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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

I don’t mind driving in bad weather. I mind other people driving in bad weather.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

“The heart wants what the heart wants,” I whisper as I slowly walk up to the dessert table.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has downloaded:

I hate when people ask me what I meant by something. Listen, I have no idea. I’m as confused here as you are. We’re both learning what I’m about to say at the exact same time.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

My hobbies include saying, “I’m so tired,” and then staying up for three more hours doing nothing.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

I wonder if my guardian angel and my future husband’s guardian angel are in a group chat trying to coordinate.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

I’m like if a birthday card with no money inside was a person.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Twitter is the most fun you can have on the toilet.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

Twitter is just a diary I choose to show to strangers.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

The easiest way to shop with kids is not to.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,702

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on YouTube:

The fact that I have more clothes to sleep in than I do to go out in says a lot about who I am as a person.

Broadcasted on Discord:

Sorry, I just saw your text from last night. Are you guys still at the restaurant?

Going bananas on Instagram:

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

Going bananas on Threads:

Hobbies include fake smiling while waiting for people to stop talking.

Just shared via X:

Forget Spotify Wrapped. How many minutes did you spend listening to your girlfriend this year?

Trending via Pinterest:

Welcome to your 40s. Your bra wins the Oscar for the best actor in a supportive role.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

My cat’s in a bad mood, despite eating and sleeping all day.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I’m going to be a printer today and just not work.

Live now on Pinterest:

Here’s to a new year of making the same old mistakes, but with far more enthusiasm.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I think if you ask Kanye for a million at the right time, he’ll give it to you.

I’d rather be spotted in a strip club than a Subway.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Spicing up my life one dollar bill at a time! 🕺💵🥪

awkward, awkward situation, club, embarrassment, humor, ID, preference, setting, situation, social, social setting, strip, strip club, Subway

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Unfortunately most of my sex noises come from trying to get out of bed.

0

2 months ago

bed, humor, laughter, noise, sex, sex noise, struggle, trying, waking, waking up
I wonder if the sun also takes pictures of humanity going down?

0

2 months ago

going, going down, humanity, humor, i, observation, photography, pictures, sun, wonder
After you do your laundry, you should be allowed to get in the dryer and tumble for a little. No charge.

0

2 months ago

activity, after, charge, chores, domestic, domestic life, dryer, fun, fun activity, humor, laundry, life, little, relaxation, should, tumble
Parents will discover a movie on Netflix that you can’t even imagine.

0

5 months ago

discover, discovery, entertainment, even, humor, imagine, movie, Netflix, parent, parents, surprise
Opening a bakery and calling it “I’m a crepe. I’m a weird dough.”

0

5 months ago

bakery, calling, crepe, dough, food, food joke, humor, joke, opening, pun, weird
Most of being a woman is just removing exclamation points from emails before you send them.

0

2 months ago

before, being, communication, email, emails, exclamation, exclamation point, expectation, gender, humor, just, point, send, woman, writing

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

97 shares on Twitch this month:

Marriage is 33.3% hiding to eat snacks because you and your spouse are supposed to be on a diet.

73 shares on Telegram this month:

What base is it when you’re flirting with a woman, and she asks, “Are you all right”?

61 shares on Facebook this month:

My car is making strange noises but it’s just me singing.

20 shares on Facebook this month:

Not only is Santa not real, there are also no horny singles in your area wanting to meet you.

92 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Called myself to see if I’d answer, sent me to voicemail. Twice.

42 shares on TikTok this month:

Kissing while both wearing baseball caps is so hard. How do baseball players do it?

44 shares on WeChat this month:

Nike: Just Do It! Me: I don’t want to.

16 shares on Telegram this month:

I’ve been closer to death than a stable relationship.

72 shares on Telegram this month:

Oh great, you brought your ancient ancestors with you.

15 shares on X this month:

I’m a yapper. I’m a napper. I’m a midnight snacker.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

I hate when I grab a live wire and everyone sees my damn skeleton.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Dear food, either stop being so delicious or stop making me fat.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has downloaded:

Have you tried just not thinking about it? Like, ever again?

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Killing me softly with his schlong.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has downloaded:

Cheating on an exam by memorizing all the content beforehand so I can easily answer the questions.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Today’s youth will never experience the pain of spending all their pocket money on a music album. Because of ONE good song!

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

There’s nothing I hate more than being comfy in bed and suddenly needing to pee.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

If it doesn’t get a like in the first two years, I delete it.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

IKEA products should be cheaper, I’m doing all the work here. It’s like ordering takeout food and still having to cook it when it arrives.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

I want to live in a world where TV sitcoms have catchy theme songs again.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Money talks, but all mine ever says is goodbye.

Just shared via Twitch:

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Live now on Slack:

I’ll never be badass enough to walk around chewing on a toothpick.

Going viral on WeChat:

I’m buysexual, you buy me food, I become sexual.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The worst part of marriage is when you do something stupid, the best part of marriage is when your partner does something stupid.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’d rather be spotted in a strip club than a Subway.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Unfortunately most of my sex noises come from trying to get out of bed.

I wonder if the sun also takes pictures of humanity going down?

After you do your laundry, you should be allowed to get in the dryer and tumble for a little. No charge.

Parents will discover a movie on Netflix that you can’t even imagine.

Opening a bakery and calling it “I’m a crepe. I’m a weird dough.”

Most of being a woman is just removing exclamation points from emails before you send them.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨