Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

Cool times create cool guys.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Of course I have critical thinking skills, I’m thinking critically of you right now.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

The sexual tension between me and disappearing without an explanation.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

I had to treat myself to a sweet goody today to distract my mind from the horrors of life.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

There’s no denying that I have an effect on men. Mostly migraines, but an effect nonetheless.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

No one trashes your name better than the person who is terrified that you are going to tell people the truth.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

To cut the long story short, I have spent all my money.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has shared:

Normalize ending a hang-out abruptly by saying ‘I wanna go home now’ and then going home.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Being a dog must be wild, everyone you meet is your masseuse.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

Was complaining to my mom about my daughter’s attitude and she told me I should’ve named her payback.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,313

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Instagram:

Receipts are like: Take this tiny piece of paper home with you and throw it away.

Breaking via Slack:

Hey, if the Earth could stop air frying me, that’d be great.

Just shared via Reddit:

People used to fly kites. Glad that’s over with.

Just landed via Twitch:

Sometimes it’s the conversations you have with yourself that take the longest.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Need to win the lottery so I can focus on going to museums and working out.

Spotted on Instagram:

Welcome to your 50’s; you can have a really good laugh at everyone moaning about their aches and pains in their 30’s.

Just shared via Reddit:

It was a complicated 17-hour surgery, but they finally managed to separate the art from the artist.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

If pills are too toxic to flush down the toilet, you probably shouldn’t swallow them.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I remember owning a mobile device as a kid, it was called my bike.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

What’s a beginner question to ask for someone just getting into being nosy?

I’m sick of diarrhea. I want to livarrhea.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who doesn't want to livarrhea, right? 💩😂 Say goodbye to the runs and hello to the funs! 💃 #livelaughpoop"

diarrhea, humor, i, illness, joke, livarrhea, pun, sick, want, wordplay

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

“Your password is too weak!” Just wait until you see my impulse control.

0

2 months ago

control, humor, impulse, just, password, security, self-control, too, wait, weakness
Therapy isn’t gonna cut it, I need vengeance.

0

6 months ago

cut, health, humor, i, mental, mental health, need, revenge, therapy, vengeance
Turns out my superpower is the ability to go into incredible detail in completely the wrong direction.

0

2 months ago

ability, detail, direction, distraction, exaggeration, humor, incredible, irony, self-deprecating, superpower, wrong, wrong direction
The most disturbing thing about waking up at 4 a.m. is realizing some people do this on purpose so they can exercise.

0

3 months ago

4, 4 a.m., a.m., am, disturbing, early, early riser, exercise, humor, morning, morning routine, most, people, purpose, riser, routine, thing, waking, waking up
I hate when I forget to say something during an argument. Like, hey, let’s argue again, I got better material now.

0

3 months ago

again, argue, argument, better, comeback, conversation, debate, forget, got, hate, humor, i, material, say, something
Do you want to sit on the porch with me until we die or not?

0

5 months ago

companionship, death, die, humor, invitation, me, porch, relationship, sit, want

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on X this month:

My first rodeo and my last rodeo were the same rodeo.

93 shares on Reddit this month:

Now if you’ll excuse me, today’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.

68 shares on Facebook this month:

I’d post more pics, but I don’t want y’all falling in love all at once.

22 shares on Slack this month:

Christmas adverts: “Eat all the food! Drink all the drink! Spoil yourself! It’s Christmas!” New year adverts: “Look at what you’ve done to yourself, you fat sack of shit!”

18 shares on Instagram this month:

Me, unwrapping a gift: Oh wow, an item. I love these!

49 shares on Facebook this month:

Studies show that sleepwalking has decreased among Americans over the last 10 years. Typical lazy Americans.

26 shares on Twitch this month:

A frightening number of young people alive today don’t know about Knight Rider.

61 shares on Telegram this month:

Architects should try and design a house with no yelling.

59 shares on Telegram this month:

Waffles are just pancakes with abs.

58 shares on Snapchat this month:

My five-year plan is to get back my whimsy, joy, childlike wonder.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has bookmarked:

Sometimes I’ll do a random act of kindness, like keeping my mouth shut, for example.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

Sometimes I do this fun little thing, where I take the time to write a grocery list, and then I forget it at home.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

I’ll make direct eye contact while eating a hot dog, just to make you feel weird.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

Stop asking a clown why he keeps acting like a clown, ask yourself why you keep going to the circus.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Thoughts & prayers to all of us back at work tomorrow after the colossal mistake of thinking we’d be lads of leisure forever, for some reason.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Never in my life have I heard my dad sneeze at an acceptable volume.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

I be having full arguments in my head, then walk around mad like someone actually said something to me.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

True bravery is getting a text from a woman with three questions in it, and only responding to one.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

All billionaires must submit a list of five things they did for society in the last week or their wealth shall be confiscated.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has bookmarked:

Tonight I wanted to stop drinking but then I remembered the owner of the pub has a family to feed.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Messenger:

I plan the silliest murders in my dreams because all I have to do to get away with it is wake up.

Spreading quickly via X:

All my passwords are protected, by my poor memory.

Shared recently on Facebook:

ChatGPT’s primary use is to generate plausible excuses to leave dinner at the in-laws’.

Shared recently on Discord:

The goose: Canada’s most violent saxophone.

Spotted on Discord:

My mind not only wanders, sometimes it leaves completely!

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

I think I’ma end the year with a plot twist, everyone hold on tight.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Just worked out for 2 hours straight and 1 hour gay.

Breaking via Telegram:

I hope this email finds you in the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty.

Making waves on WeChat:

Money will not leave you on read for 9 hours.

Making waves on Messenger:

Messages are way funnier when you know how the person talks.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m sick of diarrhea. I want to livarrhea.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

“Your password is too weak!” Just wait until you see my impulse control.

Therapy isn’t gonna cut it, I need vengeance.

Turns out my superpower is the ability to go into incredible detail in completely the wrong direction.

The most disturbing thing about waking up at 4 a.m. is realizing some people do this on purpose so they can exercise.

I hate when I forget to say something during an argument. Like, hey, let’s argue again, I got better material now.

Do you want to sit on the porch with me until we die or not?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨