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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has shared:

I don’t do “casual.” I’m like an 18th-century vampire. When I fall in love, my devotion is boundless and eternal.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has shared:

Proposing at someone else’s wedding is out. Die at their funeral like a real man.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Serious replies to silly posts are now illegal. Go talk to your wife.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

I love my bodyguard. I would take a bullet for him.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

The existence of raw sexuality implies the existence of medium sexuality, but also well-done sexuality.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has viewed:

Imagine having someone to come home to who doesn’t have fur.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

Channeling my inner forest ghost: hauntingly fabulous and slightly lost.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

According to your ex, what’s exactly wrong with you?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

If I found E.T., I would’ve developed his jump shot.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has copied:

Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

298 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,567

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,567

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,518

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Girl, if the moon can block the sun, then you can definitely block your ex.

Seen just now on TikTok:

My phone just filmed a 2 hour documentary about life inside my purse.

Making waves on Slack:

My bank assures me my money is safe with them, yet they keep their pens chained to desks and most of them are missing.

Trending via Discord:

Our pronunciation of the word “colonel” does feel like group psychosis.

Trending via Pinterest:

I’m pretty sure my husband’s favorite sound is the oven range fan turning on when I start making dinner.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

There are two types of people in the world, those who have to go to Walmart, and those who get to go to Walmart.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Petition to allow customer service employees to fight at least one customer per day.

Just shared via Threads:

I’m 27 and a half. I should be on my first divorce by now.

Live now on Slack:

I finally figured out my lifelong dream of becoming a human blanket, but my friends still call it napping on their couch.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

My therapist is so lucky. I’m like a Netflix Original that pays her to watch.

I’m not drinking 2% milk until we figure out what the other 98% is.

I’m not drinking 2% milk until we figure out what the other 98% is.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Two percent sounds suspiciously vague 🤔🥛 Who knows what mysteries lie in that remaining 98% – unicorns, aliens, the meaning of life? 🦄👽🤷‍♂️ Let's stick to the sure thing: no milk until we have all the facts! 🚫🥛 #MilkMystery"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

55 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I will trust someone on Reddit from 11 years ago with my life before using ChatGPT for anything.

44 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If David Bowie taught us anything, it’s that being a little weird is better than being forgettable.

93 shares on Facebook this month:

Your email finds me deeply unwell. Teetering on the edge really.

90 shares on Snapchat this month:

Every single bad day happened because I woke up.

24 shares on WeChat this month:

Stop blaming everyone for all of your problems. Pick one person you hate, and blame them for everything.

88 shares on Messenger this month:

How does world hunger exist when we can fry air?

44 shares on Snapchat this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here hating myself more.

92 shares on YouTube this month:

The most expensive clothing you’ll ever wear is a hospital gown.

21 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m eating sandwiches you haven’t heard of in jeans you can’t pronounce.

50 shares on Telegram this month:

If someone asks you if you’re in the queue, what they actually mean is “you’re really shit at queuing, aren’t you?”

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Me: This is my favorite. I would like to buy this exact same item of clothing again. The fashion industry: No.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Pouring an ice-cold glass of anxiety.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I tiptoe near my medicine cabinet because I don’t want to wake my sleeping pills.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Maybe we should put monkeys in charge for a while just to see how it goes.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Some should judge a little less and look at their lives a little more.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

At a job interview: think of me as the rightful heir to the throne.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve spent years struggling to prove that the sunk-cost fallacy isn’t actually a fallacy. No sense in giving up now, though.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

In my experience, bowling and pancakes have the same energy. High hopes at the beginning, lowered self-esteem at the end.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate being at the age where you feel obligated to buy your whole family gifts for Christmas, but also the age where your bank account doesn’t feel obligated to support that.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

If Dracula had a cat, she’d be the one sleeping in the coffin.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

298 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,567

Funny Quotes Topics

17,623

Funny Quotes Images

15,567

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,610

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

If food delivery apps had never been invented, I would either be wildly rich or dead.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

Friends with benefits, but it’s just that they make delicious baked goods.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

If you’re not easily offended, why are you even online?

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

Accidentally said “normal” when they asked what milk I wanted at the leftist cafe.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Sorry, I said yippee when you took off your pants. Do you still think I’m hot?

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

How to have flat stomach: remove all of your organs.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has shared:

Working on my harmonica skills so those around me can both hear and feel my depression.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Just took a nap in jeans. No one will ever understand the darkness that lurks inside me.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Restaurants: put your phone down, live in the moment. Also, scan our QR code and browse our menu.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

When I don’t have money, I stop talking to women out of respect.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

So basically, companies pay YouTube to show ads, and we pay YouTube to not show ads.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I’m capable of doing a lot of things but listening to people chew their food is not one of them.

Freshly posted on Threads:

“You’re so chill.” Thanks, I gave up.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Sitting with my legs really wide to experiment with gender.

Going viral on Instagram:

You can always tell when a man’s mustache is performative and not representative of his true spirit.

Breaking via TikTok:

I like listening to music in languages I don’t speak because sometimes I just don’t wanna know what anybody is talking about.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Grocery carts should have barcode scanners on them so you can see how much you’re spending as you put things in your cart.

Seen just now on Slack:

I learned Morse code, and then I couldn’t sleep because the rain kept telling me to go fuck myself.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out.

Going bananas on Telegram:

The concept of dominant hands is hilarious to me. That one of our hands is just like, “No, I’m not helping.”

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