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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Don’t disrespect me and then be the moral compass on how I respond.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has bookmarked:

Friends with benefits but the benefits are you getting me an internship with your father’s network.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has copied:

I don’t think astronauts should be allowed to come back. You made your choice.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

What are cats even trying to do?

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

Due to not wanting to, I will not be.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

Old Spice doesn’t sound like something you wanna smell.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

Pleasantly surprised to discover the treadmill I bought came with a remote control, so I can run it from my recliner.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

4,056

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

On my way to Mordor. You nerds need anything?

Broadcasted on Threads:

Woke up, twerked in the mirror and laid back down.

Broadcasted on Threads:

I am simply too intelligent to be happy.

Spotted on Discord:

Sometimes I have to turn off the news and put on a true crime documentary, so I can relax.

Seen just now on Slack:

Ozzy Osbourne has mumbled through entire sentences, and I still understood him better than most of my exes.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Her idea of a romantic setting is one that has a diamond in it.

Just shared via YouTube:

Not being able to fall asleep is so embarrassing. All I’m asking my brain to do is nothing and it can’t even do that?

Girls on their period: stay away from me; I need you.

5 months ago

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Commentary:
🤔😆 Navigating this is like handling a live grenade that needs a hug! 💥👐

away, girls, i, me, need, period, stay

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Promising I won’t tell anyone your secret doesn’t include my husband. He’s basically my diary.

1 month ago
diary, humor, husband, i, promise, relationship, secret, tell, trust
I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

1 month ago
after, before, comedy, honesty, humor, i, impulsiveness, late, late night, life, night, personality, reflection, regret, rest, said, say, self-awareness, speech, think
The goal is to make your therapist cry.

3 months ago
cry, emotional, goal, humor, therapist
I be like, “I needed this,” and it’s just me getting drunk.

5 months ago
casual, casual conversation, conversation, drinking, drunk, getting, humor, i, just, me, self-reflection
I wanna date one of those guys who really loves their girlfriend.

1 month ago
date, desire, girlfriend, guy, guys, i, love, relationship, romantic, romantic desire
Thursday is really unnecessary. Today could’ve been Friday.

1 month ago
day, Friday, humor, procrastination, Thursday, time, today, unnecessary, week

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

I’m okay with being single. But at night, while I’m drunk, that’s too much.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

We’ve been talking about eating the rich for so long, they got over-ripe.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

All these years on the internet we have been working for artificial intelligence.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

My husband was unable to find his coat earlier as he’d accidentally hung it up.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

I’m so old, I still keep special moments in my heart and not in my Insta story.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

I have been so toxic and horny lately, I should probably start, like, reading a book or something.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Your honor, if it pleases the court, I brought homemade brownies for everyone.

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Threads:

Therapy isn’t enough, she needs to know people congratulated me when we broke up.

Going viral on Twitch:

The two types of video games are kill everything that moves and Microsoft Excel.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Why do my kids have Veteran’s Day off, they haven’t done shit.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

(Making small talk with a couple) So have you guys ever cheated on each other?

Spotted on YouTube:

I’m obsessed with adding a second completely unnecessary tweet to all my tweets, like, oh, you thought I was done.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Quickie so fast, it’s called secs.

Breaking via Instagram:

Twitter is an abusement park.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Girls on their period: stay away from me; I need you.

Promising I won’t tell anyone your secret doesn’t include my husband. He’s basically my diary.

I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

The goal is to make your therapist cry.

I be like, “I needed this,” and it’s just me getting drunk.

I wanna date one of those guys who really loves their girlfriend.

Thursday is really unnecessary. Today could’ve been Friday.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Walking on egg shells? In this economy?

I actually check my emails every day in hopes I’m going to get some life-changing news someday.

Bold of you to assume I have the energy to even climb a hill to die on.

Be the spooky thing in the woods that you wish to see in the world.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Asking “how’s the job hunt going?” is a lot like asking “did you come?” I promise you, you’d hear if there was any success.

Made my last mortgage payment. Yay! I still owe a lot, I’m just not paying anymore.

If you don’t like me, remember: it’s mind over matter. I don’t mind, and you don’t matter.

Never underestimate the healing power of a cheeseburger.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I think the world is ready for a fat James Bond.

After you do your laundry, you should be allowed to get in the dryer and tumble for a little. No charge.

Balloons are so weird. “Happy birthday, here’s a plastic sack of my breath.”

Dating apps? No thanks, if I wanted to talk to someone for hours and accomplish nothing, I’d contact tech support.

Can I be speaker? I’m pretty good at saying a lot without saying anything at all.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I thought you are the sunshine of my life, but you are just a meteor trying to destroy my world.

I want someone to care for me as much as Netflix cares if someone has logged into my account from another device.

If sex was strictly meant for procreation, why did God make it feel so good?

Petition to allow customer service employees to fight at least one customer per day.

I have so much planned today that I was already tired thinking of it yesterday.

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Girls on their period: stay away from me; I need you.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Promising I won’t tell anyone your secret doesn’t include my husband. He’s basically my diary.

I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

The goal is to make your therapist cry.

I be like, “I needed this,” and it’s just me getting drunk.

I wanna date one of those guys who really loves their girlfriend.

Thursday is really unnecessary. Today could’ve been Friday.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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