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You know you’re getting old when you clean the house to the music you used to go out to.

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I have this rare skin disease called perfect.

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Let’s play a game called you bring me food and I eat it.

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Fake laughing at work is mentally exhausting. Please just leave me alone.

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Inventing the Grinch: “Santa needs a Wario!”

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Sometimes after sex, I wonder what it would be like to have sex as a couple.

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Stop dating if you have no car.

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If you go by “Toni,” I always think your full name is Rigatoni.

If you go by “Toni,” I always think your full name is Rigatoni.

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That's pasta-tively hilarious! ๐Ÿ๐Ÿ˜†



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