Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Dollar Tree needs to just go ahead and rename it to A Couple Dollars.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Parents will discover a movie on Netflix that you can’t even imagine.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

I don’t abuse substances. I cherish and nurture them.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

On the next episode of Hoarders, they visit my subconscious.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

Whenever I lose my faith in justice, I look at the high school beauties from back then today. Then I’m fine again.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

So I got a call from a telemarketer, and he said he couldn’t understand me. I told him, “Press 1 for English.”

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

I just want someone who can see through all my bullshit and hate me for who I really am.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has bookmarked:

We need a slur for people that use AI.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

I didn’t like my beard at first… then it grew on me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Jan 5, 2026

3,402

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Twitch:

Mondays have a black belt in psychological warfare.

Making waves on Twitch:

I’ve been doing Dry January, but it’s literally just been my lips and skin.

Making waves on Reddit:

My Facebook friends are like my pen collection. I have 100 but only one writes.

Spotted on WeChat:

Currently accepting DMs from any man with a sturdy bunker on his property.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Have kids so you can say things you never thought you would like “please don’t vacuum your sister”

Spotted on Instagram:

My running speed is very slow because the Discman wasn’t allowed to shake in the past.

Breaking via YouTube:

The egg doesn’t swim to the sperm, girl. Never chase a man.

Trending via Messenger:

Nightmares are so embarrassing. Why is my anxiety working the night shift?

Freshly posted on WeChat:

At 20, I was unstoppable; at 30, I’m just unstartable.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Not to be a nerd, but a well-placed semicolon is hot as hell.

I was actually doing so well until your email found me.

2 months ago

0

I was actually doing so well until your email found me.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Oh, the power of email strikes again! It's like a ninja, lurking in the digital shadows, ready to disrupt our peace and productivity. Who knew a simple 'ping' could shatter the illusion of a well-balanced day? Watch out, folks, the inbox bandit strikes when you least expect it!"

distraction, doing, doing well, email, humor, me, productivity, unexpected, well

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

In a job interview, you can always respond to an awkward question with a deep gaze and parted lips, followed by “You complete me.”

0

2 months ago

awkward, awkward question, comedy, complete, conversation, deep, deep gaze, flirting, gaze, humor, interview, job, job interview, lips, me, parted, parted lips, question, response, you complete me
For Halloween, you should be mine.

0

2 months ago

flirtation, Halloween, holiday, love, mine, pun, romantic, should
I don’t hate you, but I hope you run out of hot water before you’re finished your shower.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, before, finished, hate, hope, hot, hot water, humor, i, run, sarcasm, shower, water
I need a six-month vacation twice a year.

0

2 months ago

break, humor, i, irony, leisure, need, relaxation, time, time off, vacation, work, year
Blocking people isn’t enough. I need their favorite TV show to get cancelled.

0

2 months ago

blocking, cancellation, cancelled, enough, entertainment, favorite, humor, i, media, need, people, revenge, show, social, social media, TV, TV Show
Proposing at someone else’s wedding is out. Die at their funeral like a real man.

0

2 months ago

die, funeral, humor, man, norms, proposal, real, real man, social, social norms, someone, wedding

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on TikTok this month:

Bears and worms have almost nothing in common. But gummy bears and gummy worms? Very similar.

70 shares on Slack this month:

Let’s be honest. The best moment of the day is when we take off our bra.

14 shares on Pinterest this month:

It may look like I’m doing nothing, but in my head I’m quite busy.

56 shares on YouTube this month:

The week between Christmas and New Year’s should be studied as it is clearly a wormhole, disturbing time and space.

14 shares on Slack this month:

89% of the time when my husband tells me I look great, what he really means is, “We needed to leave five minutes ago.”

71 shares on Threads this month:

I think being a hopeless romantic is giving me brain damage.

70 shares on Threads this month:

I highly recommend getting yourself a “How can I help” partner and not a “You will be fine” partner.

11 shares on Slack this month:

Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

37 shares on YouTube this month:

Before Facebook, we would hold people hostage inside our homes by showing them photo albums of our vacation.

100 shares on Messenger this month:

People who lie all the time really think that we don’t know.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

I ordered mushrooms on my pizza. When do they kick in?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Microdosing Christmas by being present.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss whatever age I was when I thought five dollars was a lot of money.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Good morning only to those who duel at dawn, drink at dusk, and haunt their lovers in between.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Doctor advised me to stop drinking. This is going to be a big change for me. I was with that doctor for decades.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re in first class on a flight, sometimes they upgrade you to captain.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

The only thing you can count on with some people is that you can’t count on them.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Facebook friends are like pens. You may have 150, but only 5 are writing.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Driving to work, and I just reached down to touch my leg to make sure I have pants on.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

A collective orgasm would fix the world.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

217 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,486

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,486

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,642

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

I hate it when I check my transactions history, and everything adds up like damn, so no one stole from me.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

“Are you seeing someone?” Like a hallucination, therapist, or a guy?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

I get unreasonably happy when a YouTube video has subtitles that aren’t auto-generated.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode the bikes when we were young.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

Don’t stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It’s nature’s way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

In the 80s, you could literally shrink your kids with a shrink-ray, and your wife wouldn’t divorce you. I’m pretty sure I saw a documentary film about it.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Sick of people thinking the Midwest is just a bunch of small towns and cornfields when they forgot it’s also a lot of road construction, inconsistent weather, and deer that jump in front of your car.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

“I should’ve peed before I left,” will be my epitaph.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has downloaded:

Before ball parks were invented there was pretty much no way to give someone a rough estimate.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Even if you like anime, you gotta still wear deodorant, man.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Threads:

I just want what every middle-aged person wants: to remember what it was that I wanted.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

It’s all fun and games until you send the clapping emoji instead of the prayer hands when commenting on the news of a death in the family.

Freshly posted on X:

I can sing all the words to the intro song of DuckTales, what’s your flex?

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Asking myself if that was too weird after I hit send.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Not now, kitten. Mommy’s destroying and betraying herself for nothing.

Going viral on YouTube:

Don’t date coworkers. Being the hot coworker nobody at work has a chance with is always the best role to play.

Trending via Snapchat:

USPS tracking: Step 1: We don’t think it exists. Step 2: Delivered.

Trending via Pinterest:

Signatures are so unserious, just “pinky promise” for adults. Write your name in a silly little way on this very important piece of paper so we that we can send you to jail if you do anything wrong.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Maybe I prefer my ducks scattered about.

Going viral on Slack:

I bet she doesn’t even laugh at your dumb jokes the fake way I did.

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