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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

Just imagine how great life would be if pizza made you skinny.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

The morning routine that takes the longest: finding the will to live.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

Can’t. Just put my hair in a bun and that’s just about enough exercise for today.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Life on other planets be like: “I hope those lunatics don’t discover us!”

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Nothing is hungrier than a Roomba that sees a charger cord.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

I accidentally bought a pair of nose-cancelling headphones and now my glasses keep falling off.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Stay humble, you are someone’s weird coworker.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

The struggle to get off the couch and into bed is real.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has viewed:

If you drink a lot of water, you won’t have time for other people’s drama because you’ll be too busy looking for a bathroom.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has copied:

Spice up your meltdown through interpretive dance.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,366

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

A tip for your next salary negotiation: simply tell your boss “either I get a pay rise or I go out and tell everyone I got one!”

Just shared via WeChat:

“Devil’s advocate” implies the existence of heaven’s prosecutor.

Girls on their period: stay away from me; I need you.

5 months ago

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Commentary:
🤔😆 Navigating this is like handling a live grenade that needs a hug! 💥👐

away, girls, i, me, need, period, stay

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You can’t have a bad day at work if you don’t go.

0

2 months ago

bad, bad day, day, going, humor, not going, office, procrastination, work
We all need to put the phone down, or it’s over for civilization.

0

3 months ago

addiction, civilization, communication, detox, digital, digital detox, humor, media, need, over, phone, put, social, social media, technology
May your coffee kick in, before reality does.

0

2 months ago

caffeine, coffee, humor, kick, morning, motivation, reality, wake up
I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

0

2 months ago

blood, call, cravings, eat, emotions, everything, everywhere, feel, huge, humor, i, me, menstruation, people, period, scared, shark, Shark week, snapping, want, week
Wait, some of you are actually seeing for free? No glasses, no contacts? Wow!

0

2 months ago

actually, contact, contact lens, contacts, eyesight, free, glasses, joke, lens, seeing, surprise, vision, wait
I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

0

2 months ago

being, boss, humor, i, independence, lot, me, motivation, paid, salary, self employment, should, workplace, workplace humor

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

58 shares on YouTube this month:

“Stand up for yourself!” Girl, I have low iron.

30 shares on Pinterest this month:

Crazy part about being an overthinker is most times you right.

81 shares on Reddit this month:

I want the dreams to chase me for once.

88 shares on Telegram this month:

NFTs were less about the money and more about the friends you scammed along the way.

26 shares on Slack this month:

Needing to stretch is so funny. Your body is like “Ughhh, make me longer!”

66 shares on Facebook this month:

Having little kids is great because I love spending hundreds of dollars each week to feed my floor and my trash can.

86 shares on Messenger this month:

He just walked right into my heart and switched on the lights.

33 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Cancelling a date so I can order pizza and go to bed at 8:30 p.m.

45 shares on Snapchat this month:

Welcome to your 50s. If you don’t have a mysterious ailment, one will be assigned to you shortly.

13 shares on Messenger this month:

When someone yells stop, I don’t know if it’s in the name of love, it’s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

Parents become grandparents and lose all their senses. All of a sudden, they got McDonald’s money now.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

A micromanager is someone you pay to watch your top talent walk away.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

Age range on my dating app set to 40+. Y’all fighting over grapes while I’m drinking wine.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has bookmarked:

Bison may look friend-shaped, but they already have all the friends they want. Keep your distance and don’t make it awkward.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

You should get a pension for having to go to school for so many years.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

80s movies: Let’s go to the future! Today: Let’s go back to the 80s!

Someone from 🇧🇷 has viewed:

Hey there, Delilah, we know you broke that dude’s heart.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

The worst part of coming out of a hyperfixation is sobering up and looking at all the merch you bought that you didn’t need.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

Catching me in person is rare. I move like a ghost.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

For whom the Fetty Waps.

Just shared via WeChat:

I could easily win an Oscar, I just have other things going on right now.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I don’t have read receipts on my phone because why would I tell on myself like that?

Trending via Telegram:

Aliens probably lock their doors when they fly past Earth.

Shared recently on Telegram:

If Pokémon were real, state fairs would serve them deep fried on a stick.

Going viral on Twitch:

Grateful to be living in the “Tetris when it’s going too fast and blocks are helplessly piling up” era of human history.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I’ve never been married, but I tell people I’m divorced so they won’t think something is wrong with me.

Live now on X:

I believe my ex-wife is days away from having a nuclear weapon.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

People found guilty of not using punctuation deserve the longest sentence possible.

Making waves on Facebook:

Annoyed because I want to live my life without a job.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Girls on their period: stay away from me; I need you.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

You can’t have a bad day at work if you don’t go.

We all need to put the phone down, or it’s over for civilization.

May your coffee kick in, before reality does.

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

Wait, some of you are actually seeing for free? No glasses, no contacts? Wow!

I should get paid a lot more for being the boss of me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨