115 funny us quotes - Page 2 - Wordgag

My daughter’s morning alarm is less to wake her up, and more to warn the rest of us.

May 27, 2026

Maybe dogs are smarter than us because they found a way to get fed and housed without having to go to college and get a job.

May 27, 2026

If there is a God and He “loves” us, then explain snakes.

May 27, 2026

Thanks to AI, some of us went from being told by our parents not to trust the internet to having to tell our parents not to trust the internet.

May 27, 2026

It’s crazy how social media convinced us that 15 likes aren’t enough. Imagine 15 people in real life telling you that you looked good.

May 27, 2026

If you only watched reality TV dating shows, you would probably estimate the number of people who work in medical device sales in the United States to be approximately 80,000,000.

May 27, 2026

A moment of silence for those who hate us but can’t unfriend us because they’re afraid of not knowing what’s happening in our lives.

May 27, 2026

I told ChatGPT about us.

May 27, 2026

We all got a little Barbie in us (the microplastics).

May 27, 2026

Fun fact: The US was originally not meant to be a reality TV show.

May 27, 2026

Do clouds ever look down on us and say, “This one is shaped like an idiot”?

May 27, 2026

The difference between us is that people can peck you and I’m impeccable.

May 26, 2026

Are you coming to the party? There will be noise and lights but I found a corner for us to hide.

May 26, 2026

How many jokes about lightbulbs does it take to change us?

May 26, 2026

It is a mistake to say that the people who live a hundred years from now will have nothing to laugh at. They can laugh at us.

May 26, 2026

And are the people who find you “hilarious” in the room with us now?

May 26, 2026

Adult friendships are like, “hey girl, let’s keep rescheduling to hangout until one of us dies.”

May 26, 2026

Contrary to what we currently believe, we don’t choose afternoon naps. Afternoon naps choose us.

May 26, 2026

They did so well traumatizing us about teen pregnancy, I’m still traumatized as an adult.

May 25, 2026

No amount of daylight can save us.

May 25, 2026

And is your “sparkling personality” in the room with us now?

May 25, 2026

Twitter is a prime example why most of us shouldn’t be left unsupervised.

May 25, 2026

Your call is really important to us but first enjoy this clarinet number for the next seventy five minutes.

May 25, 2026

It’s important to remember that even parents make mistakes. In fact, it’s how many of us became parents.

May 25, 2026

Job applications be like “how did you hear about us?”. Bro why, was it a secret?

May 25, 2026

Commenting “what about us?” on all Valentine pics this year.

May 25, 2026

It’s messed up how us humans have to obey all these laws while bears get to eat whoever they want.

May 25, 2026

Maybe if we sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.

May 25, 2026

Imagine if spiders giggled when they ran away from us.

May 25, 2026

Messed up and threw a surprise party for my minimalist friend. Now 25 of us are hiding behind the granite orb.

May 25, 2026

I feel like an adult spelling bee would humble a lot of us.

May 24, 2026

Our parents used to drop us off at school with no water bottle, no phone and no snacks, yet somehow we survived.

May 24, 2026

Is the elephant in the room with us right now?

May 24, 2026

If Twitter has taught me anything, a lot of us aren’t ready for a spelling bee.

May 24, 2026

“Help us improve Instagram!” Nice try, fix your own damn website.

May 24, 2026

I wonder if babies know that we are more terrified of them than they are of us.

May 24, 2026

It’s completely absurd that Silicon Valley is pushing AI on us before they figured out how to keep fries fresh for longer.

May 24, 2026

I hope this email kills us both.

May 24, 2026

I got us matching straight jackets for Christmas.

May 24, 2026

Netflix should’ve just maybe mailed us all this fight on DVD.

May 24, 2026