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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

I’m not an early bird or a night owl, I’m some sort of permanently exhausted pigeon.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Double chins are better than double faces.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

Wi-Fi: Your internet connection is unstable. Me: You should see my life.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

Sometimes somebody will share something from way back in my timeline, and I’ll think, “Oh God, what all did they see to get there?”

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

My father didn’t want kids, so he had two kids, which was the equivalent of zero kids at the time.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

What if i just replied “not now kitten daddy’s busy” to all my work emails?

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Uber drivers have secret access to a streaming service of exclusively the worst music you’ve ever heard.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

One day you’re hip and cool, and then out of nowhere you say things like hip and cool.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Female dragonflies will fake their own deaths to avoid mating with unwanted males. They are like, “Ugh, here comes Carl again. Play dead, girl!“

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

When someone giving me directions says, “You can’t miss it,” I would love to tell them just how wrong they were if I could find my way back to them.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,458

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Reddit:

Descibe your boobs only using a picture of them.

Spotted on YouTube:

Some people are wise, some folks are otherwise.

Just landed via Discord:

OK, just so everybody’s clear, I’m going to put my glasses on.

Seen just now on Instagram:

My toxic trait is destroying my room every time I get dressed.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

My step counter doesn’t judge. For him, steps to the fridge are just as valuable as a walk.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

Every gift guide for men is like “A flannel flask to hold your knife flavored whiskey.”

Breaking via Instagram:

Building a snowman so I can punch it in the face.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Sometimes people come into your life — and they need to stop doing that.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I don’t know why doctors only give stickers to kids? Like, hello, I was also brave today.

Just landed via Telegram:

Bartenders be like “here’s that receipt, I’ll go ahead and put it on the wettest part of the bar”.

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can get sleep paralysis.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Sleep tight, gentlemen! For the rest, may your sleep be as complicated as your love life! 😴🤦‍♂️💤

enough, goodnight, humor, jealousy, know, man, men, paralysis, relationship, rest, sleep, sleep paralysis, woman

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”

0

2 months ago

baby, back, excitement, food, half, hell, humor, lunch, motivation, run, run it back, sandwich, second, second half
I must retire to my chambers about this.

0

2 months ago

chamber, formal, formal language, humor, i, language, old fashioned, remark, retire, witty, witty remark
My sleeping pattern ain’t even a pattern anymore, it’s a freestyle that’s on shuffle.

1

2 months ago

even, freestyle, humor, pattern, shuffle, sleep, sleeping
Married life: Telling your partner the same sentence 7 days in a row, only for him to say, “You definitely never told me that!”

0

3 months ago

communication, days, definitely, humor, life, married, married life, me, misunderstanding, never, only, partner, relationship, repetition, row, same, say, sentence, telling, told
Guys, please stop wearing NASA shirts, I bet you can’t even name one of their songs.

0

2 months ago

bet, culture, even, fashion, guys, humor, i, irony, name, Nasa, pop, pop culture, shirts, songs, stereotypes, stop
Adulthood is saying “but after this week things will slow down a bit” over and over until you die.

0

2 months ago

adulthood, after, bit, die, expectations, humor, life, over, procrastination, routine, saying, slow, slow down, stress, things, week

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

36 shares on YouTube this month:

Taking the day off to brush up on conspiracy theories and really get this family party started.

86 shares on Discord this month:

“Damn, you’re tight!” I whisper as I look at my monthly budget.

45 shares on Slack this month:

To cut a long story short, I became a film editor.

30 shares on X this month:

My family asked me what I wanted for Mother’s Day, so I packed their bags and changed the locks.

28 shares on Snapchat this month:

Call me old, but these days I just get excited to go home and lay down.

59 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Source? It was revealed to me on my walk.

45 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Just bought a new umbrella for the person that finds it tomorrow.

85 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I love my bed so much, what a place.

38 shares on YouTube this month:

Who needs a weighted blanket when you’ve got the weight of the world?

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Livin’ la vida vodka!

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇪 has downloaded:

I’m trying to cut back on how much sense I make.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

The mattress in the guest room was perfectly fine until I had to sleep on it once.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

I would like to have the peace of mind of a cow. I already have the body.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

Victor Frankenstein being only 23 years old when he made the monster is crazy to me, he should have been at the club.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

The nicest thing I’ve done for a date is turn up.

Someone from 🇮🇷 has bookmarked:

Cocktails can be tricky, because they taste like juice, but then the next thing you know… you can’t walk.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Damn, girl, are you Black Friday? Because I’m wondering what your bloody deal is.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

When waiting for a flight, there’s always one guy at the gate that makes you think, “As long as I’m not sitting next to him, I’ll be fine.”

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

Knowing I’ve been called crazy, but never ugly, is how I sleep at night.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I caught two kids smoking pot outside my office. Fifteen minutes later, my boss caught me and two kids smoking pot outside my office.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Replying to all emails with “ya think?”.

Making waves on TikTok:

Imagine hating me and i’m just over here doing a much better job at hating myself than any of y’all could do.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Whenever I’m not eating a breakfast sandwich I wish I was eating a breakfast sandwich.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Why do babies stare at you like they know you from somewhere?

Just landed via TikTok:

I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.

Breaking via Slack:

I didn’t lose a girlfriend, I gained an enemy.

Just landed via X:

Sorry for having no idea what the hell I am doing. It will happen again.

Going bananas on TikTok:

Please don’t be mean to me, because I can be meaner and I hate being mean.

Live now on X:

Okay, fall, I see you showing a lil’ leg.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Goodnight to the men who know one woman is enough. The rest can get sleep paralysis.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Starting the second half of your sandwich is like “hell yeah, baby, let’s run it back!”

I must retire to my chambers about this.

My sleeping pattern ain’t even a pattern anymore, it’s a freestyle that’s on shuffle.

Married life: Telling your partner the same sentence 7 days in a row, only for him to say, “You definitely never told me that!”

Guys, please stop wearing NASA shirts, I bet you can’t even name one of their songs.

Adulthood is saying “but after this week things will slow down a bit” over and over until you die.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨