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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Don’t go keto, go pirate. Rum, fish and beef jerky diet.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

The real flex is how many wounds you can turn into wisdom.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

I don’t usually think about what I say before I say it. I prefer to think about it after I’ve said it, late at night, for the rest of my life.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has bookmarked:

Do cats have a sense of causation between grooming themselves and coughing up hairballs, or do they think it’s just an annoying separate thing which just happens to them sometimes?

Someone from 🇨🇺 has bookmarked:

At the end of my appointment, the doctor took her own blood pressure.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

When a door closes in life, sometimes it’s better to grab a hammer and nails and make sure the damn thing stays shut.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has downloaded:

Life would be so much easier if the nose of people who lie all the time did actually grow longer like Pinocchio’s.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

I love being wrong, it’s just like being right except easier and I get to be stupid, which is my favorite thing.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has shared:

I love asking 5 different people for advice then doing what I want.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

Many people mistakenly believe that diamond is the hardest substance on earth, but in reality it is my husband’s stubborn head.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,557

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Snapchat:

In hell, you wait for a ‘verify your email address’ email that never arrives.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Welcome to your 40’s: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Ask a man what a good woman is, and watch him describe a slave.

Spotted on Instagram:

I missed out on drowning tragically young in a suburban swimming pool.

Just landed via Slack:

For as long as that song was, you’d think the Ghost Busters would have mentioned their phone number at least once.

Freshly posted on X:

People say that they want to be tall, but don’t realize how many times tall people are assaulted by spiderwebs.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I will restart the entire song if you talk over my favorite part.

Live now on Twitch:

My wife rearranged the kitchen cabinets, and now I’ll never eat again.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Indiana Jones is a fantasy about being a professor with no admin duties.

Shared recently on TikTok:

In the 80s, if you woke up feeling thirsty, you could drink some of your waterbed.

Girls will be like, “This is my comfort song,” and it’s the howling of a wolf inside a dark forest.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
When your playlist takes you from spa day to a full moon werewolf rave 🌕🎶🐺

animal, animal metaphor, comfort, comfort song, dark, dark forest, forest, girls, humor, inside, irony, metaphor, music, music taste, personality, personality traits, song, taste, traits, wolf

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The cool thing about being a procrastinator is, really bad ideas also don’t ever make it off the ground.

0

2 months ago

bad, bad idea, being, cool, cool thing, decision, delay, ever, ground, humor, idea, ideas, procrastinator, thing
I aspire to be a stay-at-home mom with no kids.

0

2 months ago

aspiration, humor, i, irony, kids, lifestyle, mom, no kids, parenting, stay-at-home, stay-at-home mom
“Just circling back on this.” – “Take another lap.”

0

2 months ago

another, back, circling, circling back, communication, humor, just, lap, meetings, take, work
I’m not flirting with you. I’m just funny and you think you like me.

0

2 months ago

attraction, comedy, flirting, humor, just, me, misunderstanding, relationship, think
I wish religion made people nicer to each other.

0

2 months ago

i, kindness, nice, people, religion, wish
Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

1

5 months ago

beverage, coke, diet, Diet Coke, gunshot, gunshot wound, humor, injury, ironic, ironic remedy, pain, pain relief, relief, remedy, wound

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

75 shares on Pinterest this month:

Introverts don’t recharge with sleep, we recharge by being left completely alone for 3–5 business days.

84 shares on TikTok this month:

I think you misunderstood – when I said, “Let me look into it,” that meant, “I don’t know exactly how to tell you no just yet.”

73 shares on Messenger this month:

I am staying up till a million o’clock tonight.

33 shares on Instagram this month:

A haunted house, but it’s just a room full of people asking you to tell them a fun fact about yourself.

27 shares on Reddit this month:

I just want a bar where I can pour my own drink, have music at a normal volume, and there are no people, and it’s my house.

98 shares on WhatsApp this month:

How many calories does an audible sigh burn? Because I don’t think my Apple Watch is giving me credit for them.

60 shares on Threads this month:

Peloton guy yelling “two more, one more” but it’s me eating Cheetos.

98 shares on YouTube this month:

Some people are so judgmental, I can tell by just looking at them.

88 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“Full-time” should be 20 hours max, man. This is ridiculous. I’ve got other stuff to do.

38 shares on X this month:

Get a Ring camera so you can yell at your kids when they’re out front and freak them out.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has downloaded:

Gonna tell my dentist that if I’m late, he should start without me.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

I hope we’re good friends until we die, then I hope we can stay ghost friends, walk through walls and scare people.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

90% of debugging is just realizing your own stupidity in slow motion.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

The main reason for stress is the daily contact with idiots.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has viewed:

Husband said he only wants to allow our kids to watch Looney Tunes and nothing else because of the “moral lessons”.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Guys, stop showering. I need the water for ChatGPT.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has downloaded:

There’s literally no law that says you can’t put your friends down as your references and pretend they were your boss at an old job. Literally, there’s no law that says that.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Please pray for my daughter, who had to empty the dishwasher when she “just did this yesterday and she’s tired.”

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

When I say someone is a good doctor, it’s entirely based on the strength of their waiting room Wi-Fi.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has downloaded:

Lately, when I meet new people, I ask them what their hobbies are instead of what they do for work, and let me tell you, the conversations have been absolutely top tier!

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Seeking a date so intense even the candles are sweating.

Live now on Telegram:

Netflix had enough cash to buy Warner Bros., but cried poor when we shared passwords with our mom.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I will never trust a cake transport box enough to just hold it by the handle.

Shared recently on X:

Nature is fascinating. A dandelion makes it through concrete, while I get my head stuck in my sweater in the morning.

Making waves on YouTube:

I miss the days when our biggest argument was whether West Coast or East Coast rap was better.

Trending via Twitch:

To cut a long story short, I became a film editor.

Going viral on Slack:

Can I sell my feelings on ebay, I don’t want them anymore.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Going to a wedding really reminds me of the important things in life. Like cake.

Live now on Threads:

Tornadoes are the most relaxing things in the news.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Pro tip: Avoid the news for a couple of days and have some fun.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Girls will be like, “This is my comfort song,” and it’s the howling of a wolf inside a dark forest.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The cool thing about being a procrastinator is, really bad ideas also don’t ever make it off the ground.

I aspire to be a stay-at-home mom with no kids.

“Just circling back on this.” – “Take another lap.”

I’m not flirting with you. I’m just funny and you think you like me.

I wish religion made people nicer to each other.

Pouring Diet Coke directly into my gunshot wound.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨