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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

I can feel your energy from two planets away.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has downloaded:

You know you don’t have to give your bathroom a beach theme, there’s no law.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

I wish I could have a kid just to see what it looks like… and then put it back.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

Sometimes, I feel like my brain is still running on Windows 95.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Why is Subway asking me for a tip? Bro, we made this sandwich together.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Stop rushing in the morning. You’re starting your day in panic mode.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

I was not prepared for my knees to sound like someone is breaking spaghetti noodles in half every time I go up the stairs.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

I’m not good at quickly making up derogatory names on the fly, unless I’m driving.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Knowing I’ve been called crazy, but never ugly, is how I sleep at night.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Of course the laundry has to be done, but the wine doesn’t drink itself either.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

676 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,670

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Pinterest:

I let my cat smell every wine I drink so she can get a job as a sommelier and help pay my rent.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Be nice today, the world is on fire.

Live now on Facebook:

What is your favorite movie where Tom Cruise runs really fast?

Going viral on Instagram:

I can turn wine into water about two hours after drinking it. Checkmate Jesus.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

This pillow isn’t going to scream into itself.

Just shared via WeChat:

Changed my bio on bumble to “I’m gonna murder ur whole family” and guys still responded.

Shared recently on YouTube:

At the end of the day, the day is going to end.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

One year closer to whatever age my obituary will say.

Making waves on Reddit:

If I were karma, I’d watch my back.

Going viral on Facebook:

A drone, but for seeing which fast food drive-thrus have the shortest line.

114 Funny lot quotes

More funny lot quotes 👇

If liars’ pants really did catch on fire, watching the news would be a lot more fun.

0

2 months ago

catch, fire, fun, humor, joke, liar, lot, news, pants, truth, watching
Two of the best things in life are laughing and orgasms. I want to make you do both a lot.

0

2 months ago

best, both, fun, happiness, humor, i, intimacy, joy, laughing, life, lot, orgasm, pleasure, relationship, things, want
A guy in the parking lot saw me trip over my own feet so I yelled to him “I just quantum leaped into this body!”

0

2 months ago

body, clumsiness, feet, funny moment, guy, humor, i, just, leap, lot, me, moment, over, own, parking, parking lot, quantum, quantum leap, saw, self-deprecation, trip, unexpected, wit
You misunderstood me. I said I was a “bawler,” not a “baller.” You know, someone who cries a lot.

0

2 months ago

baller, bawler, crying, emotions, humor, i, know, lot, me, misunderstanding, someone, wordplay
I feel like an adult spelling bee would humble a lot of us.

0

2 months ago

adult, bee, challenge, competition, feel, humble, humor, i, literacy, lot, spelling, spelling bee, us
Turns out I like you a lot more than I originally planned.

0

2 months ago

feelings, humor, i, lot, plan, planned, relationship, surprise
It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

0

2 months ago

activity, balls, confidence, golf, humor, i, lot, sport
You can tell a lot about a person by breaking into their home and going through their belongings.

0

2 months ago

belongings, breaking, breaking in, going, home, humor, invasion, lot, observation, person, tell
If Twitter has taught me anything, a lot of us aren’t ready for a spelling bee.

0

2 months ago

anything, bee, education, humor, irony, language, learning, lot, me, media, ready, social, social media, spelling, taught, Twitter, us
What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is that don’t do that.

0

2 months ago

activity, advice, climbing, fun, fun activity, humor, lot, misunderstanding, mountain, mountain climbing, people, understand

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Social Media Stars ⭐

22 shares on Threads this month:

I realized Americans were dramatics the day I found out 200 lb is just 90 kg.

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If my son ever came out as gay, I’d be so furious. Furious that he never gave me fashion advice.

13 shares on Slack this month:

If you wish me a happy Thanksgiving, don’t be surprised if I whip out a ziplock bag and ask you to bring me home some leftovers.

12 shares on Discord this month:

Skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. That’s the toddler injury.

50 shares on X this month:

Thinking about stepping down from being an adult, I’m just not in the right headspace for this position right now. I really appreciate the opportunity though.

47 shares on Instagram this month:

A spiral is just a circle that’s afraid of closure.

29 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Cursing after hitting oneself can reduce the pain by up to 50%.

40 shares on Pinterest this month:

Whatever y’all heard about me, I’m way worse.

41 shares on X this month:

My boyfriend just said “I encourage you to try all things” to our cat who was licking up Buffalo sauce.

59 shares on Facebook this month:

I’ve decided that my 20s are actually from 25 – 35.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

I don’t see why walking is healthy. Zombies walk constantly and they look awful.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Terrible economy to ask a girl what’s wrong.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has viewed:

We can’t all be underemployed creatives. Someone in the group chat needs to know what an insurance is.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

Whenever I go down the stairs next to an escalator, I always move faster than the escalator to prove to the people I made the better decision.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

It’s not too early to go to sleep. Too early only applies to waking up.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

I love when my grandma texts me — because I know it took her an hour.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Your childhood wasn’t complete unless you were chased by a dog… or a goat… or even worse, a chicken.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

Professor: Most of you won’t pass this course. Me: Cool, so you’re like, real shitty at your job.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Aging gracefully is like getting steamrolled gracefully, you should really be screaming.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has bookmarked:

Accidentally falling asleep on the couch is somehow always the best sleep.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Telegram:

Crazy part about being an overthinker is most times you right.

Spotted on Messenger:

I love that cats slap the shit out of everything they can’t understand.

Live now on Telegram:

I need an emergency cheeseburger.

Just shared via Slack:

I don’t know when people started calling hot dogs ‘glizzys,’ but I hate it, and you all need to stop immediately.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

It’s been my experience that people seem a lot nicer before we get married.

Just landed via Slack:

The gap in my resume is because I was trying to reach enlightenment for 5 years.

Just shared via X:

Clicking on a suspicious link at work just to feel something.

Going viral on Reddit:

My Mom asks why everything is on the floor, like she never heard of gravity.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I bet the person who named the fireplace also named the waterfall.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I’m glad nobody can see the face I make when I’ve just started the washing machine and then spot a sock on the floor.

Activity Log ✨

114 Funny lot quotes

More funny lot quotes 👇

All funny lot quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨