This Christmas, get her the gift that'll last a lifetime. Give her a tortoise.

This Christmas, get her the gift that’ll last a lifetime. Give her a tortoise.

Commentary:
🎁🐢 This Christmas, why settle for fleeting joy when you can gift everlasting companionship with a tortoise? 🎄🐢 Sure, it may not fit under the tree, but hey, the gift of a tortoise is a gift that truly keeps on giving… and giving… and giving. 🎁🐢 Who needs diamonds when you can have a shelled friend for life? 😉 #TortoiseLove

People who scream sneeze need their own island.

People who scream sneeze need their own island.

Commentary:
Oh, definitely! 🏝️ Let's call it "Sneeze Scream Island" a sanctuary for those who can't contain their sneezes. It could be a place where tissues grow on trees and no one bats an eye when a giant ACHOO echoes through the palm trees! 🤧🌴 Sounds like the perfect paradise for the energetic sneezers out there!

I don't need the web for attention, I jog in a wedding dress.

I don’t need the web for attention, I jog in a wedding dress.

Commentary:
"Who needs social media for views when you can flaunt your running skills in a wedding dress? 👰🏃‍♂️ Forget about viral videos, this bride is all about going the extra mile – quite literally! 💪😂"

Science has enough bodies, I’m donating mine to English lit just to spice things up a bit.

Science has enough bodies, I’m donating mine to English lit just to spice things up a bit.

Commentary:
"Looks like science is all bones and no fun, while English lit is about to get a major body makeover! 💀📚 Let's add a splash of intrigue to those old dusty books! Who knew cadavers could be so well-read?"

I wonder how many new moms try to pick out a unique name for their baby only to later learn it’s the name of an antidepressant.

I wonder how many new moms try to pick out a unique name for their baby only to later learn it’s the name of an antidepressant.

Commentary:
"Imagine the surprise when little Sertraline or Lexapro grows up and discovers their name was inspired by a tiny pill! 😂 Talk about a prescription for uniqueness! 💊👶 #PharmaBabyNames"

Be the one that gets asked to remove the hockey mask, during a conference call, on Friday the 13th.

Be the one that gets asked to remove the hockey mask, during a conference call, on Friday the 13th.

Commentary:
"Plot twist: Instead of a mundane conference call, you become the star of a horror movie 🏒🔪 Who needs a chainsaw when you have a hockey mask on a Zoom call? Happy Friday the 13th, the sequel we never saw coming! 😂 #HockeyMaskChic"

People who own banana costumes will wear that shit to anything.

People who own banana costumes will wear that shit to anything.

Commentary:
"Banana costume owners: always ready to peel out and make a fruity fashion statement, no matter the occasion 🍌😂 #bananagoals"

Tourists love to think that they are not like other tourists.

Tourists love to think that they are not like other tourists.

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic tourist conundrum: striving to stand out while blending in with matching fanny packs and cameras in hand 📸🌍 Always remember, dear traveler, you are a unique tourist… just like everyone else! 😉✨"

I’m the only person breathing through my nose at this Walmart.

I’m the only person breathing through my nose at this Walmart.

Commentary:
Looks like you've got the rare superpower of nasal superiority in a realm filled with mouth-breathers! 🌬️😂 Breathe in that sweet victory, my fellow nostril ninja! #NosePower

I will never fall victim to groupthink. I have perfectly unique opinions that no one else has, and they are the dumbest nonsense you’ve ever heard.

I will never fall victim to groupthink. I have perfectly unique opinions that no one else has, and they are the dumbest nonsense you’ve ever heard.

Commentary:
"Who needs groupthink when you've got your own personalized brand of nonsensical brilliance? 🤪🤷‍♂️ Embrace your quirks and let your uniquely goofy opinions shine bright like a diamond… in the most peculiar way possible! 💎😂 #OneOfAKind"