Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇦 has copied:

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Pretty messed up that my body, a chemistry lab made of meat, simply chooses to make me feel a little bit nervous for no reason.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

You look like the kind of person who would hit rock bottom and then start drilling.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

All I’m dealing with is broken people. Lord, if I’m a mechanic, please tell me.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

If you think someone has put a spell on you, send me $500 and I’ll get rid of it.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Multitask? I can barely unitask.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has copied:

You don’t have to be crazy to be friends with me. I also train people.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

We’re all just a bunch of addicts, struggling with our drug of choice.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

I lost my job at NASA Mission Control today. I misheard when they said, “It’s lunch time.”

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

Technically, all the money I have ever spent on food has been flushed down the toilet.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,257

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

Love to come home after a long day’s work and relax with one thousand short-form videos.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Heelys don’t have brakes because my swag rides forever.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

One day there will be condoms with Bluetooth that tell you whether you’re good in bed, how many calories you’ve burned and when the next train leaves.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

You don’t scare me, you’re not my ID photo.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Incredibly annoying that exercising, eating right, and drinking water can make you actually feel good.

Going viral on Messenger:

My pronouns are she/her and my adjectives are problematic/overwhelmed.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

If you don’t buy any snacks, you’re proud for a moment and then incredibly sad.

Making waves on Telegram:

‘Blinded by the Light’ is really just a song about turning the bathroom light on in the middle of the night.

Just shared via Reddit:

I’m just here to make you wish I wasn’t.

I am not living la vida loca. I am loca because of la vida.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like life is driving the bus and I'm just the passenger without a seatbelt! 🤪🚌

am, crazy, humor, i, LA, life, lifestyle, living, madness, phrase, Spanish, Spanish phrase, vida, wordplay

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I wonder if Mary and Joseph hated putting away the Christmas stuff as much as I do.

0

2 months ago

away, Christmas, decorations, holiday, humor, i, Joseph, Mary, much, procrastination, putting, putting away, relatable, stuff, wonder
My dating checklist is down to “not the Unabomber”.

0

2 months ago

checklist, dating, humor, relationship, standards, Unabomber
If you respond to my sarcasm with better sarcasm, then I might just catch feelings.

0

2 months ago

banter, better, catch, emotion, feelings, humor, i, just, respond, response, sarcasm, wit
Just gave my boyfriend an incorrect direction in the car, and he sighed and muttered to himself, “Never assign to malice what can be attributed to incompetence.”

0

2 months ago

boyfriend, car, direction, driving, funny statement, humor, incompetence, incorrect, just, malice, never, relationship, statement
The last time I said I wanted to try missionary, she sent me to a remote village in Africa.

0

2 months ago

adventure, Africa, humor, i, last, me, missionary, relationship, remote, remote village, time, travel, try, village, wanted
My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

0

2 months ago

early, exercising, fitness, going, humor, husband, looking, need, new, new husband, relationship, shape, start, tomorrow, wake, waking, waking up

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on Reddit this month:

“Baby on board” Okay, well, can you tell him to drive faster?

67 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Stop making Fast and Furious movies.

79 shares on Snapchat this month:

My fridge turns into a food retirement home, as soon as I buy groceries.

83 shares on Messenger this month:

Excuse me, but would you sign my petition to ban petitions?

40 shares on Reddit this month:

Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved staying up really late, hanging out with myself, and thinking about stuff and things.

41 shares on Facebook this month:

The word “misread” can be misread as “misread.”

29 shares on YouTube this month:

What I lack in moves on the dance floor, I more than make up for in dancing around a conversation.

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

I know sacrifice. I’m willing to pluck a few extra hairs to get to the white ones.

28 shares on Messenger this month:

Shout out to all the experts on the web who know everything there is to know about absolutely everything.

12 shares on Discord this month:

Everyone’s gangster until they need to pee.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

I don’t want to adult today, I just want to dog. I’ll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Can’t wait for the day off from work so I can sit on the couch at home and stare at the TV screen while thinking about work.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has copied:

It’s never too early to be sad about having to work the next day.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

“Stop overthinking.” Oh, wow. Hadn’t considered that. Solved.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

If a beer is 8 bucks, it’s a show. If a beer is 14 bucks, it’s a concert.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Did it hurt, when my ice cream outlasted yours?

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

I truly wonder what it sounded like when Medusa washed her hair at night.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

I’m no Hobbit, but I do often walk blindly into some rather dodgy situations.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

Hey boy, are you my period? Because you’re annoying as hell but I still wanna see you regularly.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Not my room, not my elephant.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

Messed up and threw a surprise party for my minimalist friend. Now 25 of us are hiding behind the granite orb.

Just landed via Slack:

Isn’t it odd that “read” is pronounced like “lead”, while “read” is pronounced like “lead”?

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

I wonder how many people think, “What the hell?” after talking to me.

Going viral on X:

Some people don’t have a permanent handwriting. It depends on their mood and the pen they use.

Just shared via Reddit:

I’ve realized there’s more to life than social media, so I guess this is goodbye for the next 12 minutes.

Freshly posted on X:

I come from a long line of people with something wrong with them.

Spotted on Discord:

Someone said I should think before I speak and I said “eww what a horrible way to live”

Seen just now on Threads:

I refuse to go to a blood bank. I’m not taking your blood money.

Trending via Facebook:

My wife almost fell down the stairs today and that got us into a heated argument whether my gasp was out of concern or excitement.

Just shared via Snapchat:

Call me dramatic, but I think I deserve a love confession in the rain.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I am not living la vida loca. I am loca because of la vida.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I wonder if Mary and Joseph hated putting away the Christmas stuff as much as I do.

My dating checklist is down to “not the Unabomber”.

If you respond to my sarcasm with better sarcasm, then I might just catch feelings.

Just gave my boyfriend an incorrect direction in the car, and he sighed and muttered to himself, “Never assign to malice what can be attributed to incompetence.”

The last time I said I wanted to try missionary, she sent me to a remote village in Africa.

My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨