Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Whoever named them fitting rooms has a lot of nerve.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

I can turn wine into water about two hours after drinking it. Checkmate Jesus.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

Welcome to your 50s, your knees will now decide when you will sit down.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has copied:

After I get irritated, it takes me about 2 hours to fix my face.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has copied:

Start every phone call with “My battery is at 5%” so you can hang up whenever you want.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

One day my sanity went out for smokes and never came back.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

You know when you have so much to do that you just sit down and do nothing?

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

Brushing your teeth at night is a hellish chore. Walking from bed to bathroom feels harder than working in the mines all day. I’m getting pissed just thinking about it.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Cooking your own meals really is the best way to devote 50 hours of your life every month to save $50.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has bookmarked:

Divorce is so weird. Why do I have an ex-aunt?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 19, 2026

Users Online

3,246

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Discord:

Blocking someone isn’t enough; I need their PornHub videos to always buffer, just as they’re about to climax.

Just landed via TikTok:

If there’s ever an alien invasion, I hope it doesn’t start while I’m asleep. I hate being woken up before my alarm.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I’m not athletic, but I’m good at jumping to conclusions.

Making waves on X:

Finally my winter fat has gone. I now have spring rolls.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

She took all my money, called me fat, AND stabbed me in the arm. I hate doctor appointments.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

The shitshow must go on.

Just shared via WeChat:

They say there’s no such thing as a stupid question, but then they’ll go and wake you up to ask if you’re asleep.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Sorry about all of the correct stuff I said when I was right.

Going viral on Pinterest:

My running speed is very slow because the Discman wasn’t allowed to shake in the past.

Shared recently on Slack:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I never wanted to download the Microsoft Authenticator app on my personal phone to access every professional platform necessary to do my job.

I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? And I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

3 months ago

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Commentary:
Well, looks like my boss gave me a raise—turns out for comedy! 😂🤷‍♂️

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35 shares on WhatsApp this month:

The last time I said I wanted to try missionary, she sent me to a remote village in Africa.

69 shares on Facebook this month:

The best way to contact me is to meet me in my dreams at 3 a.m.

11 shares on Messenger this month:

No one declines an incoming call faster than a 3-year-old watching YouTube.

100 shares on WhatsApp this month:

For introverts, the worst kind of head-on collision is running directly into the person we’re avoiding at the grocery store.

89 shares on Snapchat this month:

I woke up, got out of bed, and had coffee. I think that’s enough for one day.

62 shares on Telegram this month:

If you compliment me, my glasses fog up.

46 shares on Pinterest this month:

Spices were first brought to Western Europe in the Middle Ages. Some of them are still at the back of my cupboard.

13 shares on Slack this month:

Do you ever think back about all the crazy stuff you did when you were younger, and wonder how you’re still alive?

64 shares on X this month:

Every time I blink, it’s Monday again. I can’t live like this.

25 shares on WeChat this month:

Everybody looks like a criminal on the self-checkout camera.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

This meeting could have been an oil painting.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has viewed:

It would be nice to see basic human decency make a comeback.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

I start off my mornings with coffee and low expectations.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has downloaded:

All I’m saying is, there are too many songs about love and not enough songs about evenly layered nachos.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

Welcome to your 50s, you now take supplements to help your memory, but you can’t remember if you took them today.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

I never feel more alone than when I’m trying to put sunscreen on my back.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

It’s ok to not have a Valentine on Valentine’s Day. I didn’t have a groundhog on Groundhog’s Day.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

I’m blunt because the universe rolled me that way.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

I hate starting new relationships. I gotta act like I ain’t crazy for two months.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

Nose so runny it just signed me up for a 10k.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Reddit:

My only goal in life is to never end up on a Netflix documentary.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Eating Halloween candy and putting up my Christmas tree because nothing matters anymore.

Live now on Slack:

“Likes your story” is a declaration of love.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I eat cake because it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.

Shared recently on Discord:

Some Uber rides in NYC are the same price as a JetBlue flight to Miami.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

The Scream movies were believable in the ’90s, but no one with any common sense answers unknown numbers on their phones anymore.

Shared recently on Instagram:

I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.

Breaking via WeChat:

Dating after 40 is like trying to find the least damaged item at the thrift store that doesn’t smell.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I only drink when I people.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

The mattress in the guest room was perfectly fine until I had to sleep on it once.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? And I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

Oh good. Another day.

I see people my age out there climbing mountains and skydiving, and here I am feeling good about myself because I got my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

A person that weights 200 pounds on Earth weighs 76 pounds on Mars. So I’m not overweight, I’m on the wrong planet.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever tried to breathe quieter while walking up a hill so strangers didn’t call 911.

Just gave my boyfriend an incorrect direction in the car, and he sighed and muttered to himself, “Never assign to malice what can be attributed to incompetence.”

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? And I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Oh good. Another day.

I see people my age out there climbing mountains and skydiving, and here I am feeling good about myself because I got my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

A person that weights 200 pounds on Earth weighs 76 pounds on Mars. So I’m not overweight, I’m on the wrong planet.

If you occasionally blow on your bourbon during a Zoom meeting, the other folks will think you’re enjoying a hot cup of tea.

Raise your hand if you’ve ever tried to breathe quieter while walking up a hill so strangers didn’t call 911.

Just gave my boyfriend an incorrect direction in the car, and he sighed and muttered to himself, “Never assign to malice what can be attributed to incompetence.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨