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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has copied:

Forgot my glasses, so I’m pointing at a random spot on the menu and hoping for the best.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

Doctor advised me to stop drinking. This is going to be a big change for me. I was with that doctor for decades.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

Do animals have celebrities? Like, do birds all recognize that one bird who sings really well?

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

Me, whenever I can easily do some yoga pose, “This can’t be right.”

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Them: Good morning! Me: Where?

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Dating apps aren’t working, time to start drinking beer and eating hot dogs along the first base line at a baseball game.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

“Careful. It’s slippery!” – Everyone, after you’ve already slipped.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

“This too shall pass!” Okay, but like, when exactly?

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

I would cry but my makeup is too expensive.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,427

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Snapchat:

The only difference between hungry and horny is where you insert the cucumber.

Just shared via TikTok:

Getting old is not fun. Sometimes I have to check my texts and photos when someone asks me what I did yesterday.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Welcome to your 50’s. Your doctor and pharmacist are both in your contacts now.

Breaking via TikTok:

The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Forever grateful that thought bubbles aren’t a real thing.

Going viral on Instagram:

The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.

Breaking via Instagram:

Women only want one thing, and it’s the power to cast men who tell us to smile right into a pit of giant venomous serpents.

Seen just now on Slack:

Halloween pumpkins look even scarier if you just use the ones from last year.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Can I come over and crawl around on you like a bug?

Going bananas on TikTok:

Refusing to make eye contact with anyone while I eat my banana.

I’m not speaking to my husband, and I don’t think he even knows it.

5 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Silent treatment level: Expert. 🎯🙊💭

communication, even, humor, husband, i, knows, misunderstanding, relationship, silence, speaking, think

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You miss 100% of the gossip from the phone calls you don’t answer.

0

2 months ago

answer, call, calls, communication, gossip, humor, interaction, miss, missed, missed opportunity, opportunity, phone, phone call, social, social interaction
Welcome to your 40’s: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

0

2 months ago

40s, adult, adult life, aging, hangover, humor, hungover, just, life, Tuesday, welcome
I think it’s extremely important, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

0

2 months ago

daily, daily routine, humor, i, importance, important, introvert, morning, personality, quiet, routine, silence, think
I caught my husband eating the last of the ice cream last night. First of all, we are supposed to be dieting together. Second of all, I was going to eat that.

0

5 months ago

caught, cream, diet, dieting, eat, eating, food, going, humor, husband, i, ice, ice cream, last, last night, night, relationship, second, spouse, together
USPS tracking: Step 1: We don’t think it exists. Step 2: Delivered.

0

4 months ago

1, 2, step, think, tracking
I need to go to jail for a while to catch up on all my reading.

0

2 months ago

activity, catch, catch up, humor, i, irony, jail, need, reading, time

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on Slack this month:

Why isn’t there a mosquito that sucks fat?

10 shares on Slack this month:

Snakes don’t hiss anymore, they call you babe, bro, or friend.

82 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m an adult in the same way a tomato is a fruit.

88 shares on Slack this month:

I’m done with dating sites and am now only focusing on food delivery people. They have a job, a car, and most importantly food.

62 shares on Telegram this month:

Sorry I marked myself as safe on Facebook after your PowerPoint presentation.

13 shares on Pinterest this month:

If you talk about astrology, and no one stops you, it means you must be incredibly pretty.

60 shares on Twitch this month:

Messed up and threw a surprise party for my minimalist friend. Now 25 of us are hiding behind the granite orb.

95 shares on X this month:

On the whole, people are getting smarter. I remember when they had to put “The End” on the screen, so people would know the movie was over.

88 shares on Reddit this month:

I put my music on shuffle then get mad when it doesn’t play the song I want.

66 shares on Instagram this month:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to kiss today.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

The two types of video games are kill everything that moves and Microsoft Excel.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Men used to send love letters in the middle of wars, and now they think reassurance is too much effort.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

Nothing bores me like twins who don’t look alike, you should’ve just dropped later if you’re not going to participate.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Don’t judge me on my likes, I’m confusing the algorithm.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Everyone is getting pregnant or married, and I’m back to “What’s your favorite color?“

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

As a retiree, I have two pairs of pajamas. Bedtime and daytime. Sometimes I get them confused.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has downloaded:

They should invent something in between coffee and narcotics.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

I respect the moon because it controls three of our most precious entities: oceans, wolves & women.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Turtles made out of plastic, problem solved.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

I’m never drinking again, unless something is going on later today.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

Please don’t match my crazy. One of us has to be rational here, and it’s definitely not going to be me.

Trending via WeChat:

Reading fanfics is so fun, I wish romantic attraction was real.

Breaking via Pinterest:

I’m sorry I bit your hand when you reached for my popcorn.

Just shared via Reddit:

I am dressing for the job I want. I want to be a sweatpants model.

Spotted on Twitch:

I think the most financially irresponsible thing I’ve done is get my kids to like sushi.

Just landed via YouTube:

And is your “sparkling personality” in the room with us now?

Just landed via YouTube:

I’m a simple person. All I need in life to be happy is to have everything go my way and work out how I want it to.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Anyone know if we got the meek inheriting the Earth today?

Going bananas on X:

Welcome to your 50’s, you’ll look for your phone while scrolling on your phone.

Trending via Slack:

“You changed!” Yeah, I thought three days in the same outfit was kinda pushing it.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m not speaking to my husband, and I don’t think he even knows it.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

You miss 100% of the gossip from the phone calls you don’t answer.

Welcome to your 40’s: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

I think it’s extremely important, especially in the morning, to be quiet.

I caught my husband eating the last of the ice cream last night. First of all, we are supposed to be dieting together. Second of all, I was going to eat that.

USPS tracking: Step 1: We don’t think it exists. Step 2: Delivered.

I need to go to jail for a while to catch up on all my reading.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨