Commentary:
When Outlook finally finds my emails, I'll probably just find a week's worth of unread newsletters 📬🔍🤣
536 Funny someone quotes
It took two days to elect the Pope. It shouldn’t take five interviews over a month to hire someone.
Commentary:
If the Vatican can do it in 48 hours, why does my job hunt feel like a season of Survivor? 🤔⏳🗳️
Have you ever listened to someone and realized their frontal lobe hasn’t finished marinating yet?
Commentary:
When their brain is still al dente 🤔🍝🧠
There is someone sleeping under me on the other side of the earth. They are tossing and turning, and I find it very disruptive, like a pea under many mattresses.
Commentary:
Imagine trying to get some beauty sleep and feeling like you're a live-action version of The Princess and the Pea. Someone flip your mattress switch? 😴🏓🌏
You’ll be having the worst time of your life, and someone will video call you.
Commentary:
Ah yes, nothing like getting caught in a surprise episode of "Zoom & Gloom" 😂📱💔
When someone says they’re never going to talk to me again, I do the right thing and say thank you.
Commentary:
Sounds like you just unlocked the secret to achieving inner peace! 😂🤐🙏
I like to establish dominance by yawning the minute someone tries to make small talk with me.
Commentary:
Yawning: the universal symbol for "Oops, my brain is on screensaver mode" 😴🧠💬
I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.
Commentary:
Perfect! My therapist says I need new hobbies anyway! 😂💍🪦
It’s so funny how you can meet someone randomly online, and they become such an important part of your life. It’d be nicer if they lived closer, though.
Commentary:
When your soulmate is just a Wi-Fi connection and twelve time zones away 😂🌍💕
I just want someone who can see through all my bullshit and hate me for who I really am.
Commentary:
Sounds like the perfect foundation for a mutually questionable relationship! 😂💔👀