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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇴 has bookmarked:

Harmonicas are basically for people who like to hear music while they spit.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Helpful police officer reminded me he’s the one asking the questions.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has bookmarked:

Good luck to everyone out there trying to gather enough energy to function this week.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

All these galaxies and planets, and we ended up on the one with 40 hour work weeks.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

I’m a bit of a traditionalist, so on my birthday, I smear my body with embryonic fluid.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

All my bills say “Outstanding.” I guess I am good to go.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Anyone who doesn’t like me snoring, doesn’t deserve me moaning either.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

My body is a machine that turns traumatic experiences into 10 likes on X.

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

The world needs to chill out. There’s no way future history teachers can cram all this nonsense into a semester.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

So I just keep making dinner? Every night of my life? For forever?

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

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3,568

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

Being offline for so long gave me the time to appreciate what’s really important in life, so I’m back online.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Petition to allow customer service employees to fight at least one customer per day.

Going viral on Twitch:

The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

Just landed via Telegram:

Internet strangers offer the best advice.

Going viral on YouTube:

Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

Shared recently on Telegram:

Counting calories is a great way to combine super fun things like math and not eating.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

We’re in the middle of a snowstorm with no cake in the house. I never expected to perish like this.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

I hate this time of year because all you guys care about is football, and no one wants to ogle my cleavage anymore.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Remember when you were a kid, you slept on the couch and without saying anything you found yourself in your bed. Now you sleep in your bed and if you say anything, you end up on the couch.

Making waves on Pinterest:

The pumpkin was invented in 1942 when a watermelon put on a pair of corduroys.

I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? And I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

3 months ago

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Well, looks like my boss gave me a raise—turns out for comedy! 😂🤷‍♂️

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69 shares on X this month:

Daily reminder that you’re biologically programmed to get laid, eat good food, connect with other humans, and enjoy yourself. Everything else is literally made up.

28 shares on TikTok this month:

Be warned: I’m bored. This could get dangerous.

17 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If I was on Love Island, I would get wasted and drown in the pool, altering the course of every contestant’s life forever.

28 shares on Telegram this month:

My dog understands several human words. I don’t understand any dog barks. He may be smarter than me.

49 shares on Snapchat this month:

It must be hard to be a rapper knowing at any moment your enemies may make beautiful poems about you.

41 shares on YouTube this month:

Unlike the stomach, the brain doesn’t alert you when it’s empty.

93 shares on Facebook this month:

If you fall asleep long enough, the steering wheel gives you a pillow.

37 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Interrupt my sleep and I’ll interrupt your breathing.

45 shares on X this month:

Why aren’t we using these t-shirt cannons for burritos?

20 shares on Telegram this month:

Phew, I thought the weather was broken because there was this weird yellow thing in the sky. But all’s well, it’s raining again.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Diet Coke so crisp I moaned.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has copied:

Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

Today I was in a taxi, and the taxi driver said, “I love my job. I am my own boss, nobody tells me what to do!” Then I said, “Turn left.”

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

I have to pee. Story of my life.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has bookmarked:

Sorry I slowed down but I had to calculate if the bridge could hold the weight of my car with all the stuffed animals my kids insisted on bringing on vacation.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

I don’t carry my wallet to work because I’m afraid someone will steal it while I’m sleeping.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Females be naked so much online, I be like, damn, I bet she look good in a sweater.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

A true friend is someone who thinks you’re a good egg, even though they know you’re slightly cracked.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

Nobody told me that it takes 1-2 business days to put a snow outfit on a toddler.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

I’m not exaggerating when I say, if I ever clogged a toilet at work, I would immediately quit, change my name, and then move to a different city.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on TikTok:

There’s no filter on my pics or my thoughts. I’m just out here raw-dogging it.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Church should be less preachy and more eat-y.

Just shared via Reddit:

Yoga is just slow motion breakdancing.

Going bananas on Threads:

There is nothing like a little tomato soup to soothe the soul, even if it’s cold, over ice, with a celery stalk and vodka.

Trending via Slack:

An internship is only unpaid if you don’t steal enough.

Shared recently on TikTok:

It may sound crazy but some of us are nice without hidden agendas.

Just shared via Facebook:

Being on Twitter right now is like playing the violin on the Titanic, except we are also making fun of the iceberg and the iceberg is getting genuinely mad.

Making waves on Pinterest:

The word “ugly” cannot be used on women, I’m sorry. Women just can’t be ugly, that’s a boy thing.

Just landed via Facebook:

My favorite pirate song is “Aye of the Tiger”

Broadcasted on Discord:

An evil genius rising to a position of power is bad but it makes sense at least. Feels insulting we’re constantly seeing evil idiots doing it instead.

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I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? And I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

The only thing I miss all day is my bed.

Been getting really into nothing.

Many people mistakenly believe that diamond is the hardest substance on earth, but in reality it is my husband’s stubborn head.

Girls only want one thing, and it’s to be photographed candidly on 35mm film.

I put my pants on just like everybody else: when the police tell me to.

Hiccups became less popular. I never hear people hiccuping anymore. What’s going on there?

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? And I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

Keep the laugh going 😂

The only thing I miss all day is my bed.

Been getting really into nothing.

Many people mistakenly believe that diamond is the hardest substance on earth, but in reality it is my husband’s stubborn head.

Girls only want one thing, and it’s to be photographed candidly on 35mm film.

I put my pants on just like everybody else: when the police tell me to.

Hiccups became less popular. I never hear people hiccuping anymore. What’s going on there?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨