Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has viewed:

“God has a plan for you!” Okay, well, I have some notes for him.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has downloaded:

As a retiree, I have two pairs of pajamas. Bedtime and daytime. Sometimes I get them confused.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Real yearners know yearning is not actually fun.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

Dude so boring, it’s like his personality swiped left on him.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

My daily exercise routine involves running late, jumping to conclusions and pushing my luck.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

Rich people go to parties. It’s what they do, and somehow we must all watch videos of it.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

I don’t flirt, I just say weird things and hope something sticks.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

Okay, that’s enough todaying for today.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

I love sleeping in fishnets. Makes you feel like a big honey roast ham.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

Netflix needs to stop asking if I’m still watching and start asking if I moved the laundry to the dryer yet.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

429 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,698

Funny Quotes Topics

17,716

Funny Quotes Images

15,698

Updated

Jan 13, 2026

Users Online

3,707

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

Someone has left me a voicemail. I don’t know what to do. Open the phone app? The contacts? Do I turn on the TV?

Going viral on Messenger:

I should be able to eat one huge meal a month, like a snake. This every-few-hours shit sucks.

Going bananas on X:

It’s funny how quickly you become difficult if you don’t always just say “yes”.

Shared recently on Discord:

Oasis didn’t just write good songs. They wrote the soundtrack for a whole generation.

Going viral on Slack:

Teens are like, “My homework isn’t done, but check out this presentation I made on why I need Instagram.”

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Half of Twitter is horny, half is depressed, and the other half don’t know how to do math.

Just shared via Facebook:

That’s not my girl bestie, that’s my platonic wife.

Spreading quickly via Facebook:

Whatever you ask the Universe for under this post, you will get next week.

Spotted on Instagram:

Are you there, bathroom walls, ceiling, floor, mirror, sink, and towels? It’s me, the kids toothpaste.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Sometimes all you need is a Saturday to sleep, eat, and do absolutely nothing else all day.

I can show you the stars, we just have to stand up really fast.

1 day ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Zooming to space without a rocket! 🚀🤯✨

fast, humor, i, joke, just, night, observation, show, sky, stand, standing, star, stars, surprise

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I wish pets lived longer, and life wasn’t so expensive, and cake didn’t make you fat, and people weren’t twats.

2 months ago

cake, complaint, expense, expensive, fat, humor, i, life, lived, longer, people, pet, pets, weight, wish
Why’s it always “NYC smells like pee” and never “my pee smells like the greatest city in the world”?

2 months ago

always, city, humor, irony, never, NYC, pee, smell, world
Can’t. I’m busy taking this Buzzfeed quiz to find out what kind of potato I am.

2 months ago

activity, am, busy, Buzzfeed, fun, fun activity, humor, i, personality, personality test, potato, procrastination, quiz, test
After having received my free sample of winter, I would like to cancel my subscription please.

2 months ago

after, cancel, cancel subscription, cold, cold weather, complaint, free, free sample, having, humor, i, sample, seasonal, seasonal complaint, subscription, weather, winter
Today I couldn’t find a parking space at work, so I drove back home. Looks like they have enough people there.

2 months ago

back, commute, frustration, home, humor, i, joke, looks, parking, people, space, today, work
I got my patience from waiting half the day to download a song from Limewire.

2 months ago

day, download, half, i, Limewire, music, nostalgia, patience, song, technology, waiting

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

49 shares on X this month:

“Angry on the internet” is such an unfortunate personality.

59 shares on Twitch this month:

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

58 shares on Instagram this month:

I like my bed more than I like most people.

41 shares on Facebook this month:

I could win awards for having a bad memory. In fact, I probably did. How would I know.

57 shares on Snapchat this month:

Weekends are a scam, you spend one day exhausted and the other day anxious. Like, what the hell was that?

80 shares on WeChat this month:

When the devil couldn’t reach me, he made my brain my biggest enemy.

58 shares on Reddit this month:

Welcome to your 50s, you now take supplements to help your memory, but you can’t remember if you took them today.

81 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Even if there’s a murderer behind me, finish chewing before you tell me.

74 shares on WhatsApp this month:

One day you’ll meet that amazing person who just gets you, and they won’t text you back either.

88 shares on Threads this month:

Not to be a nerd, but a well-placed semicolon is hot as hell.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇲 has shared:

Working on my harmonica skills so those around me can both hear and feel my depression.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

Most people have 32 teeth. Some have 10. Simple meth.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

We should be able to go to the bar and drink to watch Love Island, like men do with sports.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

How dare you say I’m crazy on the eve of my cat’s wedding?

Someone from 🇱🇦 has bookmarked:

Adulthood is really discovering half your family is mentally ill.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

Not to brag, but I ate all of my bananas before they turned brown. Don’t be jealous.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

If i say “morning!” to you, it does not mean “good morning”, I am merely exclaiming in horror that it is morning.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

A swear jar for Twitter would end world hunger.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

That was a nice hour long Twitter scroll. Feel much worse as always. See you guys tomorrow.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

At this point making life choices involves liquor and a dart board.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I swear, one more minor inconvenience and I’m running away to join the circus.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Have kids so you can say things you never thought you would like “please don’t vacuum your sister”

Breaking via Facebook:

Just accidentally closed a tab I’ve had been meaning to read for the past two years.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

My favorite things about Texas are definitely toast and chainsaw massacres.

Making waves on Slack:

I need someone to look at me the way I look at memes.

Spotted on TikTok:

Your honor, I was under the impression it was hammer time.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

My love life feels like when you finally spot an open space in a full parking lot — and then boom, it’s a motorcycle.

Making waves on X:

Asking Santa Claus for nudes.

Live now on Pinterest:

I get sad when I see how old people my age are.

Trending via YouTube:

For Halloween, I will be okay.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I can show you the stars, we just have to stand up really fast.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I wish pets lived longer, and life wasn’t so expensive, and cake didn’t make you fat, and people weren’t twats.

Why’s it always “NYC smells like pee” and never “my pee smells like the greatest city in the world”?

Can’t. I’m busy taking this Buzzfeed quiz to find out what kind of potato I am.

After having received my free sample of winter, I would like to cancel my subscription please.

Today I couldn’t find a parking space at work, so I drove back home. Looks like they have enough people there.

I got my patience from waiting half the day to download a song from Limewire.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨