God: “You’re all really bad at this.”

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

DMs full of guys who wouldn’t know what to do with me.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has bookmarked:

I feel sorry for non-glasses wearers. They’ll never know the joy of cleaning them and suddenly being upgraded to the UHD package.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has downloaded:

Overheard a baby crying in the grocery store the other day so I went over and joined him. I get it, little dude, life is hard.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has bookmarked:

If I could do it all over again, I would ruin my life differently. I have new ideas.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has viewed:

Nowadays you don’t even have to go to the zoo. A trip to the mall is enough.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

Waffles are just pancakes with convenient boxes to hold your syrup.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your card out of your wallet.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has downloaded:

You wish you had this many chins.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

Coffee should just be free for anybody over 30.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

Can’t sleep because I keep finding exciting opportunities to get pissed off.