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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Billionaires are so weird. What are you saving up for? Hell?

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

I feel for my kids, who had to take in the groceries and put them away today. They may never recover from this traumatic experience.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Life hack: Confuse your doctor by putting on gloves at the same time he does.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has bookmarked:

Whoever said it was okay to let your pets sleep in your bed, thanks a lot, now my goldfish is dead.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Online dating is stupid because scent is such an important factor of attraction.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Cholesterol has a special place in my heart.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

I like to live life dangerously by occasionally sticking my foot out over the edge of the bed at night.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

When pregnant women are around, watch what you say. Nowadays, anything will be used as a name.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

Home is where you can look ugly and enjoy it.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Third wheeling with two girls who are best friends is so much worse than third wheeling a couple.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,699

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

We put a man on the moon in 1969, and if you elect me to be your president, I promise that we will not stop until every man is on the moon.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Less is more, unless it’s kindness, sleep, or toilet paper.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Just found out my asexual friend was only using me for my companionship.

Just shared via Slack:

Another day on this hamster wheel to nowhere.

Just landed via TikTok:

Maybe aliens don’t visit us because they’re all women and they want us to make the first move.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Since I’ve stayed away from most people, I get on much better with people.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Laundry has to be the most sinister chore. Always waiting, always lurking.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Please no requests for a threesome. If I want to disappoint two people at the same time, I’ll visit my parents.

Shared recently on X:

Pitching a sitcom where all the top people running a major city have been arrested and by chain of command the person in charge is now a librarian.

Breaking via X:

We’re all in the billionaire submarine now.

29 Funny workweek quotes

Funny workweek quotes bring the perfect mix of laughter 😂 and motivation 💼 to survive those long office hours! Whether you’re stuck in meetings or counting down to Friday 🍹, these witty sayings turn work stress into smiles 😄. Get ready to brighten your day and share some laughs with colleagues—because who says the workweek can’t be fun? 🎉✨

New funny workweek quotes 👇

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All funny workweek quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections
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Social Media Stars ⭐

28 shares on YouTube this month:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking.

50 shares on Twitch this month:

Is it cool if I come into your life and just never leave, like a stray cat?

74 shares on Facebook this month:

So, Earth is basically auditions for heaven and hell.

81 shares on Pinterest this month:

You ever cleaned a room in your house so good that you walked out… just to walk back in to see your work?

25 shares on Facebook this month:

I got a lot of Jedi advice for somebody who could be turned to the dark side by moderate traffic.

93 shares on X this month:

People say “I would never,” then here they come nevering like they never nevered before.

60 shares on Facebook this month:

My sleeping pattern isn’t even a pattern anymore. It’s a lifestyle.

71 shares on WeChat this month:

Having to pay to read scientific and scholarly articles is a really disgusting and pathetic practice.

64 shares on TikTok this month:

What part of “hiii” do you not get? I’m in love with you.

15 shares on X this month:

Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved staying up really late, hanging out with myself, and thinking about stuff and things.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Woke up, twerked in the mirror and laid back down.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

When you really want to slap someone, do it and say, “Mosquito!

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I find myself thinking “God, I need a cigarette” way too often for someone who doesn’t actually smoke.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s so crazy how people are never down to just go get a burger. It didn’t used to be like this.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Just bought a new umbrella for the person that finds it tomorrow.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Girls don’t actually shop. We just walk round touching the clothes saying ‘this is cute’.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I use big words I don’t always fully understand, in an effort to make myself sound more photosynthesis.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I have the patience of a nearly ripe avocado.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a job is crazy. When you’re at home, you feel lonely and want to go to work. When you’re at work, you’re exhausted and just want to go home.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Who decided that “microwaves that beep forever” was a feature we needed.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,284

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

The only thing that could heal me is a memory loss.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has downloaded:

Anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “yeah, but not to you”.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

I think I could actually generate electricity with how irritated I get sometimes.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

I be butt naked, texting people, and they’ll never know.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Sometimes a little rudeness to establish that you don’t fancy nonsense is really important.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

It’s wild that “Jason” is a name from ancient Greece, because it sounds like it was invented in Florida in 1983.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has bookmarked:

Being married means mostly shouting “What?” from other rooms.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

There’s something so romantic about getting McDonald’s with a lover. Intimate perhaps.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

Just because the deodorant says 48 hrs, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

This site could use some more people who like to argue about literally anything.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Instagram:

I’m looking for friends with benefits. And by that I mean friends who have pools, boats and beautiful vacation homes.

Making waves on Messenger:

Establish dominance over your children by whining louder.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I love when I can smell my perfume on myself, like damn girl, you smell delicious.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

You only realize how heavy your handbag really is when your car tells you that your passenger is not wearing a seatbelt.

Making waves on Pinterest:

My playlist is so random, I be heartbroken, thugged out, and yeehaw all at the same time.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Everybody boo’d up, and I’m getting treated like celery on a hot wing plate.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I wish I was a moose. No work, no school, just eating grass and wrecking cars.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I miss when my biggest problem was whether my Happy Meal toy matched the one from the commercial.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Santa Claus isn’t real. Ain’t no man checking a list twice.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I love my cat so much, but how the hell are you that small and take up an entire queen-size mattress?

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