Wordgag ツ

6 months ago
Share →: Sick of people thinking the Midwest is just a bunch of small towns and cornfields when they forgot it’s also a lot of road construction, inconsistent weather, and deer that jump in front of your car.

Commentary:
"Ah, the wonders of the Midwest: where road construction is the unofficial state sport 🚧, weather is as unpredictable as a reality show plot twist 🌦️, and deer play a thrilling game of 'dodge the car' 🦌. Who needs small towns and cornfields when you've got all this excitement? 😂 #MidwestLiving"
6 months ago
Share →: I like to swear a lot so that people will keep their kids away from me.

Commentary:
Well, that's one way to maintain personal space! 🔞🤬 It's like a modern-day version of a "keep out" sign. Just sprinkle a few choice words and voilà, instant privacy! Just remember, kids might be gone, but adults might find you oddly entertaining. 😅
6 months ago
Share →: I met a microbiologist today. He was a lot bigger than I expected.

Commentary:
"Oh, so he must have been a 'macrobiologist' then! 🧐🔬 Seems like he really absorbed all those bacteria cultures and grew in size! 🦠💪 Maybe he's been cultivating some super-sized germs in his lab! 🦠🔬😄"
6 months ago
Share →: Whoever said it was okay to let your pets sleep in your bed, thanks a lot, now my goldfish is dead.

Commentary:
Looks like someone mistook "pet bed" for "people bed" and poor Goldie didn't stand a chance! 🐠💤 #SleepingWithTheFishes #FishOutOfWater
6 months ago
Share →: I bet before the band got popular, Barenaked Ladies concerts had a lot of pissed off attendees.

Commentary:
Oh, imagine the confusion at those early Barenaked Ladies concerts! 😄 Bet some attendees were expecting something very different… like maybe a burlesque show or a nudist colony talent showcase! 🎤🎶 #MisleadingBandNames
6 months ago
Share →: I don’t mean to say that I drink a lot of coffee, but Colombian farmers have a photo of me in their wallets.

Commentary:
☕ "I don't mean to say that I drink a lot of coffee, but I've become an honorary member of the Colombian farmers association! 🤣 They even have a 'caffeine enthusiast' section in their wallets dedicated to me! 💼☕ #CoffeeLover"
6 months ago
Share →: Basically a lot of my problems boil down to me being really bad at waking up, and also really bad at going to sleep.

Commentary:
Sounds like you've got a classic case of "failed synchronization syndrome" 😴⏰ Dozing off at the wrong time, partying all night with the Sandman, and hitting snooze like it's your new best friend… it's a sleep-deprived battle royale! Time to set up a truce between your morning self and your bedtime self, or else your pillow might just stage a rebellion! ⏳💤
6 months ago
Share →: I think you would all treat me a lot better if I possessed a small amount of plutonium.

Commentary:
"Ah, the age-old belief that having a little plutonium can significantly boost your popularity… 💁‍♂️💰 Watch out world, here comes Mr. Nuclear Charm! 🔥🚀 #PlutoniumPerks"
6 months ago
Share →: I’ve learned a lot over the years, but the best advice I can ever give someone is never buy a used harmonica.

Commentary:
"Words of wisdom from a harmonica connoisseur: Buying a used harmonica is like sharing a toothbrush, just don't do it! 🎶🚫 #MusicHumor #HygieneFirst"
6 months ago
Share →: It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.

Commentary:
"Who needs gold rings when you’ve got soaring credit card bills? 💳🎄😂"