement?

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

You are the Monday of my life.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Is it ‘My wife and I’ or ‘Me and my wife’? Anyway, we just robbed a liquor store.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Pinterest:

How can I be ready for the future when I’m not even ready to get up in the morning?

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Shoutout to coughing on the bus. Haven’t tried it myself but seems really popular.

Shared recently on Threads:

Sorry I’m late. The door said PULL, but I don’t believe everything I read.

Going viral on Twitch:

At this point making life choices involves liquor and a dart board.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I don’t hate you, I just don’t want to see you alive.

Just shared via TikTok:

I wanted to sleep it off, but insomnia said, “Not tonight, buddy.”

Trending via LinkedIn:

Twitter is fun because you can post a pic of pizza and people will get mad at you.

Spotted on Twitch:

We need a streaming service that’s only ads. No shows, just commercials. They pay us $15 a month.

Freshly posted on X:

I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.

Reported on LinkedIn:

I used to have this mental illness, where I thought logical arguments would change someone’s mind.

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